Saturday, January 31, 2009

Snow Blows

My car has been stuck since Monday night. I parked it in the grass, not even thinking about it. When I woke up on Tuesday, the roads were icy and I needed to be taken to work in something with 4 wheel drive. The roads were even worse on Wednesday, so I didn't make it to work at all. Wednesday night I cleaned off my car (The snow and ice) so I would be ready to go bright and early for Thursday.

Thursday morning I got dressed and went out to my toasty car (I start it early every morning. I hate a cold car). I got in, put that bitch in drive and pushed the gas down. Nothing. Okay, there was something, I like to call it a slight roll forward. I hit a big mound of snow and rolled back. I tried again. Then I got my not so happy ass out of the car and tried to dig out with my ice scraper. I dug and dug and dug. I got back in the car and tried to go and obviously went no where.

I went in the house and my Dad said "I was wondering how long you would try before giving up!" So my sweet as peaches little brother drove me to work.

Last night Sam told me he would help me get my car on the driveway so I could actually drive myself to work today. Sam acesses the situation while I try not to freeze. This is how it went down:

Sam: Rose, get in the car and don't do anything until I tell you too.
Rose: Uh, okay.
S: Roll down the window
R: *Opens door because window is frozen shut*
S: Now give it a little gas

Mud, water and snow go flying. Everywhere. Even on Sam (I got a good chuckle out of that one)

S: I said A LITTLE gas, not a lot. Stop.
R: Oops, sorry
S: Okay, I'm going to try to push you out now

I'm sitting in the car while Sam is pushing it and it's rocking. So I start to rock with the car hoping it will help. We finally get over the snow drift just to fall back down.

S: Rose, did you have your foot on the gas?
R: No...
S: I told you to give it a little gas!
R: You told me not to do anything until you told me to.
S: I told you to!
R: But then you told me to quit
S: Yeah, but then I explained a little not a lot. So I've been pushing your car for the last 15 minutes for nothing!
R: Well, I suggest you go get T (my little brother) to help

T comes out, T & Sam push and I go fishtailing, then slam on the breaks and come to a jerking stop... but the car was out!

Now, when people say I don't listen, I don't believe it. Sometimes I listen a little too well.

Friday, January 30, 2009

25 Things About Jill

I have also been tagged in this stupid Facebook crap and well, because I'm an open book my friends know way too much about me...and I only add people I know on Facebook. So obviously they don't need to know anything more about me.
You all get to be the lucky people to read 25 random facts about me.

1. I am constantly changing my hair. One day it will be brown, six weeks later...blonde, a little while after that black. Currently I have a cute little bob hair cut with bright red peek-a-boo highlights on each side. I kind of look a bit "punk-rock" right now.

2. I never match. Though for some reason people always say that I dress well. I don't get it.

3. I love Philosophy and Smashbox cosmetics.

4. I am 6 credit hours away from a Bachelors Degree in Art. I want to go back to complete it, but let's face it...I don't have the time or money. So, I'll settle with my History and Political Science Degree.

5. I slipped and fell on my ass this morning. I walked up the steps to the parking lot, then wiped out. However, I slid to my car. I look at it as a positive. I didn't have to walk to my car, I slid!

6. I am OCD about little things. Like how cigarettes/ashes are in an ashtray...I must have all of that on one side so that when I go to put my cigarette out I have a place and don't have to shove other cigarettes to the side (if you smoke you'll understand).

7. I have one kidney. It's a horseshoe kidney.

8. I am completely obsessed with yoga. I love it. I love absolutely everything about it. Enough said.

9. My dream is to eventually have a career in historical renovation. This most likely will never happen.

10. I used to think that I wanted to go sky diving and bungee jumping...but now I just think I must have had a death wish.

11. I really hope that I get Phish Tickets for June 10th in Knoxville. It's my birthday and there is not a better way to celebrate the big 2-4 than a Phish show!

12. My blood type A+. It's the only thing I've ever had an A+ in...

13. I don't like being told what to do. I dislike being told that I can't do something even more.

14. I rarely ever drink anymore. If you had known me in college, you would not believe this. I was the girl who would bring a handle of vodka to a study, the only handle I'd see if I did that would be the toilet handle. I'm a cheap drunk now.

15. I love hot tubs in winter.

16. I just ordered chinese food.

17. I want to go to Leitchfield, England before I die.

18. Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea are two of my favorite movies.

19. Gone with the Wind is my favorite movie.

20. I have been to Fern Gully. It's the rainforest with the most varieties of fernage (I think I just made that word up...they have a lot of ferns). It's located in Jamaica.

21. I've been writing this while has taken me 2 hours so far. I took a lunch break in the middle of writing.

22. I want to be the mayor of a small town one day. I want to make this town into something like Midget-town (somewhere in Ohio) or Who-ville...make it something fun.

23. Gay men flock to me. It seems as if every gay man loves me. Seriously, I have even been deemed the "fag-hag" my several of them. I hate the term, but they love it. Good god. I love gay men. They make me smile...and apparently I do the same for them.

24. I still HATE everything about Beyonce.

25. I'm a music fiend. I love everything about music. It can make you completely forget everything going on around you, it can make you cry, make you happy. It can set you free. If music weren't around I would go crazy. And to each is own...what doesn't make you happy will make someone else incredibly happy. Be happy. Just sit and listen to Shostakovitch's 5th Symphony, the way it can make you feel is crazy. It's a mixture between love, anger, sadness, and happiness. It is fantastic. Turn around and listen to any piece of music, submerge yourself. Loves it.

Now you know about me...I'm done. Whew!

