Monday, December 7, 2009

stupid broken organ.

Wow. I can't believe it has been almost a month since I've written! Exactly 5 days after my last post (which would have been November 17th), I had an emergency appendectomy (which would be why it's taken so long to write again!).

I was sick for 6 weeks. (yes, six very long, very excruciating weeks!). I had bronchitis, I had a sinus infection, I was throwing up for no reason, I had a cough and was literally turning into a snotface! The three days before I had surgery I threw up everything I tried to eat.

On Tuesday morning (November 17th), my Mom told me that I looked ghostly pale and suggested that I stay home from work. I looked at her and said "Mom, I've been sick for six solid weeks. Nothing is going to change today; I may as well go to work."

So off I went.

At work I joked around with a friend how I felt like I wasn't really sick but I was being poisoned slowly by someone I knew (I was watching Nip/Tuck the night before!), I just needed to figure out who was poisoning me and for what reason!

Around 10 that morning my stomachache started migrating toward my right side. I just knew it was either my period or appendicitis. Around noon the pain started increasing so I decided it would probably be best to leave for the day.

In the 20 minute drive from work to my Dad's office (I wanted to talk to my Mom) the pain amplified. I could barely get out of the car and couldn't stand upright. As soon as I saw my mom I burst into tears and said "Something is very wrong." She called the doctor and they set up an appointment for 3:30. I tried to sleep in my Dad's office while waiting the three hours until it was time to see the doctor. Around 3 I couldn't take the pain anymore and told Mom that I needed to go immediately. Every bump in the car sent radiating pain through my side.

The doctor took me right on back. I explained to him the pain I was having in my side and he examined me. When he touched my side I almost punched him in the face it hurt so bad. He said he thought it was the appendix & that I needed to go to the hospital for further testing. Before I left his office he gave me a shot of some sort of heaven. Took all the pain away for about an hour.

I got checked into the hospital around 4 and had a CT (probably 5ish...I had to drink that chalk crap). While waiting for the results to come back from the CT, my doctor came in and prescribed morphine for me as the meds from his office had worn off. As soon as the nurse gave me my dose of it, I felt a burning sensation in my throat and I could see a rash developing on my arm. My Mom said my eyes rolled back in my head and I plopped my head back on the pillow... I'm obviously allergic to Morphine! Doc was still nearby so he was able to give me a huge dose of benedryl and *voila* I was good again. However, after that I was only allowed Demerol!

The results came back around an hour after the CT scan. I was on the operating table less than half an hour after that. Luckily, my appendix hadn't ruptured but it was close; the doctor sent home pictures and you can see where it was bulging out. I am so lucky I went to the doctor when I did! The doctor was able to do it laproscopically and I ended up with an inch long scar under my boobs and a small one on my panty line and right under my belly button. Not so bad!

I ended up having 2 weeks off work. (Thank you, Thanksgiving for giving me a couple extra days off!) After two years of employment (which for me was about 2 weeks before my appendix went bust), we get 6 weeks paid time off for emergencies which was amazing since I didn't have enough sick time to cover the entire absence! It also looks like I will only have about $2,500 worth of medical bills too (which seems like a lot, but the surgery alone was $17,000).

It all happened so fast... less than 12 hours from the start of the pain until surgery! So yeah, I'm back and better than ever!

This post is already long enough, so I'll have part 2 coming up soon.... The surgeon who didn't want to do my surgery & the recovery nurse from hell are up next!!

Appendix free is the way to be!
Rose

Thursday, November 12, 2009

the un-tag

Tonight I finally did it: I deleted and untagged all the Sam & Rose pictures on facebook. It took for.ev.er. (I removed him as my friend months ago when it was still to hard to see skanks posting pictures with him & writing on his wall)

I have no feelings for him at this point. We can't be friends. Since I ended it, I find him to be a pompous and arrogant asshole. When hearts are broken, people change. He changed...and in my opinion not for the better (but does that even matter? no.) Some people are able to walk away from relationships with knowledge they didn't previously have & others, well they don't.

Things I learned:
-I learned that letting your boyfriend buy you a yorkie after dating for 3 months is not a good idea; the dog will be the one caught in the middle.
-I learned that divorcees = disaster (at least for me!)
-I learned to NEVER change myself for the person I'm dating, it will only bite me in the ass later.
-I learned the qualities I need in a relationship (and the ones I don't want!).
-I learned to still schedule times to be with my friends; I'll regret it when we've grown apart.
-I learned to go into relationships with eyes wide open.
-I learned that I am lovable.
-I learned that my family and friends do know me better than I think and I should value and listen to their opinions.
-I learned to rely on other people
-I learned it's way more fun to roadtrip with a best friend to a wedding than to go with a boyfriend (Holla, Jill!)
-I learned that heavily medicating myself does work, but only for a short amount of time...sooner or later I'll have to deal.
-I learned that it is possible to start life over.

Looking back, I think I always knew it wouldn't work. I wouldn't change it though. If nothing else, it was one helluva learning experience.

xoxo,
Rose

Friday, November 6, 2009

quarter-life crisis

I'm fairly certain that I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. A lot of little things have been accumulating for quite some time now (honestly, it's nothing worth posting about!). I came across this writing last night & liked it... I think it does a pretty good job at explaining everything. I hope everyone has a splendid weekend!
-R

The Quarter-Life Crisis
By: Unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd & start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Monday, November 2, 2009

hey, pretty lady. won't you give me a sign?

So, I have John on the back burner and I kind of like it that way. I'm the one holding the cards (well, I'm ALWAYS the one holding the cards). I know he'll jump at the chance to have me again.

This is our text convo from Friday night.
John: I just took a picture with some children for Halloween that are dressed up like me. That makes me a hero! (John works at UPS)
Rose: Can I see your package again?
J: Anytime, lady!
R: How's tonight? (I had zero intention of seeing him that night. I was with Jill & our friend Luke)
J: Seriously? I can't tonight; I already have plans. Do you want to go out with us or maybe we can hang out tomorrow?
R: Eh, maybe another time

---Fast forward to Sunday---
Luke, my mom & I frequent an auction house almost every Sunday. We check out the men, buy some antiques and just have a lazy afternoon. It's a great way to end the weekend. Luke and I are sitting in the first row just jabbering about nothing important with my sister (who occasionally comes too).

This was our conversation:

Luke (pointing to the door): Oh my God. That guy is fucking hot.
I look to my right and who do I see? John. FML.
Rose: "Holy Fuck, L. That's John!"
Luke: "Jesus, he is beautiful, Rose! Is he the one you slept with? Why aren't you sleeping with him right now?"
R: "Shut the fuck up, L. My sister doesn't know I slept with him. The sex is mediocre, remember the conversation we had about it on Friday? Ok, shhhh now."
L: "Well, if you don't want to fuck him, I will."
R: "I hate you."
...Meanwhile....
Sister: "Rose! There's John! Go talk to him!!! You all are so darling together."
R: "Sis, shut up. There isn't anything there."
S: "Um, I'm fairly certain there is."
R: "Nope. Nothing. We don't even have a single thing to talk about."
S: "You love him. I know it."
(Cue Rose's exit to the bathroom)

Side Note: The reason my sister doesn't know we've slept together is because she's all "You love him. You all are soul mates. You've always loved him. You'll get married, I just know it. He worked an entire summer to get a limo to take you to prom. Don't you remember how much fun we all used to have in high school?? " When I explain to her that we have nothing to talk about she still thinks it will happen. She doesn't seem to get it that it was 10 years ago. People change a lot in 10 years. It's annoying and I don't want to tell her that we have a purely sexual relationship. That will open up the floor for a major lecture.
...but I digress.

