First time in Over a Month...

Yeah, bet that got your attention...

This is the first time in over a month that I have even checked the blog. Our friend Mary reminded Rose and me that the summer blog-procrastination must end!

So, I see where Rose has done the "Expose Yourself" blog...However, since I got your hopes up with the title I figure I'll do the "Expose Yourself" blog as well (don't worry though, I've been storing up some inappropriate blogs for you all of which will be posted for your reading pleasure).

The rules state: Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... its totally up to you.

1. I have a stockpile of vibrators. Some of which I have never even used. I figure, when one goes out I'll always have a spare (or several).

2. I once met a guy on hotornot.com. I decided to meet him. I'm classy. Turns out he knows my entire family. Anyway, we met had a great time....then we started fucking. Three years later and I still talk to him on occasion. Actually this past Monday we hooked up again. One night I met him at a library in town where I told him he needed a "study break". This study break ended up with us going on a country drive to a church parking lot where I proceded to give him a blow job. We ended up having sex in the back of his car, in the church parking lot. This took place on a Wednesday night...they had a few church members lingering around the church after Wednesday night services. I'm that girl.

3. I really don't have a favorite position. I can tell you that anything from behind and anything with legs over shoulders is good. I can also tell you that car hoods are the perfect height for sex. I can also tell you that nipple play is way under-rated. Yeah, I went there. Seriously though, it intensfies orgasms.

I'm going to pass this on to anyone who hasn't done it already...

-Jill

I blame facebook.

The summer I graduated college (2007), I stopped at a local gas station to buy cigarettes. The cashier was a girl I went to high school with named Amy.

Me: Hi, how are you? I need a carton of marlboro menthol lights, please.
Amy: Here ya go. So, how many kids do you have?
Me: Um none, I just graduated from Private College two weeks ago.
Amy: Well, I have 2 at home and 1 in the oven.
Me: *thinking* Well, good for you. You're doing so well for yourself...working at the Marathon and three kids. Glad I don't have any...What 21 year old would want to have any kids? Let alone three???"

Fast forward two years.

I don't know if it is because I'm single with no real relationship anywhere on the horizon, the fact that I might have endometriosis and have a harder time getting pregnant or what, but I feel like every time I get on facebook someone I know is now engaged, getting married this weekend or pregnant.

I feel like I'm behind. Don't get my wrong, I'm loving the single life (to an extent and that extent involves sleeping with new men and doing whatever the hell I want), but this summer I feel like a big part of me suddenly turned on and is yearning to settle down, get married, get pregnant and begin nesting. I'm ready for the next stage of my life.

My younger, married sister is going to start trying for a baby soon. I feel like I should be the one trying because I'm oldest. I've always said I'm not sure if I want children. As of late, I do. I really do. At this point I would settle for an adult relationship with a man. (And by adult, I mean someone I love, who can support me, has a steady job and where the relationship actually has a future, so pretty much the entire opposite of my relationship with Sam). Just something to postpone this newly acquired baby fever.

I blame facebook for jump starting my biological clock. I know that I'm still young and have plenty of time, but I feel like my clock just started ticking and it's all I can hear. Tick. Marriage. Tock. Babies.

Am I the only one who feels this way???

Single and baby-less,
Rose

Easy Money: Snail Herd at Home!

As you all know, my life has a been a bit hectic as of late but the good news is I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things! Meaning: I'll post more often and start commenting :)

I've been meaning to post this for quite a long time, but keep forgetting. One day I was on our email [delightfullyinappropriates(at)yahoo.com]. I was writing a blog and accidentally clicked the subject button. To my surprise, it filled in a subject for me. So, I clicked it again. A new subject popped up. I bet I spent AT LEAST an hour clicking that fucking button.

Not only is it perfect for people like me that can never figure out what to write in that damn space but they're funny too! I've decided from now on when I can't think of a blog title, I'm using that subject button bitch. Here are a few of my favorites (and of course, what I thought when I read them):

open air hubhub or underwater sub snub?
By far my favorite. Plus it is super fun to say.

dog snoring: better than a good haircut
I'm going to disagree on this one.

girls, are, wicked awesome
someone missed the day in elementary school that was dedicated to the comma.

I Brake for Unicorns
Ditto.

Early bird gets the worm. But what about the early worm?
It dies.

I'd love to but I'm building a pig from a kit.
This is way better than saying "Sorry, I'm washing my hair"

Facts: 1) Ninjas are mammals. 2) Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3) The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
I couldn't have said it better myself

We have located your pants
THANK JESUS! been wondering about them for DAYS

Who drank my crystal pepsi?
Someone in the 1980s

Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!
Oh HELLS YES.

Go ahead, try it. It will change your life. It's worth it, I swear!

Kinda like Desmond from Lost but not saving the world,
Rose

Here is a lovely waste of 2 minutes...You're welcome =]

Hey Y'all!

Sorry, I've been a blog procrastinator, again...