25 things

I've been tagged in the 25 things about you note on facebook approximately 1 billion times. I've decided that most of my facebook friends already know plenty about me, so I figured I'd give our readers a little insight to me :) Sorry it's so wordy!

1. I think I could make a profession out of naming things. I name everything from electronics to animals. As a matter of fact, I can't remember the last time someone I know ended up with an animal and didn't use one of my name suggestions. I even named Jill's cat from just seeing pictures alone!

2. I live with my parents. Yes, I know. Don't judge me. We live in a 200 year old house that has always been in the family, which is why I think I love it so much. I have my own staircase and my own wing of the house and I don't see my parents unless I want too. It's a pretty sweet set up, just ask Jill, she lived with me one summer! However, one of my goals is to move out in 2009!

3. I also live on a 300+ acre farm. I'll own part of the land later in life but not the house (my little brother gets that) but I do plan on building my home on the land. I've moved away for college, but always come back. I can't imagine not living on my farm.

4. Speaking of farms, I had a pet cow. His mom didn't want him so I raised him on a bottle. He lived in a dog kennel when he was a baby so I could find him easily. Then we moved him with the herd. No matter where he was, when I yelled his name he would come running. I was his Mommy. We sold him in December because he was a steer and couldn't produce. We were low on hay for the winter and couldn't feed him while there were Momma and baby cows that needed the food. I like to think that he is on a warm and friendly farm now eating all he wants. It still chokes me up.

5. My eyes are blue on the outside of the iris, green in the middle and yellow around the pupil

6. I stopped drinking soft drinks in 2006. Now when I drink one it hurts my chest.

7. I lost my virginity to Sam when I was 21. I was a late bloomer but wanted to wait until I truly loved the person. I waited approximately a week and a half. HAHA

8. Sam and I were close friends in grades 9 and 12. After high school we didn't talk until I saw him in a chance meeting summer of 2007. I got drunk and kissed him (honestly thinking it would be a one night thing). Then he called me the next morning and asked me out on a date. I had to ask Jill if I should do it and she was all "Why the hell not?" I'm glad she made me go out with him!

9. I am obsessed with MAC cosmetics and probably have at least $3,000 worth total. (I've been buying it since 2003 so it's been spread out over time!)

10. I break phones like it is my job

11. Kudzu, that ivy that takes over everything makes me sick to my stomach and hyperventilate. I just can't look at it. It skeeves me out.

12. I am a total bookworm. I have tons and tons of books and stash them everywhere. English was my college minor because I knew it wouldn't come in handy as a major

13. This is sad but true: I just realized what it means when people say "Your cervix is dilating" approximately a month ago while watching Knocked Up. I thought it was the outside that went to 10. When I told Sam what I finally figured out he looked at me like I was an idiot and said he's known since 7th grade. My mom just shook her head and said "Obviously your Mom did a horrible job at teaching sex ed to her daughter."

14. I speak my mind and rarely censor what I say. This gets me into a lot of trouble. I call it "Verbal Vomit"

15. I don't have a whisper.

16. I have Otosclerosis which means the bones in my ear are fused together. I often hear what sounds like the snow on TV (You know, when you're not on an actual channel). I have a hard time hearing because of it which is why I think I don't have a whisper and am very loud. I can't hear when people do whisper, so I've learned to read lips.

17. I could sit outside and look for constellations all night.

18. When I get overly tired or stressed my throat starts to hurt. It normally ends in strep. I got so sick my senior year of college that I ended up with pneumonia

19. I'm obsessed with cameos and all things vintage

20. I knew how to read by the time I was 2. I taught myself and my mom is still not sure how it happened. She came in the kitchen one morning and I was reading the newspaper with my dad and started reading the stocks to her. She thought my Dad may have read them out loud to me, but he said he didn't

21. When I was in first grade, I was so far above their reading level (I was on an either a 9th or 11th grade reading level already) that they would send me up to read with the fifth graders

22. Due to scheduling errors, in 11th grade 5 of us were put in the slow English class. I couldn't change my schedule to get out of the class so I just did my own thing. When it was time to read To Kill a Mockingbird, the class listened to it on tape. I was finished with the whole book by the time the tape finished the second chapter. I read quick and paragraphs at a time. Needless to say, everything I learned in that English class, I learned on my own.

23. I'm allergic to yeast. I was on a special diet my junior year of college and I dropped about 30 pounds in a month. Ironically, bread is my favorite food.

24. I've never met an alcoholic drink that I don't like. There are things I don't like now due to horrible experiences with it (Whiskey & tequila are great examples of this)

25. I love my Marlboro menthol lights. Again, don't judge

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I need to get out of the apartment!

One roommate, 2 cats, 1 dog and 3 horrible days of snow later...I feel like I've been run over by a train. Every muscle in my body hurts.
Sunday Meg moved in. It's pretty nice. I love having her here. Her stuff plus mine and Rach's stuff just makes for a homey little apartment. As a friend of mine said "She came with baggage." Not like bad baggage though. She has 2 cats and a dog. It has been great entertainment trying to get the animals to like one another. They will be fine for a few hours, then all of a sudden it sounds like a cartoon. You hear a loud scream, a bang and then scurrying a cat then goes flying across the room with either another cat or a dog following it. Quite entertaining. Trust me.
Monday I went to work. It was just like every other day. I spoke to a few of my claimant's on the phone and worked on a few cases. Fun times. Again, you will never know what I do for a living. Just remember the consequences.
Tuesday I wake up, look outside and see that we have a ice and snow sandwich. When I went to bed it was raining. All the rain froze. So there was an inch of ice, followed by at least 2 inches of snow with a final layer, an inch thick sheet of ice. I didn't go to work.
Wednesday was much the same ordeal. It was so horrible outside. Pretty but horrible. Trees had broken and no one was able to get out again. I decided that since all the precipitation had stopped that it was a good idea to go clean my car off. 1.5 hours later I returned to my warm abode. It took me that long to clean my car off.
So, this morning I wake up thinking, "Hey, my car is cleaned off, just go out and start it. Let it warm up." Before I went outside I had the genius idea to call work. See how the weather is 45 minutes from my apartment. No one answered. I figured that because my supervisor and my supervisor's supervisor wasn't there, it was not necessary for me to trot my happy ass into work. I went back to bed.
Here are some pictures of what it looks like here...