First of all, I never run into him in public. Ever. I only see him when I want. Second of all, it's a wee bit awkward to see him outside of the bedroom. I intentionally didn't go talk to him (I hold the cards, remember?). We sent a couple text messages back & forth while he was there.

But at least I know that if it gets bad enough I can always call him. I just want to use that as my last option because I'd rather not have sex than have mediocre sex.

...maybe I'll send him a good morning text right now. Maybe not. :)

Ex's & Oh's,
Rose

Saturday, October 31, 2009

<3



I fell in love with Damien Rice when I first heard him in 2003.

It reminds me of my freshman year of college. My roommate, the girl next door and I would hang out the window of our third floor dorm room and spit sunflower seeds (classy, no?) while gossiping & listening to Damien Rice.

We actually got to see him perform in Cincinnati that year on Easter. It was amazing.

I was feeling a bit nostalgic and decided to youtube some of his videos. I came across this video (one I've never seen) and fell in love. It's an amazing version of one of my favorite Damien Rice songs and I adore the way it's filmed. I figured I would share

<3,
Rose.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I need ooh la la la la

I just spent an obscene amount of time looking at sexinfo101 sex positions on my phone. When I should have been working.

I haven't had sex in a hot minute. Like I think the last time was beginning of August, maybe earlier. I'm going with beginning of August so I'm not AS depressed about this as I could be. This is the longest I've ever gone without any type of ANYTHING. I haven't even kissed anyone.

Plus, my vibrator went ka-put. I'm not kidding. So I bought 2 more (see #11) because I knew they wouldn't compare. They don't, of course.

All i know is that 3 months is a very. fucking. long. time.

I feel like my brain is going to explode. Or my body. Because all I think about is sex...

Does this make me a masochist?! ...Or am I just thinking like a man?
Rose

P.S. This song is just sex.

Fall

I always have mixed feelings on the season. I love summer, I hate winter. Spring is what leads into summer so it's okay in my book. But fall leads to winter. Bleh.

I love the colors of fall. The deep oranges, maroons, reds, yellows & browns. I love the smell of the first fire being lit in a home. I love that I get to pull out my sweaters, cardigans, hoodies, boots, mittens & scarves. I get to enjoy hot chocolate, football games and jumping into piles of leaves. I love the crisp mornings of the first frosts. I always look forward to carving pumpkins (I once carved Shakespeare!) Vanilla chai lattes and bowls of chili help round out this season. Oh, and can't forget Halloween & Thanksgiving, too.

The movie American Beauty has a line that explains exactly how I feel right now...

"...but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

Here are some pictures of Kentucky in the fall. They aren't wonderful as I took them with my phone. The colors of fall are magnificent.



<3,
Rose

Monday, October 26, 2009

Sitting there...waiting...take me on back...

Rose is currently sitting in our gynocologist's waiting room...yes we have the same gyno...
To ease some of her pre-"spread your legs as wide as possible" jitters Rose took a swig of some pretty intense cough medicine. I also decided that I should take a swig of my intense cough medicine as well (we both had the flu last week)...We have been text messaging for the past 30 minutes...

Jill: What does a 400 lb woman and a cement block have in common? Sooner or later they will both get laid by a Mexican (disclaimer: I have no problem with 400 lb. women, or mexicans...keep in mind I'm just trying to ease Rose's nerves...)
Rose: Haaaaahahaaaaa.
Jill: How do they differ? When you lay a cement block it doesn't follow you around for the next month.
Rose: I am sitting by a huuuuuuuuuuuuge white bitch right now. I think she *could* be hiding a baby under all her lovin'.
Jill: Or she could be baking a turkey in that oven.
Rose: Hahaha. I am so fucked up right now. You are crackin' me up.
Rose: or she could be skinny like a snake. But she just ate a pug so she's big in the middle.
Jill: It's definitely possible. You should look her in the eyes or get her to stick out her tongue.
Rose: No, she's got a sketch pot with her who probably wants to do dirty things with me. I can't be tempting him with all this sexiness.
Jill: Ha. Is he mexican?
Rose: No. I think he may look like an uglier and more poor Patrick Swayze...but I am took scared to really look.
Rose: I'm trying not to cough because there was a sign that said if you have a cough, wear a mask. I am not about that. I reeealy need to cough though. Fuck. My. Life.
Rose: P.S. I am glad you make yourself available to talk to me while I sit here. It really helps when people reply.
Jill: I'm your bitch...haha. You talked to me via text the entire time I was getting the IUD implanted.
Rose: Yeah. That made my vag hurt thinking about it.
Jill: Geeze. You can totally tell our gyno is a female. A man would jump at the opportunity to have a woman go all spread eagle in the stirrups...there would never be a wait.
Rose: I don't want a man Dr...if a man is poking around in the downtown train station it better be with his pody parts...Not stirrups.
Jill: Let's hope the train conductor is sexy.
Rose: No kidding.
Rose: Dude, our Doctor is a female.
Rose: Ohhh. I just got that. Laksjodifuaosfahahaha.
Rose: Patrick is sitting next to the woman now. He has his head in his hand staring at her. He may as well have hearts coming out of his eyes. Woof.
Rose: Okay. My appointment was 10 minutes ago. Don't they know cough syrup has a life span?
Rose: Jesus Christ. I swear touching God's face...they are having a tickle fight. Now his legs are on her. WTF? I am so sicked out right now. SHe just asked if they could get a mani/pedi after.
*Rose then sent me a picture of the man walking away, except I couldn't make out anything but a purse.*
Rose: The receptionist just asked me if I had an appointment. Pretty sure I don't normally sit in the gyno office for shits and grins. Plus, I signed in. And gave her my new insurance card.
Jill: Stupid bitch.
Rose. I would be so pissed off it I didn't. I would strip down and be like "I am not wasting good drugs. Examine me." She just checked...I do have an appointment.
Jill: Goooood.
Jill: While we are talking about the downtown train station...we are invited to a Fun Party!!!
Rose: Dude. I just asked the bald nurse if I could use the bathroom and she said "Make the bladder gladder!"
Jill: Was it the gray headed, weird one? You should have said, "Makes the floor wetter if you don't show me where the bathroom is." I apparently have pent up anger and aggression today.
Rose: I couldn't think of anything except balding.
Jill: It is now 45 minutes past appointment time.
Rose: I have anxiety.
Jill: Just think it will all be over in 30 minutes.
Rose: My insurance changed. Fucking $50 co-pay.
Jill: Dude, that sucks.
Rose: Blood test and exam done. I am peacing the fuck out of here.
Jill: WHOO!!!!!


Rose and I thought you all might get a laugh out of this normal conversation between us....hope you enjoyed.

Happy Monday to you all.
<3,
Rose and Jill

Friday, October 23, 2009

worth the wait.

Obviously I couldn't come up with something legit to write about yesterday. Waiting until today was a brilliant idea. I have a decent (if strange) topic to blog about.

I needed to make a trip to the local Wal-Mart (why, oh why is Target so far away?!) last night. Apparently I should have just gone to Target during my lunch break because my local store is apparently where all the creep status people hang out at night.

I went in on a mission. Yoga blocks. I grabbed my yoga blocks and several Naked smoothies (um, my absolute FAVORITE!) for the week. I went to the check out and of course all of the quick lanes were closed. I headed to one of the shorter check out lanes and got in line.

There were two people ahead of me, a woman with bleached blonde hair (dark roots, of course) with a shit ton of groceries and a ginger man with groceries as well. I was about to drop the smoothies (I had 2 of the big ones and 3 small ones and no basket) so when the ginger directly in front of me moved up a bit, I sat my drinks on the conveyor.

Apparently to him that meant I wanted to strike up a conversation.