Not a lot has been going on here in Kentucky, minus the weather!
It seriously was 70 degrees one day, the next it was 30 degrees and snowing!! Talk about messing with one's allergies, mine have been all over the place for the past two weeks.
Today it's raining and we have the chance for severe storms.

Hope you enjoyed the weather report...

I'm pretty stoked because the Avett Brothers are coming to my hometown in June! I've been needing to go to a show, and this one will be a great one to get back into the swing of going to shows! Plus--I got second row seating!
If you don't know who the Avett Brothers are, you should. Check them out on Myspace, or you can go here.
Here is a picture of them...



If you can't tell, I'm in a really good mood today. Today, being Good Friday, I only have to work a half-day. As of right now I have 2 hours to go! I get to get out of here at 11am, kudos to me for getting here at 7am this morning.

I know this has been a really random post from yours truly, but thank you for sticking with me. I'm trying to get back into the groove.

-Jill

He has seen your what???

It's my mom's birthday weekend. My family celebrates birthdays by becoming gluttons for a weekend.

Last night my family got together for my mom's official birthday meal. We went to a really nice restaurant, where I didn't feel comfortable anyway. So, we are sitting there having a great time when this guy comes in and starts talking to my dad. My dad knows everyone in our city. And by everyone, I seriously mean everyone. Anyway, I look at this guy talking to my dad when I realize that he is one of the doctors at the local ER.

Apparently my face turned really red, because my mom looked over at me and said "Are you okay? Your face just turned really red." She thought I was choking on my sashimi. So, I swallowed my food and all I could get out were the words "He has seen my za-za-down-there." Everyone at the table looked at me. They thought I had done the deed with this guy! Quickly I had to explain that he was an ER doctor and that I had gone to the ER with bad stomach pains, they gave me a pelvic exam, and he just happened to be the doctor to dive in down there.
The doctor guy, who is still talking to my dad while I'm explaining all this to my family, looks over at me. He cracks a smile and says "Don't worry I wouldn't recognize what your face looked like anyway...I'd have to see the nether regions of your body."
I almost spit my food out.

The doctor dude and his date ended up being seated at the table next to us, so needless to say I ended up with a really awkward dinner experience. I'm pretty sure that the doctor ended up explaining the whole story to his date too, because she started hysterically laughing a few minutes after they sat down.

My dad also had to tell the other side of the family tonight at Olive Garden the whole story. So, I got to re-live the entire experience. Lovely.

WTF, your mortified BFF Jill?

I Killed...

A MOTHER FUCKING CANADIAN GOOSE!!!!!!

Seriously. I killed a Canadian Goose.

I worked late tonight, until about 6pm. I take a back road to I-64, it breaks up the monotony of the interstate. Anyway, I'm driving along when I turn my head to the left just to see a group of Canadian geese flying in one of those Vs that they fly in. I thought "Oh how pretty." Then I thought "Fuck, that V is really close to the road...it kind of looks like it's going to hit me."

Next thing I know I hear a loud bang. A rogue goose had flown away from the group...I just closed my eyes, screamed and hoped for the best. When I opened my eyes I could see the remnants of feathers flying around my car and a slobber mark on my windshield! I was completely expecting my windshield to be shattered and for there to be goose blood all over my car. Thank God that wasn't the case. I would have freaked the fuck out, or freaked out more that I already did.

So, I decided that it was a good idea to douse my windshield in windshield washer fluid, say a little prayer for the goose and then call Rose to tell her all about my goose fiasco.

The more I think about it, the less I feel bad. My apartment has a large field behind it and it just happens that all the Canadian geese flock to it in the mornings. I can't count the number of times I have been woken up on a Saturday morning, when I'm trying to sleep in, by stupid mother fucking Canadian geese. Aren't they supposed to migrate to warm places during the winter?

<3,
Jill

Another completely random post brought to you by: Jill

I've decided to give Mr. Wonderful a chance.
The girl who sits next to me at work read my tarot cards Friday, it was scarily in tune with my current situation. So, anyway...because of the tarot, I'm giving him a chance. It might not work, but I can't say that I didn't try.

My friend Meg is moving in with me and Rach today. I'm supposed to be over at Mr. Wonderful's apartment at 3 to watch a movie and hang out...but I don't know how I'm going to make it there. I already canceled on him yesterday (just because I didn't want to take a shower). Maybe he will just come help us move Meg and then come hang out here.

What is the deal with Mario Lopez? He's always on TV. No matter what channel I turn on there he is.
The dude was on Saved by the Bell, Slater...he was always the one that I had a crush on...so hot. Now he's doing things like America's Best Dance Crew and the Miss America Pageant. Whoa. Right now I can't think of anything else he's on...but he seriously is on everything. He must have one hell of an agent.
I'm just really tired of seeing him plastered on the TV.
I'm also really sick and tired of his dimples. I thought they were cute when I was like 13, but now, they just really bother me. I'm like quit fucking smiling. It's his signature. But to have his signature, he has to have some stupid smile plastered across his face all the damn time.

Sorry, I was watching America's Best Dance Crew and thought of that...random thought, I know.

<3,
Jill