Today I have cleaned and smoked a bunch. I need to quit smoking. I love it so much though. It makes me happy. It makes me not kill people. Smoking calms me down. For real.
Speaking of which a cigarette would be nice right now. Cigarettes and coffee. Or Cigarettes and chocolate milk. Just call me Rufus Wainwright.
Hope you all are having better weather than here in Kentucky.
Maybe I'll actually get to venture into the outside world today.
Wish me luck.


Monday, January 26, 2009

so I guess this is growing up....

I think the Ataris said it best... "Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives."

I'll be the first to admit that I had a hard time growing up. By growing up, I mean not being in college and having a 9-5(or in my case 8:30-5:30). I didn't want to graduate college. I broke down and cried about it. I tried to postpone it. I knew the end was coming and I wasn't at all prepared.

"You'll love being a grown up. Won't you be excited to have money after you graduate? You can buy the nice things you've always wanted" Every adult in my life said. "I'm so envious, you're going to be at the peak of your life!" said others. Then there were the "I wish I could be in your shoes and do it all again!" idiots.

I've technically been a "grown up" since May 2007. However, I didn't get my first "real job" (I don't consider working at a bar my first adult job) until October that year. So in my opinion, I've only been an adult 14 months.

I feel like all of the adults before me pulled the wool over my eyes. They flat out lied to my face. So I've decided to compile a list of reasons why being an adult blows:

1. The money everyone talks about? Still waiting for it. I knew that some money would be taken away for taxes, but I didn't expect it to be THAT much. Had I known I would be taxed so high I would have asked for more money.

2. Those nice things? They're few and far between. See 1 for further clarification.

3. The problems are so much bigger. It's no longer "Oh shit, I don't have an outfit to wear out tonight" it's more "Oh shit, I don't have enough money to eat!"

4. Working every day sucks. I want a snow day. One I don't have to make up. And one that I get paid for.

5. It's flat out depressing when I think that I'll be working 5 days a week (at least) for approximately the next 40 years. Unless I get lucky and win the lottery. Again, see number 1 because I can't even afford the effing ticket.

6. I have to dress up. By dressing up every day, it sucked the fun right out of it. I used to love it. Now I have no desire to ever see a skirt or dress pants again. And screw heels.

7. I have to go to bed early unless I want to drag at work and be a total bitch. I miss staying up until 4am. If I do this now then my schedule is off for at least a week.

8. I'm still waiting on that amazing apartment and loving my job part.

The only things I do have: A great relationship, satisfying sex and wonderful friends. So I guess although I don't have everything, I do have the things that matter.

Did people do this to you too?


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Another completely random post brought to you by: Jill

I've decided to give Mr. Wonderful a chance.
The girl who sits next to me at work read my tarot cards Friday, it was scarily in tune with my current situation. So, anyway...because of the tarot, I'm giving him a chance. It might not work, but I can't say that I didn't try.

My friend Meg is moving in with me and Rach today. I'm supposed to be over at Mr. Wonderful's apartment at 3 to watch a movie and hang out...but I don't know how I'm going to make it there. I already canceled on him yesterday (just because I didn't want to take a shower). Maybe he will just come help us move Meg and then come hang out here.

What is the deal with Mario Lopez? He's always on TV. No matter what channel I turn on there he is.
The dude was on Saved by the Bell, Slater...he was always the one that I had a crush hot. Now he's doing things like America's Best Dance Crew and the Miss America Pageant. Whoa. Right now I can't think of anything else he's on...but he seriously is on everything. He must have one hell of an agent.
I'm just really tired of seeing him plastered on the TV.
I'm also really sick and tired of his dimples. I thought they were cute when I was like 13, but now, they just really bother me. I'm like quit fucking smiling. It's his signature. But to have his signature, he has to have some stupid smile plastered across his face all the damn time.

Sorry, I was watching America's Best Dance Crew and thought of that...random thought, I know.


Friday, January 23, 2009

Russian Roulette

good vs. bad news. Which do you want first? I choose bad:

Bad news:
--Apparently I've been playing a little game called Russian Roulette. Instead of bullets, I've been playing with eggs. Eggs that could become fertile and result in a baby. That's right, my doctor informed me yesterday she's pretty sure that I've been ovulating on the birth control I'm on. Yowzers. I was on it for 14 months.. I'm so glad that she caught it and even more glad I didn't get knocked up like the rest of the world around me is. Needless to say, I changed birth controls

--The doc suspects endometriosis, but can't tell unless she goes in surgically. I'm trying a new birth control for 2 months (and of course insurance doesn't cover it!) and if that doesn't work I have to take a hormone that puts your body into a non permanent menopause. I'm not at all interested in menopause at 23.

Good news:
-- I got a raise. Thank God. Plus, my boss encouraged overtime so I can make even more (Hello, time and a half!!). It's only 50 cents on the hour, but after seeing a lot of my company is getting laid off because of underperformace and budget, I'm happy. I didn't think I'd get anything.