He looked at what I was buying and started talking to me about the drinks. I immediately new this kid was weird. And quite possibly gay (I was relieved when he started talking and I knew he wasn't going to hit on me or ask for my number).

He told me he didn't like one of the flavors I was buying. He went on to tell me about another type of smoothie available that I should try. Blah, blah, blah. I avoided eye contact because he was starting to creep me out. No one should talk THAT much about a smoothie. I mean, I can deal with a short friendly conversation in the line at the supermarket if need be, but I prefer not to talk to anyone.

Finally he stopped talking. I engrossed myself with the gum hoping he would not feel the urge to strike up conversation round two.

I would say 30 seconds went by in silence.

Then he looked at me and said...

"Do you like pickles?"

I know I had the "what the fuck are you talking about?" look on my face. There are not pickles in smoothies. I looked around to see what he was talking about. I then saw that he had pickles in with his groceries, but he had quite a few groceries. It's not like he was just buying a a jar of pickles. I feel like the question came out of left field.

Words failed me. I couldn't come up with a good come back. I couldn't come up with anything. I didn't want to say yes because I didn't want to find out why he was asking. I just said "No." End of conversation.

He took forever to grab his bags. I immediately called Jill because I honestly felt like this guy was going to try and walk me to my car or something.

I'm still flabbergasted by the question. I'm sitting at my desk trying to figure out why in the hell you would ask a stranger if they like pickles... Maybe he was going to give me a recipe?

I just don't get it.

What's the dill, pickle?
Rose.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

blogging fail.

I've been sitting at my desk trying to figure out what topic I would like to write about today.

I have so many different ideas swirling around in my head (including, but not limited to: sex, Kings of Leon concert, dating (or lack thereof), sex, jail, back packing through Europe in April, sex, needing a change, having my anchor removed, sex).

I've started several different entries but haven't written more than a couple sentences for each.

The words aren't coming out the way I would like them to today.

I'll try again. If something magical happens today, I'll post it.

-Rose

P.S. I think everyone should see "Where the Wild Things Are"

Friday, October 16, 2009

Anchors Away!

There was some interest in my chest piercing. It can either be called a microdermal or anchor. This isn't going to be the best blog post ever; mainly just explaining it.

You can stay tuned for an awesome post about our Kings of Leon concert night

I've always dug anchors. I think they are totally bad ass. I've always heard that they were permanent, meaning once it's in, it's in for life. Seeing I have no tattoos or anything permanent on my body this of course freaked me the fuck out.

My sister has recently lost a ton of weight and wanted to get her hips pierced. Being a bit of a piercing pro, she asked me to go with her. She originally wanted surface piercings which have a really high rejection rate (about 80%). After talking to our piercer she explained that if an anchor is done correctly, it has a rejection rate of about 2-3%. She also told us that although we can't take the piece out ourselves, we can always come back to the shop where she can remove it. Semi-permanent .... Sounds perfect! She showed us her scar from where she had one (seriously, it looked like a tiny pimple).

She then showed us the jewelry. Below is a picture that shows what an anchor looks like and how it goes into your skin. you can see where the screw actually sits flush to your skin and your stud of choice screws in (we both chose diamonds). The holes (in the top) are for your skin to grow through to secure the anchor and the anchor actually only goes about 2mm under your skin.

My sister went first and winced. She screamed. She squeezed my hand until I thought I was going to cry. She then offered to pay for me to get mine done (which was about $75). I just chose a place I wanted and did it. Live fast, die young..right?

First the piercer pinched my skin over and over to loosen it up. It actually kind of hurt where I had it done because there isn't much skin there. The piercer pierced a hole in my skin (I didn't watch so I'm not sure if she did a dermal punch or with a needle).

As you can see, the the entrance hole and the back and front don't exactly line up. The piercer had to push and pry the anchor down to make sure it was in the correct position. It seriously hurt like a motherfucker. As soon as it was in place, I stood up and had a look.

It only hurt for the first 2 days maybe. It feels fine now and I can touch it (although I avoid doing that at all cost!) I've had it for 2 weeks today. In another 4 I can get the top diamond screw changed (there are colored gems and all that). Although in my opinion it hurt more than a normal piercing, the quick healing time is much worth it.

I actually wished I had chosen to move it up a little higher on my chest. TMI, but my boobs kind of squish together and put pressure on it when I sleep and irritate it a bit and I think it's moved it's placement. Also, depending on the bra I wear, it's placement is different. I sometimes have to adjust my boobs to make the piercing in the middle. I do like that it is hideable though, I actually have my shirt pulled down a bit in all of the pictures.

I like it. I'm not in love with it. I think I would be in love with it if it were a tad bit higher... I think it's cool and I don't know anyone else who has it.

So here are some pictures I know you all want to see. Forgive me for the quality (they were taken with my camera phone), for the inconsistency of the pictures (it's kind of hard to take multiple pictures of your boobs from the exact same angle!) and wearing the same necklace 2 times (but I just LOVE it)

This is right after it was implanted. Note how red my skin is around it from all of the pinching.
I know you've seen this picture, but this is what it looked like during week 1:

This was earlier this week. Maybe Monday?
Today: Sorry it's hard to see, I took this in the bathroom at work!

So yeah. Those are my boobs & that's my anchor. I'll let you all know when I decide to remove it!


-Rose

Friday, October 9, 2009

long time, no blog.

Hello Everyone. Yes, I've been a slacker. Yes, my "Summer Slump" is over. Well, I've said that before but this time I'm actually going to stick with it. I know I'm a shitty blogger and a shitty commenter. Even if I don't comment, it does not mean I don't read your blog (I do! What else do you do at work?!). If we don't follow you and you follow us; let us know. We want to read about your lives too!

Anyway.

I've decided to give you the updated life via pictures from my phone. This could get interesting :)

I turned 24.I was given more presents than I deserved including the coach purse below (with matching clutch), a camera and tickets to see KINGS OF LEON tomorrow... from Jill!

I quit smoking. Bye, Bye Marlboro Menthol Lights. Today is day 30 of being cigarette smoke free, thanks to Chantix. My Mom offered to pay for the prescription (about $150 a month for at least 3 months)


I've done massive amounts of shopping. I've always been a bit obsessed with vintage things and shopping. I've found a couple cute vintage stores and an auction that has things for relatively cheap. Here are some of my buys!

Whale necklace bought off Etsy

Vintage ring made out of an earring. I've decided I can totally make these and I will FINALLY have a use for tons of inherited clip-on earrings!
I am slightly obsessed with this lamp. It's my new lover. You can't tell by the picture, but it's huge. Like half my body.


Wine Wednesday. A new tradition of getting plowed and cooking a decent meal on Wednesday nights. This started to get expensive, so we have decided to only have it once a month.

I got a Microdermal / Anchor. Between my boobs. You can see the picture below, it's not a great one but it shows the placement. If you all want to know the story, I'll tell it in a later blog.
Yeah, I have a ton of pictures. Most aren't appropriate. Some have my face in them; some are completely freaking random.

I'll give it an honest effort to continue blogging. I <3 you all and miss you!

Yours,
Rose.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Am I going to die?

Back a few months ago, I moved to Redneck City, KY. Of course, it's not really called Redneck City but probably should be. Anyway, my roommate and I have had our fair share of bonfires, camping trips and shooting guns in the past few months that we decided to change things up a bit. We went hiking.


Now, hiking I can do (or so I thought). I figured we would drive to some place in the Red River Gorge, park the car, get out and walk a bit then return. I figured wrong.


We end up going to Pilot's Knob. I had heard about Pilot's Knob in one of my Kentucky History classes during college but never really considered how one would get up there. I got out of the car, looked around and saw a trail going off to the left. It looked easy enough.