-- I'm applying for my dream job. It's within my company, so if I don't get it, I still have this job to fall back on! Plus, my boss is really pulling for me to get it. I lack the experience needed, but he said if I don't get it this time that he'll start giving me things that deal with that aspect of the company to gain the experience I need. Plus, he said I would be compensated for any extra work I would be doing for experience. If it means working more and longer (and occasional Saturdays), I wouldn't mind; I know I would be happier with my life. This has been the job of my dreams for as long as I can remember.

Wish me luck, send me good vibes, pray for me, whatever. Just send some good thoughts my way for this job. I'll really need it since I lack the experience. I'll let you know how it goes during the interview. I assume it will be next week, but who knows.

IDK, My BFF Rose??

All I wanted to do was get FUF'ed!

After Rose and I graduated from college I pretty much lived at her parents' house. I was there everyday, and spent the night most nights...I even had a blow up mattress on Rose's floor. Anyway, one night after a long day of doing something we decided it would be a genius idea to drink heavily. A trip to the local liquor store was in order.

For some reason whenever I enter that particular liquor store, my beverage of choice usually ends up being whiskey. I walked out of the liquor store with my fifth of whiskey, Rose had enough beer for 6 people.

To get the party started Jay (Rose's brother-in-law) decided that we should play a game of Kings. I hadn't played that drinking game in a while, so I agreed...soon everyone was in. Three games later and all of us were schnockered.

Sam was so drunk he was smoking cigarettes (which he only does if he is obliterated). B (Rose's sister, Jay's wife) became the funniest person ever and the rest of the crew were just trying to figure out all the damn rules for Kings.

We took a short break for shots of whiskey...Or I took a short break for shots of whiskey. And of course being the kind person I am, I wanted other people to take some shots with me. So, Sam and T (Rose's younger brother) come over. They each had two shots, but it may as well had been 10 because they hated the taste so much!

We resumed our game and were having a great time. During the game, B said something which made Sam bust out into laughter, he spit beer everywhere. Then he ran out the door. We (being trashed) thought maybe he was just pissed that he spit beer everywhere and that alcohol had been wasted. Though, when Rose went to check on him...she quickly found out that he had puked all over the place! He came back in blaming me, saying that it was the whiskey that made him puke. Whatever...

T walked into the main house, stood there for a minute then looked at Rose and said "Open the door." She just kind of looked at him with a blank stare. Next thing we knew he was flying out the door trying to project his vomit over the railing. Yuck.

This is where things begin to get really interesting. The drinking part of the night was over...on to more important sex.

Being the perennially single girl, my friends are always trying to hook me up with someone. Rose had Sam, and B had Jay... All I wanted was some lovin'.

Rose and Sam decide that it is a good idea that me and T (Rose's younger brother who had just turned 18...I was 22 at the time) needed to do the hibbity dibbity. I think this was just so they could have some "alone time"...if you know what I mean. Sam plants the idea into T's head. He goes for it!

I must digress for a minute...Rose if you are reading this I apologize in advance...ROSE'S BROTHER IS F'N HOTT!! Like there has never been a girl that I know of who has thought anything different.

So T comes into the room I was sleeping, he lays on the floor for a bit...then talks me into coming to his room. Anyway, the activities begin...soon we hear a voice downstairs. "T, what the fuck are you doing walking around at this time of night? You're shaking the whole damn house!" You see, his bed creaked too much so we moved to the floor (he had rug-burn for weeks). This turned out to be a horrible idea because Rose's parents room was below T's room. We had woken up the parents!!

That's where things get fuzzy. I remember scrambling to find my clothes, sneaking back into Rose's room, then somehow I ended up in another bed with T again!

I'll spare you of the graphic details, but let's just say we finished the deed...and it was good, or at least I enjoyed it.

And that is the story of how I ended up sleeping with Rose's younger brother, who was barely legal and rather attractive.



Thursday, January 22, 2009

Damn, I work tooooo hard...

I am a blog slacker. However, I'm sure no one missed my ramblings that much...
On that note I have to say, I am extremely hyper. I apparently missed my dose of Adderall this morning.

Here is a list of things I have done today at work:
1. Taken WAY too many Facebook quizzes. I apparently have an IQ of over 140. I am a genius when it comes to grammar. I am classier than 97% of people on Facebook. My name is classified as "sexy". But yet I can't seem to pass a high school knowledge test. Damn.
2. Danced around in the parking lot doing the "Daisy Duck Dance" as Rose fondly calls it. Might I add, she does it much better than me.
3. Demonstrated ski jumping, slalom skiing, hula-hooping and running on the Wii...mind you, we don't have a Wii at work...I was outside smoking.
4. Sang the Time-warp song from "Rocky Horror Picture Show" at the top of my lungs while going outside to smoke (people at work love me).
5. Eaten like 1500 Hershey's kisses.
6. Smoked 6 cigarettes.
7. Contemplated the question, "What Would Kenny G. Do?" for about an hour.
8. Immitated the way a Geisha walks when someone's phone started ringing.
9. Freaked some woman out with a baby doll that I found in a co-workers car, while sitting in the drive thru window at McDonalds. I made the baby doll do a shimmy and then it waved to the woman and the man following her.
10. Talked about the "poop song" to my boss. It's some kids song that teaches kids how to use the toilet...stupid. But it is done by the Barenaked Ladies...much better than any Wiggles song or other shit that parents make kids listen to.

Well, this just makes me seem like I have done nothing today. I have actually been productive! I closed like 3 cases and finished all my follow-ups. I would tell you about what I do for a living, but know the consequences. They aren't good. Let's just say that I have some really "important" job and that I make massive amounts of money *cough*.

Oh and be ready for tomorrow morning's post. I wrote it yesterday. It's a Fucked Up Friday post for the books!!!


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Story of the .

I'm going to the doctor on Thursday for a much needed check up. My doctor suspected back in October that she thinks I have endometriosis. The birth control that I am on normally helps with the issues of endometriosis; it's not helping with me.

Well, today I was doing some research on it and found out that people who start their period before age 12 have a higher risk. Then I started thinking about the hellacious day of my life back in the 6th grade when i was 11 years old (I was young for my grade) and started my period.

The morning started out like every other morning of 6th grade. I got up for school and went to the bathroom. I looked in my panties and low & behold, I had started my period. I didn't know what to do.

My immediate thought... "If Mom asks about it when she washes my clothes I'll just tell her I accidentally wore my panties backwords & pooped my pants." I'm. Not. Kidding. I'm not sure why I freaked and decided to tell her I shit my pants instead of telling her that I started... I guess I thought that the little bit in my panties was it..

My Mom took me to school. I just went on like normal, except I had toilet paper crammed down my pants. Finally in 4th hour (!) I leaned over to my best friend and said "N, I think I started my period." She was a late bloomer and was all "What? Are you sure? How do you know???" I explained the blood business and she said "Dude, you have to call your Mom."

I got my hallpass from my teacher and went to the front office (this was before the days of cell phones) and asked to use the phone. This is the conversation I had with my Mom:

Rose: Mom, I need you to come pick me up, I'm sick
Mom: What's wrong?
R: I'm sick
M: I'm in a meeting. Tell me whats going on.
R: I said I'm sick
M: If you don't tell me now, I'm hanging up. I said I was in a meeting.

Shit. I'm going to have to say the words. I turned my back to the ladies in the front office and cupped my hand around the phone and my mouth and whispered "I started my Period"

M: What?
R (still whispering): I started my period
M: Rose, I can't hear you. If you don't tell me what is going on then I'm hanging up

Fuck, I had no choice. I had to say it out loud. Where everybody in the front office could hear.

R: I said I. Started. My. Period. Come pick me up NOW!!
M: Well, why didn't you just say so? I'm on my way.

Mom picks me up from school. Her first question "Did you bleed through your pants?" I'm not kidding, I squatted down and looked at my crotch "Nope."

Then she took me to K-Mart to get some fresh panties & all the fun girly goods.

The worst part of the day? When my Dad saw me and said "I heard my little girl is a woman now."

Dear God, Why Me??
<3, Rose

Monday, January 19, 2009


Or at least that's what I feel like yelling.

I have it out for myself.
Today is supposed to be a day off...gotta love working somewhere where you get Martin Luther King Jr. Day off. Too bad I'm sitting here at work. It's a long story, but basically I am making up time.
I also apparently don't like nice guys. I kept wondering to myself why it was so easy for me to say goodnight to Mr. Wonderful at the end of each of our dates. It's because I'm not f'n attracted to him. Yes, he is attractive and yes, he does have a good job. He's just not interesting enough. I tried REALLY hard to like him. I tried to tell myself that I'm not used to being treated like a queen and that's why I was having issues. But no, my only issue is that he just isn't for me. Well, that'll be a fun one to explain to him.
I dig myself deep into holes, then I don't realize I'm in a hole until it's too deep to climb out. Currently I'm in about 15 holes and well, I can't get out of any of them.

On a better note, I am getting a third roommate. I'm pretty stoked about this. She has the most amazing dog and cats...I am just afraid as to how my kitten is going to react to all of this change. Eh, my rent will be going down. Little Gus (the cat) is just going to have to get over it.

Sorry for all the ranting and incoherence. I'm not in a great mood. It's a Monday, you must excuse me.


Sunday, January 18, 2009


Thank you to Gina for the award, you are too kind! We just love your blog; it makes us laugh!

The award states, "This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."


I'm Back!

I'm back from Gatlinburg & totally exhausted.

1. When you're in a hot tub outside & it's less than 32 degrees outside your hair will freeze.

2. Greatest conversation ever with my dad and brothers one night:
Big Brother: When I was in the military and would get off the boat in whatever country, prostitutes would throw themselves on us...
Me: Did you ever fuck a prostitute?
BB: No, some of them didn't have eyes
Little Brother: No eyes?
Dad: It's called skull-fucking

3. I learned to play Texas Hold 'Em. I kicked ass and took names. I outplayed all the females and probably would have outplayed the males had I tried. I got bored of playing after 3 hours, went all in on a hand I knew I had no chance on, and went out.

4. We went to the aquarium yesterday. Towards the end, we all had Dippin' Dots. While walking around Gatlinburg, Sam started feeling sick and threw up. We thought it was the ice cream. Turns out, it was virus. My sister in law, niece, LB's girlfriend & Sam spent all last night taking turns in the bathroom. I put hand sanitizer everywhere and put my shirt over my face to breathe.

5. On the way home today some assholes decided it would be a good idea to string powerlines so we sat on the interstate for over an hour.

6. My favorite part of the trip: I went into the coach outlet (not planning on buying anything) and found this:

The purse I've been having wet dreams about for months. Except they had it in plum. The exact color in my dreams. Originally $498 (why don't they just make it an even 500? It's not like people say, "Oh! It's 2 bucks less than 500, I have to get it!"). I grabbed this little baby on the 50% off rack and used a 10% coupon handed to me at the door. All mine for $216.