We start walking down the trail, talking, having a good time. Meg (my roommate) starts telling me about the last time she hiked up to Pilot's Knob. She's using phrases such as "I thought I was going to die" and "It was pure hell on Earth." So, I start asking questions...


First Question:

How far will we be walking?

Answer:

It's about a mile and half up and a mile and half down, but don't worry about the down part of it...you'll be sliding the entire way.


Second Question:

Sliding?

Answer:

Yes, sliding on your butt. It's faster and easier that way.


Third Question:

How far up are we going?

Answer:

All the way. To the peak of the hill.

**by hill, they actually meant mountain**


Fourth Question:

Am I going to die?

Answer:

No one answered.


We continue walking **and by walking I mean climbing** up this so called hill. I'm not lying when I say that it was straight up the entire way. Occasionally you would come across a ridge and be on flat ground for like 10 steps. Anyway, we get about 1/4 of the way up and my face is blood red and I'm out of breath. I stopped, looked around and decided that this trip was not for me. I considered walking back down. However, I continued.


I finally get up to the top after puking twice and wanting to die. Now, I have to say this...I'm allergic to onions and I had eaten something that had either touched or had onions in/on it that day. I maintain the stance that this is what caused me to puke.

It was absolutely gorgeous at the top. You could see both Lexington and Richmond, KY. We stayed up on the knob for about 15 minutes then started our descent.


We literally slid down on our butts the entire way down. My ass looked like I had shit myself about 15 times from all the mud on me. However, this was the most fun I've had in a long time. Imagine a 700 foot slide. It was great! Meg ripped open the back of her pants. She totally lost the pocket to her jeans!


If you all are around the KY area and like hiking I would definitely recommend visiting Pilot's Knob...just be prepared.
<3,>
Jill


Friday, October 2, 2009

First time in Over a Month...

Yeah, bet that got your attention...


This is the first time in over a month that I have even checked the blog. Our friend Mary reminded Rose and me that the summer blog-procrastination must end!


So, I see where Rose has done the "Expose Yourself" blog...However, since I got your hopes up with the title I figure I'll do the "Expose Yourself" blog as well (don't worry though, I've been storing up some inappropriate blogs for you all of which will be posted for your reading pleasure).



The rules state: Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... its totally up to you.


1. I have a stockpile of vibrators. Some of which I have never even used. I figure, when one goes out I'll always have a spare (or several).


2. I once met a guy on hotornot.com. I decided to meet him. I'm classy. Turns out he knows my entire family. Anyway, we met had a great time....then we started fucking. Three years later and I still talk to him on occasion. Actually this past Monday we hooked up again. One night I met him at a library in town where I told him he needed a "study break". This study break ended up with us going on a country drive to a church parking lot where I proceded to give him a blow job. We ended up having sex in the back of his car, in the church parking lot. This took place on a Wednesday night...they had a few church members lingering around the church after Wednesday night services. I'm that girl.


3. I really don't have a favorite position. I can tell you that anything from behind and anything with legs over shoulders is good. I can also tell you that car hoods are the perfect height for sex. I can also tell you that nipple play is way under-rated. Yeah, I went there. Seriously though, it intensfies orgasms.


I'm going to pass this on to anyone who hasn't done it already...


-Jill

Sunday, August 23, 2009

*Expose Yourself*


I'm sure when Gina decided to tag us in the Expose Yourself thing she did it for two reasons.

1. She knew that one or both of us would do it (our blog isn't called Delightfully Inappropriate for nothing!)
2. She wanted us to get back to blogging!





The rules state: Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... its totally up to you.

I guess I should tell you who this is posting: Rose! If Jill wants to do it, she'll post a separate entry. Let's face it, we're huge slackers at blogging so you'll get two instead of one :)

1. I'm OBSESSED with this product called Liquid V for Women. The product claims to
"helps to stimulate and heighten the sensitivity in a woman's erogenous zone. This increases the rate of orgasms therefore making the moment one that can only be achieved with Liquid V." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever about all of that. All I know is when I dab a bit on my orgasms are better and quicker. I can't give a good enough review of this stuff. It may not work for everyone so I suggest getting a sample (there are little $4 samples which last quite a while at the check out counter of our Hustler)

2. I like it a bit rough. Push me around a little bit, bite me a little bit harder, slap my ass and pull my hair. I'm all yours if you do that.

3. I prefer missionary position. Don't get me wrong, I'll do it any which way, I don't really care... Missionary is just my favorite! How old school am I?

I hereby pass this award on to: ANYONE who feels brave enough to post it! Come on ladies, you know you want to!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The things you see...when you don't have a gun.

Back in May I moved to a new town. I have had a few odd experiences in the little town but none compare to what happened last night.

I was driving home from work, it's about a 45 minute drive...depending on traffic it can take an hour. Anyway, I had worked overtime and was leaving work around 6:30pm. I get into my car, turn on the music, roll down the windows and get on my way. The drive was much as it is every day. Smoking cigarettes, trying not to fall asleep...you know, the usual. I get into my small town and decide that because it was a pretty day I'd drive around in the country for a bit, just to see what I could see.

I pull up next to this old black barn, it's falling apart and you can see straight through the side of it into the adjoining field. At this point I think I'm seeing things anyway because of how tired I was...I look over at the barn and see some people standing at the back of it. Okay whatever...it's time to hang tobacco so it's normal to see people congregating around barns waiting for the trailer full of tobacco to get there so it can be hung. I didn't see any tobacco in the fields around me, but still thought nothing of it. I drove a little bit more, but turns out the road I was on dead ended at the Kentucky River. I had two choices...either drive through the river (not going to happen) or turn around.

This time around I got a better look at the people standing by the barn. They were definitely not there to hang tobacco. They had a bonfire going with some sort of large animal on the fire. I've seen people burn animals that have died on farms before, it happens all the time actually. These people were not in "farm clothing"...not at all. Each person had on black pants and white shirts, what looked to be button up shirts.

At that point I decided it was best for me to pick up my speed and act like I hadn't seen a thing...of course I had to write a blog on it.

I'm sure it was some cult ritual. Of course I'm going to have to drive down there again and do some snooping...let's just hope I can remember what road I turned down!!

Oh the things you see when you don't have a gun. Haha.

<3,
Jill

Thursday, August 13, 2009

25 Inappropriate Things About Jill

I'm copying Rose on this one. I wanted to write something, but was having severe writer's block...so here it goes...25 Inappropriate Things About Me.

1. I have slept with over 25 people, in a matter of 5 years. It's only an average of 5 per year...However, the only guys I've slept with in the past two years are all repeats. Pretty much just cut that down to 25 guys in 3 years. Doesn't sound so good now huh?

2. I have 4 tattoos. My parents only know about two of them...

3. Some of you all will remember this from a previous post. Here it goes again...I slept with Rose's younger brother. He had just turned 18, I was 22.

4. I have one of the foulest mouths. I can drop "fuck" in a sentence 6 times without even noticing I'm doing it. I also really enjoy the words cunt and ass cobra.

5. I have had buttsex. Yes, I know Rose said this in hers...but not only have I done it once, I've done it 3 times. Not enjoyable at any point and time. I will not be doing this again. But hey, you've got to spice up the sex life somehow, right?

6. I tend to get tired of people quickly. So, when dating someone I usually end up going for the guys best friend. I have almost ruined several "bromances" due to this behavior. I'm not proud.

7. I have 5 vibrators. I only use one of them. It's rechargeable! It was also on sale for $60 from $150.

8. My word vomit is horrible. I have no verbal filter. I say what I think, at all times.

9. I think about sex more than a man. Seriously...sex, sex, sex.

10. I've been in the process of losing weight for a little over a year now. I'm not trying to lose it quickly, so I've only lost about 40 lbs since I started. I still look in the mirror and see what I used to. This works in my favor, guys now think I'm hot and because I'm not used to male attention like that I unintentionally blow them off and that turns them on. I win.