So yeah, it wasn't that exciting, but I had a blast spending time with my family and doing virtually nothing for four days!


Thursday, January 15, 2009

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I know all of you are dying to know what has happened after I went out on my date.

He has definite potential. Tuesday night we went to go see the movie "Milk." First of all any guy who is completely fine watching a movie about a gay politician is cool in my book. We had a good time. He was so sweet, opening up the car door for me, opening all doors for me and then asking if he could put his arm around me. What a gentleman.

We are going out again tomorrow night. This time we are doing dinner then bowling. Fun!

I'm just afraid that I'm going to end up doing the same old shit that I always do... I get tired of people really quickly. I don't want that to happen this time. So, I am purposefully not seeing him more than 3 times a week right now.

On another note, today I walked into work and sitting on my desk was a new necklace thingy for my badge at work. It is absolutely gorgeous! It's made out of clear Swarovski crystals!!!!!!! My friend Jenna here at work made it for me. She's known me my entire life, so she's like family. I had mentioned to her yesterday that I needed a new thing for my badge because mine broke. So she made me this one! I'll have to take pictures to show you all, but I'm sure it's true beauty can only be seen in person!

Even though the windchill outside is like 30 below zero (might be an exaggeration) it has been a beautiful day. I have fucking Swarovski crystals around my neck, I have another date and it's PAYDAY!!!

Hope you have a good day as well! It's almost the weekend!!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

See Ya Soon!

I'm going to Gatlinburg for a weekend mini-vacation with my family tomorrow. I can't wait! This is the first family vacation where every member of my immediate family will be present in 13 years. We have big plans of being lazy, doing major shopping & going to the aquarium. I hope everyone has a great week & weekend and I'll come back with great stories, I'm sure!
Love, Rose

Pretty Butterfly Award

We are raking in the awards! Thank you soooooo much Adlibby for this award. You are right it is really pretty!

Though it might be really pretty, there's one problem..."For the coolest blog I ever know." I'm pretty sure the English teacher for whoever made this award would be ashamed. None-the-less, we don't always use correct grammar -AND- we are very excited about getting this award!

And the nominees are:

Sex & The Traveling Satchel
The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know
A love Like Johnny & June
Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old

NaMaste by Day

What the hell is a "Sea Kitten"??

On my way to work this morning I was listening to my favorite radio station when I heard something about "Sea Kittens." I was like, whoa...I've heard of sea lions and seahorses but never once have I heard about "sea kittens." I decided that instead of working this morning, I would research this because I didn't get the entire story before I got to work.

If you haven't heard PETA is trying to change the name of fish to sea kittens. So instead of calling a flounder a fish, a flounder would be a sea kitten. Woof.

"Sea kittens are just as intelligent (not to mention adorable) as dogs and cats, and they feel pain just as all animals do." So, that's what PETA has to say about fish. I'm sorry but a slimy, scaly, bug eyed animal that lives in it's own filth is not adorable. I see nothing about them that is cute and fluffy like a kitten. Now, don't get me wrong. I love animals. I support some aspects of PETA. I am all for ethical treatment of animals, but let's be are the most plentiful source of protein that we as the human race have.

Apparently "fishing hurts" shit Sherlock. I would most definitely not want to have a hook shoved through my lip, unless it was a piercing (which personally I would look dumb with a lip ring). Here's my question. If "sea kittens" are so smart, why the fuck are the still falling for the old bait and hook scheme?
PETA, you have frustrated me and let me down. I thought that you all put your effort into worthwhile causes. I guess I was wrong.

If you want to look into this for yourself just go to
The very confused and disappointed, Jill

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

13 Days Late

While eating my dinner of pistachios and chips & salsa I realized something. I can't cook. If it comes pre-assembled or pre-packaged, I'm all over it. If I have to come up with something on my own, I'm TERRIBLE. There are a couple things I know how to make (Italian chicken and homemade mac & cheese) that actually turn out edible.

Can I interest you in a burger, extra well done on the outside & practically raw on the inside? No? How about loaded mashed potatoes that are so thick you might as well eat paste? Runny pancakes? Chicken with too much seasoning???

Don't get me wrong, I've tried. I would LOVE to cook and cook well. I just don't see it in my future. I love the thought of cooking. I actually like to cook. It just so happens that 95% of my food the dog won't eat.

One of the first things I "learned to cook" was grilled cheese. Everyday in middle school I would cook a grilled cheese sandwich, make tomato soup & watch Fresh Prince. One day, I was heating up the pan and getting out my ingredients (and by ingredients I mean bread, butter & american cheese). With my back turned I caught a whiff of something and turned around. The stove was on fire. I turned on the wrong burner and a tupperware bowl had caught on fire (who knew this was even possible?) I tried to smother the fire with a towel, which caught on fire. All I could think was "Stop. Drop. Roll." I knew that stopping, dropping & rolling wouldn't do shit for the towel & bowl on fire so I grabbed a cup and drenched it. Then I started flipping out because I knew I was going to get a "safety in the kitchen" talk from my mom as soon as she walked in the door & smelled the kitchen.

So aside from the mac & cheese and chicken, the only thing I've successfully made in the kitchen was a small fire and food my dog won't eat.

Sam teases me all the time about it because I'd be fine eating cereal for dinner. He doesn't consider it a meal unless there is meat (which is another thing, I was a vegetarian for a long time and although I eat meat now, I can still go without it). It's a good thing that not only does he love to cook, but he's really good at it. He comes up with these great ideas that actually turn out.

While writing this post, I just decided that my New Year's Resolution is to learn how to cook edible food (okay, maybe not my New Year's because I should have done it 13 days ago.) I want to learn to cook from recipes that don't come on the back of a box, but actually from a book.