11. I can always get a good laugh off of some politically incorrect joke.

12. I once was driving in a parking lot at a local mall. There was a 3 way stop, I stopped first so I was supposed to go first. Anyway, this man in a mini van almost side swiped me. I yelled "Get the fuck out of the way, you ass-cobra!" The mini van's windows were open. The man just looked at me like "What did she just call me?" He was more confused than angry that I was yelling at him.

13. I have no problem making fun of people to their face, especially if I don't know you. I used to go shopping with my roommate. We would get fucked up, walk around and make fun of all the high school kids. I'm a winner.

14. My first time at Bonnaroo I bought some sweet tea and a corn dog at the Dave show. 15 minutes after taking my first sip of the sweet tea I started seeing Jesus in the clouds. That was the best sweet tea I have ever had.

15. Back in college, Rose and I crashed a Bachelor Party. We didn't even know these guys! I ended up almost sleeping with the Bachelor. A friend of ours came into the room and told me it wasn't going to happen. I rolled over and said "You think I'd actually do anything with that tiny thing? Gives a whole new meaning to "shake it like a salt shaker."

16. I never give second chances to people. You fuck me over, I will make your life a living hell. For example...my little sister in the sorority I was in during college. She fooled around with a guy I had been dating on and off for several years, during a time that me and him were together. I made her life so horrible that she transferred schools and decided she was a lesbian.

17. I used to keep Facebook open at work, all day long. Now, they've gone and blocked it. I feel like I'm beating the system by using my phone.

18. The other day while on lunch I went to this convention my employers were having. They had a group of handicapped kids performing a dance. I sat there and didn't know whether or not to laugh or cry. Everyone around me had no problem deciding which one to do...they were fighting back tears.

19. When Rose and I were checking out of our hotel in Baltimore, we had an Indian woman checking us out. She was asking me a question, I didn't understand a word that was coming out of her mouth. My response was "Huh?!?!?" in a rather loud voice. She asked again. Rather loudly I respond with "WHAT?!?!?" Rose walked off, while she was walking away I finally understood what the woman was saying to me, "Did you enjoy your stay?" My response, "Oh, huh"...I then walked off. One of the groomsmen was sitting at a table in the lobby. He looked at Rose and said, "Yeah, I'd walk off too if she were my friend." The entire lobby heard me acting like a dumbass.
Rose...she knew exactly what the woman was saying to me the entire time.

20. I once had sex within 3 feet of my roommate at the time. Good thing she was passed out drunk.

21. I made out with one of my best girl friends to get a guy away from me at a bar. He was "in love" with me and wouldn't stop dry humping my leg, we weren't even out on the dance floor. I told him I was a lesbian and that my friend was my long-term girlfriend.

22. I once met a guy from Hotornot.com at midnight in a random park, about 2 years ago. Turns out he's a really great guy. I'm actually going over to his place tonight... ;)

23. My friend Luke and I send emails back and forth everyday making fun of the teachers he works with. They send him stupid shit all day long, he sends it to me. I make fun of the person. He laughs. I laugh. Making fun of people, it's what I do best.

24. I don't like to be clothed.

25. I have this problem where I give people horrible looks without realizing that I am doing it. I've actually made a person cry, just by the way I looked at them. It's hard to describe, but trust me...if I don't like you, you can tell it by the look in my eyes...and I'm not shy about it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

25 Inappropriate Things.

I saw this idea somewhere else but I can't remember where. This is a list of 25 inappropriate/bad things about me.

I'm not tagging anyone in this. It's pretty amusing to do though!

on to the list:

1. I flip the bird at least 10 times a week while driving.

2. I'm supposed to make at least 35 calls a day to clients. I call Jill, my mom, my sister, my dad's office and sometimes my cell phone's voicemail to reach the number

3. I am a straight up creep status. If I want to know something about you I will find it out. I will facebook, myspace and/or google the shit out of you. I've even made Jill drive passed a house or two to see the guy's living situation.

4. Sometimes when I get pain pills for my cramps, I'll take one or two recreationally.

5. Lately, when someone pisses me off I've written them off. I used to be forgiving but not so much anymore. I have a "fuck off and die" list right now.

6. I got caught shoplifting when I was 16 and was on probation until I was 18

7. My 16 year old cousin went shopping with me last weekend. Instead of scolding her, I asked her why she didn't lift something for me.

8. I say "fuck" at least 100 times a day.

9. When I was 21, I had a freshman fling who had just turned 18. Now, at 23, I made out with a 47 year old co-worker who is married and has kids my age. Also at 23, I have a minor crush on my little brothers best friend. I need to change my life, starting immediately.

10. I am in love with a guy from work. It's not even that he's really attractive. He's about 40. Has a wife and kid. We have so much in common it's ridiculous. Sparks start flying when we start talking. We love the same music, books, bars and the list could go on. A co-worker even noticed it. I wish he wasn't married OR had a kid because I would be allllll over that. I think about fucking him all the time. I mean All. The. Time.

11. My first vibrator will always be my favorite. I hope it never dies.

12. I will always have a love for the "Team America" song... America, FUCK YEAH... so lick my butt and suck on my balls. It always gets stuck in my head at the most inappropriate times ...like right now, at work.

13. The same with "Wow, I can get sexual too" by Say Anything... "I called her on the phone and she touched herself....she touched herself...she touched herself. I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep."

14. I say exactly what I think. If I think something looks bad, I'll say it. Normally this causes shocked reactions from people because the word "fuck" is often involved.

15. I once left a fraternity party to go home with a boy from another school. He was engaged. Jill got pissed and I told her I would find my own way home from his house. She called my sister. Our friendship almost ended over it.

16. The first person I ever gave a blowjob to had a serious girlfriend. After him there was a string of guys who were in relationships. I'm passed that stage in my life (ignore said 47 year old co-worker. I was fuuuuucked up).

17. I once hooked up with a guy name Bobby. He was decent looking and hung around my coffee house. He crashed a college party and told all my friends that I gave him the best head of his life. I took a bit of pride in that. Then Jill had butt sex with him.

18. Ever since I broke up with Sam I've been horny all the time. It sucks because the men around here = not so good.

19. The other night I asked my Dad a pressing question. "Dad, here's a pressing question: is it better to have oral or genital herpes? Do you want the world to know you're a whore or just your significant other?" See... I'm even inappropriate with my parents.

20. Apparently when I'm messed up, I always talk about sex. Jill said that a night with me isn't complete unless I bring up sex.. The other day I actually said "I'm trying really hard not to talk about sex right now."

21. 90% of the time my boobs are showing at work. Unless I have on a turtleneck or t-shirt, my cleavage is showing. Although not my fault, my boobs are huge. No one has ever said anything though.

22. If I'm eating at work and not going out to lunch, I won't stay clocked out for an hour. I'll clock out, cook my food, eat it, clock back in and then sit around for a while smoking or whatever. They cut my overtime at work, so I have to do something. Plus, this normally results in being able to leave early on Friday because I've capped my hours.

23. An addition to #5. On Saturday Jill & I went to a wedding. A pregnant friend (well, former friend. neither of us has talked to her in about a year), wanted to catch up with us. We ignored her. Straight up looked her in the eyes and walked away. No words exchanged.

24. I like off color jokes. Helen Keller and dead baby jokes almost always cause me to chuckle.

25. I've spent more time making this list than actually working.


This list was a bit difficult to write. There are so many different things I could write but I didn't want to air all of my dirty laundry :)

<3,
Rose

Thursday, August 6, 2009

analytics

It has been what feels like forever since I've written a blog post. My apologies. I'll start writing again, I swear.