Wish me luck. I better find a fire extinguisher.


Monday, January 12, 2009

Third time is a charm...

Thank you Bee and E at Sex and Two Single Girls for our third award! We especially like this one because it doesn't ask you to answer any questions or tag people (and it considers us beautiful)...However, We're willing to do pretty much anything for an award!

Thanks again!

We would have given this award to some other Beautiful Bloggers...but both of our computers are pieces of shit and won't let us do anymore hyperlinks right now... Oh well. If you are reading this consider the award yours. Congrats!!

Who Stole the Candy (From the Candy Jar)?

On my bookshelf at work I have a candy jar. I don't mind if people take a piece or two occasionally. However, I do mind when someone takes 2/3 of it in one day. Especially if I'm not at my desk.

I left about half an hour early on Friday and when i came back in this morning my entire candy jar had been depleted. There were no more pieces of Laffy Taffy. There are only about 10 boxes of Nerds left. Did I really spend 6 bucks on a bag of candy just to have it all eaten while I'm away? This is one of those things that makes me livid that shouldn't...

I believe this pisses me off so much because this isn't the first time this has happened. I know who did it because it was the same person who did it last time; we'll call him Candy Thief (or CT for short). Last time I bought a bag of candy was around Halloween. I thought it would be nice to have it for anyone who would like a piece. Most people ask, but CT does not. He comes into my cube and takes it.

I filled my jar with about 8 bucks worth of KiddieMix. CT came over and asked for a piece. I said "Sure." Then I said something along the lines of "I spent 8 bucks for 10 jawbreakers!" Then I explained my love for Jawbreakers and my sadness over how you can't just buy the good ones by themselves, only in a mix.
Well, I got a virus and missed 3 work days. When I came back I was looking forward to a Jawbreaker. I looked in my jar and there were none to be found. No Dots. No Smarties. Nothing. Only those nasty hard candies & peppermints were left. I was all "WTF? Where did all the candy go?"

Then CT came over and said, "Can I have another piece of candy?" My reply, "Sure, have all you want… The only thing left is hard candy & peppermints and I don't like either." Which his response was this: "Yeah, I ate all the Jawbreakers."

So I asked him what happened to the rest "Yeah, I ate that too."Um, excuse me? Did I hear that right? First of all, did I not just explain to you last week that those were my favorite? That means don't eat them all. On top of that, if I wanted you to eat every single piece of candy in the fucking jar I would have put it on your fucking desk.

"You ate all my Jawbreakers, CT? Are you serious?!" He was. He ate every good piece of candy in the jar. I called him out on it and he didn't really have anything to say. I've hated him ever since and am still bitter about it. I was so pissed about it that I left the bad candy in there until last Thursday when I bought the new Valentines bag.

He was eyeing the candy jar when I re-filled it. He came up and asked for a piece "CT, you can't be serious? You ate everything out of it last time!" His response "Well, I brought in a bag of M&Ms for S." (He apparently emptied out her dispenser last week). My response, "Gee, thanks, CT. Glad you made the extra effort to fill S's depleted machine and decided not to bring anything to fill mine up when you at all mine almost 2 months ago." Then I gave him the glare that said "Fuck off. You aren’t getting my candy, you ass monkey." Needless to say, he walked away empty handed.

Apparently, CT waited until I was gone to ravage my candy jar. Now, S has a full M&M dispenser and I have maybe 10 packs of Nerds.

I conclude: This is War, CT. Next time you stick your grubby little fingers in my candy jar I will crunch each & every one of them with my stiletto heel. And I'm not even fucking kidding.
Your BFF Rose?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Jill has a crush...

Last night was the big date. We met for coffee at a local coffee shop at 7pm, he was a few minutes late as he got caught in traffic. I filled up my time before he got there by talking to several of my friends on the phone. He called me to let me know he was there. Let the games begin.

He opened the door for me (something in which hasn't been done for me in a long time), I considered this to be a great start. We walked into the coffee shop I got a French Kiss and he got a regular coffee. He paid! We sat down and immediately started talking and laughing. No, we didn't discuss anything serious...who wants serious on a first date anyway? We just chatted about our likes and dislikes and our love for Guitar Hero and how we have both tried to stop smoking too many times. Soon, we realized that we have a ton in common. He was a perfect gentleman.

We ended up spending two hours there! It only felt like I was there with him for 20 minutes. There were no awkward silences or wierd moments. It was just really nice.

We both have a fondness for Guitar Hero...I know I'm a dork. Anyway, somehow in conversation it came up that I was actually pretty good at it. He told me that he had just recently gotten the new Guitar Hero (the one with drums and singing, plus Guitar), and that I should come over to play it with him.

So, off we went to play Guitar Hero at his apartment.

We laughed and played Guitar Hero for 2 hours...again it only felt like 20 minutes. Eventually I told him that I was going to have to go home. I said that my roommate would be wondering where I was and that I needed to get a good nights rest.

He leaned over and kissed me. He didn't try to feel me up or try to un-do my pants. He just kissed me. I could tell he was nervous because his bottom lip was trembling. It was the cutest thing ever.

He walked me to my car, put his arm around me and kissed me again. He then said that he wanted to go out again with me. Of course I agreed.

There you go, that was my date...I didn't have sex with him. I was so proud of myself!!! I didn't even make a move. This is the first time in a while where I have felt like a guy might actually really like me, instead of just liking me naked.

Friday, January 9, 2009

We would like to thank...

*PinkNic* for giving us the Honest Scrap Award, our second award ever!!