I can't think of a good topic so I'm falling back on one I've wanted to do for months.

GOOGLE ANALYTICS

Here are some of my favorite searches (and of course, my running commentary!) that landed people on our blog since December 2008:

-fuck my life dot com
(why didn't this cheese ball just type it in the browser?)

-blowjobs
(awesome)

-put your party hat on. and by party hat i mean no panties
(I swear, I am going to send that text to a man one day)


-"we have located your pants"
(where have they been? I've been looking for them for AGES)


-accelerated reader test cheats
(stfu. I didn't know AR was still around!)

-barry manilow virus
(ugh. it's the equivalent of chlamydia to a laptop)


-blowjobs at the drive in
(that wasn't me!)

-vagina necklace
(okay, I understand stumbling across this online. However, actually searching for it? I hope they didn't buy it!)


-"a pelvic" doctor me
(you sure as fuck aren't giving me a pelvic exam if you're the pelvic doctor. And whats up with the incorrect use of quotations ??)


-"condiment as a verb"
(how in the hell did you end up on our blog??)


-"full bladder" "better orgasms"
(I'll take my chances on not having a better orgasm in order not to piss all over someone)

-"i just saw a midget buying"
(what? what did you see it buy? porn? an el camino? a mullet wig???)


-jill fart
(and it was rank)

-"life's a bitch" charm
(as in for a bracelet? that could work if Jill and I can't afford our "Best Fucking Friends" charm necklace!)

-"pooped my pants" panties
(do your panties say "pooped my pants" or did you do it?)

-"she had to pee so bad"
(story of my life)

-25 inappropriate things about me
(future blog post from Rose)

-1girl and 1cup
-3 cups 1girl
-to grils one cup
(okay. it's 2 girls, 1 cup.)

-apartment "peeing off the balcony"
(does this happen a lot? and you too have issues with quotes)

-asking when am i getting pregnant just because im newly married is pathetic
(how did you end up here? we're not married nor pregnant. interesting)

-blog posts about sonic drive in
(i'm assuming this was a Sonic employee. If so, email me at delightfullyinappropriate at yahoo dot com and i'll give you my address for the free coupons I should get for watching someone piss in your drive thru)

-boners caught in public
(i'm guessing a gay man searched this)

-did it really happen drunk
(probably)

-gave him boner
(done)

-girls fuck blogger
(we are girls. we fuck. we have a blog. we don't fuck blogger)

-i'd hit that 911
(I'm taking 911 as NOW. So, ditto)

-inappropriate ladies
(absofuckinglutely)

-jill got him cheating boyfriend ky 2009
(Jill, do we need to share something?)

-mature vulva
(mah. not here)

-puking sorority blowjob
(i've had some rough nights in the past but nothing to that extreme)

-when are kittens most plentiful
(spring. haha. i don't think there is ever a more plentiful time!)

-wifi "chest monitor"
(i don't even know what you mean. however, I applaud your use of quotes since nothing makes sense)

-young hotties no kids not married
(yep)

Friday, July 31, 2009

Balt <3 Amour

Ladies and Gentlemen...I'm writing my first post in a loooooong time. Sorry for my lack of presence here lately, I know you all missed me...haha.

Rose and I just got back from a lovely extended weekend in Baltimore. I had no clue that the original Washington Monument is in downtown Baltimore! Rose was nice enough to let me stop, pay for valet parking and walk to the damn statue. I have a small obsession with good ole' George Washington...or Georgie as I refer to him as.



We had a great time in Charm City. My best friend from high school was getting married, I was her Maid of Honor...I wouldn't have been able to make it without Rose along for the haul. Luckily I'm fortunate to have a best friend willing to make a 9 hour drive with me just to watch someone get married. Of course we had our share of mischief.

Rose and I got into the Baltimore area last Thursday afternoon. We had a little bit of time before the rehearsal dinner, so we decided to grab some lunch. Before we left we decided that we should get crab legs, since we were close to the coast and they would be fresh. We go to this cute little place called Wet Willy's Crab Deck, thinking they would have the best crab legs we had ever eaten. We decided to split an order of a dozen...we waited for our food. When the waitress came out with our food, she plopped 12 WHOLE CRABS on our table.




Rose's face went blank. I decided to take control of the situation and told the woman that I needed to be "reminded" of how to get into the crab to get the meat. She showed me...my gag reflex started going full speed ahead. I new that Rose couldn't do it, so it was all up to me. I think we maybe ate 7 of the damn crabs.
Apparently this is the only way you can get crab in Maryland...disgusting. WTF?

In our adventures, the GPS took us straight through the Baltimore ghetto. GPS's really should have a feature that is called "Reroute though a better part of town." I feared for my life. Scary shit.

One afternoon Rose and I were starving...this was on the same day we saw Georgie...We decided that after stopping to see the monument that we would grab some food. We pulled out the trusty (or not so trusty) GPS to find somewhere to eat within walking distance. In honor of George we decided to walk over to The Mount Vernon Stable.


At this restaurant we ended up having the most fabulous crab soup ever. It totally made up for the earlier crab situation. We also sat next to two drag queens who were in their 60's. Amazing...they didn't even try to cover up their masculine voices. Made my day.

In a nutshell that was our trip to Baltimore. We had a blast...I've decided that a 4 day weekend once every 6 months is completely necessary. Where should I go next? I was thinking maybe D.C. Where-ever it is I hope that it is just as much fun as Baltimore.

<3
Jill

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Best Conversation EVER.

My sister told me about a conversation she overheard by my parents. When she told me I started laughing so hard I almost pissed my pants. In fact, I am still cracking up over it.

Background:
My Dad is very conservative, quiet and reserved. My Mom, not so much. She is more like me: loud, always has to say SOMETHING and most of the time its inappropriate. My parents are polar opposites and I think that is why they get along so well.

On to the conversation:
Mom (who was being dead serious): I need to get a new dress, D.
Dad: Well, why? Are we going somewhere? Do you really need a new one?
Mom (still holding strong and being serious): Yeah, I need it for MJ's funeral.
Dad: *mutters* Jesus Christ.

I so wish I could have heard it. Now, my Mom wouldn't really get a dress for the funeral of MJ, she just likes to get my dad all riled up. This totally tops the list of things she does to aggravate my father!

I know Jill is cracking up reading this just thinking about my Mom saying that to my good old conservative pops!

RIP MJ,
Rose

Saturday, July 4, 2009

the psychic.

I had 2 psychic readings today. For free. Both were dead on.

My sister has 4 coworkers that are psychics. Yes, psychics. Yes, four of them. A couple weeks ago she had a lady, Cat, read her coffee grounds. Of course, I was totally sucked into this and dying to have mine read. Sis talked to Cat and she said I could come in today when she got off work and have mine read.

I was told to bring in used coffee grounds, a styrofoam cup and a payday candy bar (Cat can see peoples fortune better if they are nice to her so since I've never met her apparently bringing her favorite candy bar is the next best thing)

When I first got to my sister's work, Cat hadn't finished her shift yet so I was sitting in the lobby with Sis. Pat (the other psychic) came up and started chatting to us and told my sister she was going out to smoke. With Pat, her abilities are hit or miss. She can't choose when to know something she just does. She was about halfway down the hall and comes back to me and says "Are you involved with anyone?" I told her not really, just Timmy and that was just sex. She looked at me and said "Whatever you do, don't trust him." Then she looked at my palm and told me that I will have three children. She said sometimes that it could be miscarriages and/or pregnancy (like 1 miscarriage, 2 children). That was all that Pat really said as she was still on the clock.

Cat clocks out and asks me to come into the back room with her while she mixes the cup. My sister grabs a cup for me (of course I had to forget something!!) and dumps the coffee grounds into the cup of water. Cat then grabs a plate and we go into the library where no one will bother me.

Once in the library she told me to swirl the coffee grounds while thinking about things I want her to touch on (I chose job, female issues/possible endometriosis, love life and my brother). She then had me put the plate over the top of the cup and flip it upside down. I had to spin the cup 3 full times (coffee ground water was spilling all over the plate!) and hand it to her. She took the cup off of the plate and peered into and that's how she was able to see things about me. She said it was a bit difficult to read as it was a tall coffee cup, not a small one, but she knew things anyway!

Cat talked to me for a full hour until she had to meet her sister.

Here are some of the things I can remember:
-The first thing she told me is the house I'm living in has some minor plumbing issues (which my bathroom is jacked. My tub and sink drip water ALL the time).

- I have a silver lining around me. Cat said she doesn't see that often but it is similar to a guardian angel watching over me at all times. She also said that it brings luck to me.

-She doesn't see me having surgery for endometriosis. She told me that I need to go see a female gynocologist and they'll straighten everything out.

-My brother will get joint custody of his children. She sees his future ex wife moving back to Kentucky on her own. She said that my dad has some pull in the court system that we don't know about yet. She also kept seeing my brother throw his kids up in the air and catching them.

-She said that right now I can really relate to MJ's song "Man in the Mirror" because I'm going through big changes in my life

-She told me that I have a large group of friends and that I love to dance.

-She told me that I was going on a trip soon (Jill and I are traveling to Maryland in 3 weeks for a wedding), that we decided to drive instead of fly (true), we'll have fun. She told me that she feels that I'll catch the bouquet. She also said that Jill will be running around like a mad woman right before it's time to leave because she won't leave until everything is perfect and she'll procrastinate until the last minute to get everything done.

-She said I either already know or will meet a bald man. (I think I already know him). She said the bald man will somehow connect me to a man that I'll "get on with really well." She said that he'll be very tan, have stunning eyes and that we will make the perfect pair. She told me that he either works at/around the airport or I will meet him there. She thinks his name starts with R and could possibly be Ron. R is around my age. She seriously went to town on this person. She knew a ton about him.

-She knew I was unhappy with my job. She told me that she knew I felt under appreciated and that I have too much energy for my position. Cat also said that there was envy towards me because I was doing so well and when I leave they will have no reason not to give me a stellar recommendation. She said someone I know will help me find a job better suited for me, but I will not be leaving my current position until I find it.

- She told me I'll have more opportunities to travel in the future but I won't be able to take them due to work/finances

- She told me that although I don't always think so, all of my friends and family think I'm hilarious

-She talked a lot about Sam. She said that he and his family loved me very much and that he still does. She said it will crush him when I start to date again. She told me what type of dog he has (!), his roommate isn't a good influence on him and she even told me what he looked like.

It was ABSOLUTELY ridiculous how much Cat told me. She knew things that no one else would be able to pinpoint. I wish I had taken a pad of paper in there and written it all down so I could remember it. She was going so fast that I can't even remember it all. She told me that she would love to read me again and I seriously can't wait.

I'm a believer,
Rose.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

1 girl + 1 cup = Sonic Drive In

No matter how outlandish what you're about to read may sound, it is true.

My sister came and met me for lunch today. After eating our yummy red curry we decided to hit up the Sonic Drive-In right next door for some beverages.

Now picture this:

After I ordered our drinks, I pulled my car up. We were the fourth car from the window. The driver of the car directly in front of mine (white, approximately 45-50 year old, female) opens her door and starts to get out. I'm positive she's about to blow chunks. Of course, we're staring hardcore to see if this woman pukes.

The car in front of her drives off so she pulls her car up. She starts to get out of her car again and actually makes it all the way out.

I swear on all things Holy this is true: She grabs a Styrofoam cup, puts it under her skirt and pees.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the woman not only peed in the line at the Sonic drive-thru, but she didn't even try to hide it.

She then got back into her car and pulled up to the window to get her food.

My sister and I just looked at each other and couldn't say anything. Both of us were totally speechless. I've never seen such a thing. EVER.

HERE IS THE KICKER (just when you thought this story couldn't get any better/worse):

She handed the cup to the passenger who poured it out the window.

We asked the guy working the window if he saw it and unfortunately he didn't. Needless to say, we called everyone we could think about to tell them all about it.

Still speechless,
Rose

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Perfection

Last night was the Dave Matthews concert. Dave was sexy (oh, man was he sexy), the music was amazing, the dancing was good, Tim Reynolds playing was a nice little surprise, the all night torrential downpour added a little something wonderful to the show (is anything in life better than dancing and singing in the rain to DMB? Anyone??).

One of the best nights we've had in a long time.

First off, Rose jammed the fuck out to Grey Street. He even said "Colors bold and bright" just they way she likes it. Seriously, Dave may have given her an orgasm. It was perfection. It was an overall amazing show, one of the best DMB concerts we've seen thus far (This is Rose's 4th and Jill's 3rd). He even ended with Halloween (which if you're a huge Dave enthusiast you know is rare and major jamming with occur).

And just to make you all jealous, here is the set list:

Dave Matthews Band
2009-06-16
Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH


Shake Me Like a Monkey
Funny The Way It Is
Stay Or Leave
Dive In
The Stone
Anyone Seen The Bridge
Too Much (tease)
Ants Marching
Lying In the Hands of God
Why I Am
Lie In Our Graves
So Damn Lucky
Seven
Jimi Thing
Squirm
You and Me
Everyday
#41
Grey Street

Encore:
Alligator Pie
Halloween

Still Jammin'
Rose & Jill

Friday, June 12, 2009

keepin' it classy.

So on Wednesday, Jill & I took a country dip for her birthday and to celebrate FUF a bit early (that would be Fucked Up Friday for those who don't know).

*The following has been added in by Jill, with Rose's permission:
I went to Rose's house and picked her up, we started driving. Rose was telling me where to drive, because I had no clue where I was going. We drove around for a good hour, finally I looked at Rose and asked her where the hell we were at. Rose calmly rolled down her window and said "Uh, I'm not sure. I think we are going to go under the interstate then we will be at the road that will take us back home."
ROSE HAD NO IDEA WHERE WE WERE!
Turns out, we had driven to the next town over, 30 minutes away!*

As soon as I got home I took a bath because I didn't want to smell. I got all paranoid that my parents would know that I was home if I drained the bathtub. Nevermind they probably heard me fill it up. Oh, classy, I know.

I passed out at about 8:30 that night. Mostly because I was tired, partly because I was out of my mind and quite possibly because I ate a junior bacon cheeseburger, chicken sandwich, fries and a large dr. pepper from Wendy's. Whatever.

About 9:30 I heard this loud boom but continued to sleep. Dad came in the room to see if something happened (like I fell out of the bed, I guess. I'm known for that and talking incoherently while sleeping) and asked me what it was.

This was our conversation:

Dad: What was that?
Rose: It was the cannon
D: What cannon?
R: The cannon on the road.
D: Huh?
R: The cannon that Jill and I passed on the road on my way home. What the fuck are you talking about?
D: What the fuck are you talking about?
R: I don't know.

Then I proceeded to fall back on the pillow and pass out.

Turns out, the cannon was a firework my brother set off.

Whatta Night,
Rose

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Feliz Cumpleanos

To Me!!!
It's my 24th birthday today!! I know that in the big scheme of things I'm still very young...but I feel like an old woman!
Everyday when I get to work I have my horoscope waiting to be read in my inbox. This morning I had a special birthday horoscope waiting for me...it read:
"You continue to ride a growing wave of enthusiasm, yet keeping your balance becomes trickier and trickier throughout the day. Still, today you aren't interested in taking shortcuts; you want to be in touch with the magic that comes from experiencing the entire journey, even if this makes things more difficult for a while. There's no way to go back to this moment, so make sure you don't miss anything along the way. "
Let's just say that my balance was a bit off to start with today...if it's going to get worse, someone is going to get hurt!
After reading that I decided to do some research...this is what I found.
On my birthday in the past...I've had some, well...interesting things happen.
-Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by "Bill W." in 1935.
Now, come on...is someone trying to tell me something? So what if I ended up having a beer on my lunch and I wasn't exactly sober coming into work today?
"Hello, my name is Jillian and I am a pseudo-alcoholic."
-Italy replaced his monarchy with a republic in 1946.
-The Six-Day War between Israel and Syria, Egypt, and Jordan ended in 1967.
-Apparently the kite/electricity experiment also happened on June 10...fitting especially since there is a HUGE storm outside right now (and I was born in a storm).
This is what I'm most excited about....drum roll please.
JUDY GARLAND AND I SHARE A BIRTHDAY!!!!! Too bad she's dead.
Happy Birthday to me...I'll say it again!
Hope you all have as great of a day as me.
<3>
Jill

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Getting Lucky in Kentucky.

So this happened last Saturday but I've been too lazy to write about it.

Remember the story of the candy jar thief? CT, otherwise known as Timmy?

Yeah, I fucked him last Saturday.

He called me on Saturday and I told me he was sorry he didn't call me when he went out the week before in Big Town (although I didn't know he was supposed to), but he was going to go out that night with his new roommate Addison (who was starting as an intern at my/Timmy's old job the following Monday. He knew her in college & got her the job) and asked if I wanted to go. It was about 10 and I had no plans so I told him I would take a shower and make my way to his apartment.

I got there and he told me we were going to go to a new bar called Sound because our bosses kids worked there. So we walked the four or so blocks down there *side note: I wore 4 inch pumps. I still have blisters to remember the night* We walked in and I immediately knew it was a gay bar. Which in KY means 2 things: Amazing dancing music & strong drinks.

So we're getting our drink on and dancing. All of a sudden Timmy kisses me. I just kind of danced away because, seriously, it was Timmy. A few more cocktails later I found myself kissing him back while dancing.

Then we're in the corner making out.

Next thing I know, we're walking our drunkity drunk asses back to his apartment (we totally left Addison!) stopping on the street corners to make out even more.

We get back to his place and the clothes start flying. We went at it like 4 times. Every time I thought we were done it started again. We even moved the party to the shower (hellllllooooo, hot!). Let me just say, the sex was amazing. Not just because I was drunk either. And I know this because we got down the next morning.

I'm not sure if it will happen again but we've talked a bit since then and both agree that we know what happens/will happen when we get drunk together. Which is perfectly fine with me.

Addison had me laughing so hard about it last night for several reasons:
1. She told me that she just knew that I would pull her aside at work on her first day and be all "don't fucking tell anyone" which I obviously didn't because it was a bit awkward. We had to get drunk before I was able to open up about it.
2. She told me she could hear EVERYTHING minus the morning sex. She told me that she didn't think she would ever pass out. She said I did a pretty good job of keeping quiet but that Timmy is wayyy loud (I made a serious effort to keep quiet because I knew she was like right outside the fucking door).
3.Timmy's apartment is a 1 bedroom/1 bathroom (that is actually in his bedroom) and she's staying on a blow-up mattress on the living room while she's working with us. She told me she had to pee so bad and she didn't want to interupt us so she pissed on their fucking balcony and prayed the people below weren't out!

xxx & ohhhhhs,
Rose

Friday, June 5, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I would like to announce that my near 7 month streak of celibacy has ended. THANK GOD!!!!!!

Chastity Belt=No more! Haha

Let me tell you, if all sex were as good as what I had last night...I'd wait 7 months in between hook-ups all the time. Sweet Jesus it was good. Now I have to say, Christian doesn't have the biggest ship in the water, but damn he's got the motion in the ocean. I've had a lot of sex in my 23 (soon to be 24) years on earth and last night was 10 times better than any I've ever had. Let's put it this way, all day today I have thought about it.

Last night both of my roommates were gone, so after work I ran a few errands. I ended up getting home around 10pm to see Christian and Samuel (Meg, my roommate's boyfriend) sitting outside on the back porch. They were passing around a fifth of cheap vodka. Now I can get down on some cheap vodka...it's all I drank in college...so I decided to have a few shots. I had a slight buzz going on, so did the boys.

We all went inside where we listened to some Led Zeppelin and Janis Joplin. Meg works third shift, so she's never home before midnight. We waited up for her. By this time Samuel had decided that he didn't need to drive after drinking what he had. Samuel went into Meg's room and went to bed.

Here I am sitting in the living room with Christian...up until this point I hadn't thought anything would ever happen between us other than what already had happened. We had "made-out" back a few months ago when we all went camping and I thought that experience was too good to be true. Laying under the stars in his arms having every bit of my body touched in just the right way...oh goodness...it was great.

Anyway, back to the original story. I thought that the extent of me and Christian would end there.

I asked Christian where he was going to sleep, he said that he would probably either pass out on the floor or sleep on the couch. Neither was acceptable to me. In a casual way, I told him that he was more than welcome to come sleep in my bedroom. He jumped at the opportunity. Hells yes.

We get into my room and he starts cuddling with me. I'm not a cuddler. I actually don't like cuddling at all. I'd prefer to get the deed done and call it a night, of course while having a great time in the act. So, here we are cuddling and I was actually enjoying it. Soon we were kissing and then I was on top of him, he was on top of me...

Whoo!
Sorry y'all no dirty details...however, I'm being serious when I say this...If I could only ever sleep with him for the rest of my life, I'd jump on the opportunity.

And that is the story of how Jill broke her 7 month streak of celibacy.


<3>
Jillian




Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I blame facebook.

The summer I graduated college (2007), I stopped at a local gas station to buy cigarettes. The cashier was a girl I went to high school with named Amy.

Me: Hi, how are you? I need a carton of marlboro menthol lights, please.
Amy: Here ya go. So, how many kids do you have?
Me: Um none, I just graduated from Private College two weeks ago.
Amy: Well, I have 2 at home and 1 in the oven.
Me: *thinking* Well, good for you. You're doing so well for yourself...working at the Marathon and three kids. Glad I don't have any...What 21 year old would want to have any kids? Let alone three???"

Fast forward two years.

I don't know if it is because I'm single with no real relationship anywhere on the horizon, the fact that I might have endometriosis and have a harder time getting pregnant or what, but I feel like every time I get on facebook someone I know is now engaged, getting married this weekend or pregnant.

I feel like I'm behind. Don't get my wrong, I'm loving the single life (to an extent and that extent involves sleeping with new men and doing whatever the hell I want), but this summer I feel like a big part of me suddenly turned on and is yearning to settle down, get married, get pregnant and begin nesting. I'm ready for the next stage of my life.

My younger, married sister is going to start trying for a baby soon. I feel like I should be the one trying because I'm oldest. I've always said I'm not sure if I want children. As of late, I do. I really do. At this point I would settle for an adult relationship with a man. (And by adult, I mean someone I love, who can support me, has a steady job and where the relationship actually has a future, so pretty much the entire opposite of my relationship with Sam). Just something to postpone this newly acquired baby fever.

I blame facebook for jump starting my biological clock. I know that I'm still young and have plenty of time, but I feel like my clock just started ticking and it's all I can hear. Tick. Marriage. Tock. Babies.

Am I the only one who feels this way???

Single and baby-less,
Rose

 
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