So we are pretty excited about this award...Two awards in one week! Is that kind of like "Killing two birds with one stone"?

Because we received this award we now get the privilege of sharing some stuff about ourselves -and- we get to give 7 people who we think deserve the award. Here goes nothing!

1. List 7 honest things about yourself.


1. I LOVE shoes and purses.

2. I want to play tambourine in a rock band.

3. My grandma was born and raised in Leitchfield, England.

4. I want to go back to Bonnaroo this year, I've been twice.

5. I once dyed my hair blonde. Bad idea.

6. Satin sheets give me the creeps.

7. When I decide to have kids, I want twins right off the I only have to go through pregnancy once. I'm selfish...I know.


1. I could drink non-fat vanilla chai lattes all day, every day.

2. I haven't drank soda (or pop, whatever you call it) in almost two years. It hurts my chest to drink it now.

3. I'm a bookworm. Ture story, I have two full bookshelves (8 shelves total)

4. Sam gave me a yorkie for my birthday last year. She had really bad separation anxiety and barked and cried 24/7. She now lives with Sam and his dog (she's a lot better now).

5. Sunflowers are my favorite, followed closely by daisies.

6. I still have my baby blanket. I took it to college with me and sleep with it every night (but I don't need it to sleep).

7. Jill and I worked in a coffee shop one year in college. We started smoking that year... We would literally sit outside on the patio and smoke the entire shift and only go inside when we saw a customer. It was hands down the best job I've ever had (or will have).

2. Pass it on to 7 people you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Dating without Pants
Ms. Pink Zebra
Miss JC
Confessions of a 20 Something Year Old

Remember that one time?? Oh, FUF.

This is a story that very few people know about. Mostly because it's embarrassing. I couldn't think of a good FUF topic and Jill reminded me of it.

When we were in college a group of us would go out. A lot. Our favorite night of the week was Thirsty Thursday at a bar in Big Town. 8 dollars for all you can drink, who can beat that right? We turned this into the "8 Dollar Challenge" which mostly meant "See how much you can drink before you puke." Most of the time we were good at holding down massive amounts of booze; other times not so much. This is one of those not so much stories.

We ALWAYS started off the night with beer pong. We were always among the first to arrive (we'd get there around nine. We took our 8 dollar challenge very seriously). Once we got in we would make a beeline to the bar to get our first drink of the night (mine was normally rum & diet) then ask for a pitcher of beer & cups for beer pong.

That's when I spotted him. Hello, there. I'm not really sure how (I was obviously intoxicated) but we started chatting and flirting. The end of the night came and my DD had arrived so I had to leave.

This flirting and chatting went on for several Thursday nights. Then one night he kissed me (or did I kiss him? Things are hazy). Well, things were getting hot so we went out to his car and started to hook up. As soon as his pants were coming down I puked. All over his pants (I think), all over his truck. It was classy, let me just tell you. I'll also tell you that I never talked to him again. I'd avoid him like the plague at the bar.

Somehow Jill knew to come rescue me (probably because she watched me stumble and sway out of the bar with him). She sat me down on the curb and we waited for our DD. She was laughing, I was crying out of utter humiliation. However, good things come with this story… Our good friend R stole a nice fleece jacket out of his car & Jill got to laugh (probably until she puked.)

Jill will bust out at random times, "Hey, Rose. Remember when you puked on that guy’s dick?" All I can do is laugh. Because, well, what else can I do about it?


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Roll Over Beethoven

Holy shit Batman. Hold the phone. Hell must have just frozen over. Pigs are flying and this girl has a date. So, obviously hell hasn't frozen over and pigs are not flying...but I do have a date.

I met this guy Saturday night. We have some mutual friends and ended up in the same place at the same time. Problem being, the two mutual friends we have in common I have slept with. So, I have a dilema...did they tell him that I'm easy or something and that's why he wants to take me out?

I added him on Facebook (evil, 666) for the hell of it. Soon after he accepted my friendship he wrote me a message. This is what it said:

Hi, Jill! You might remember me, we met not too long ago, at the Smith house. At that house you will always find me happy, hazy, and slightly subdued. Excuse me for jumping ship in exchange for Waffle House, but I was confused and hungry, so I hope you understand. I just read your profile, and I've gathered a few notes to exchange:

- I've tried quitting smoking many times as well, but it seems the only reward is being able to smoke again.
- Way to go with the bassoon! I reached my peak with a plastic recorder in sixth grade.- I used to be very comfortable with eye contact, but then thought differently about it one day. I have yet to recover from that thought process.
- So what do you think Washington's hair really looked like?
- You are the first girl I've encountered that wears a bra to sleep. Kudos, and I hope you don't get nylon rash, or whatever material bras are made of.
-Green is the best color, especially when it comes to shirts. You are correct.

I just lost my train of thought. Its more like a little trolley car anyway. Have a good day!

Needless to say I had to forward that message on to Rose. We laughed about it for quite a while. He has a good sense of humor, from what I remember he's attractive, he has a good job (applications engineer), doesn't live at his parents house (I don't think) and he has no crazy gambling addictions. Hmm...sounds too good to be true.

I am making a pledge to myself. I am NOT going to fuck on the first date, or second, or third. I am going to wait this one out, see what happens. This is a first for me. I don't ever wait it out...god damn, this is going to be hard.

Well, whatever. I'm going on a date. The first one I've been on in uhm 6 months. Damn.


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Don't pick your nose after cutting green chilis...

In a moment of supreme half-asleepness this morning, I covered my toothbrush in anti-bacterial handwash.

Just saying. You know. Don't do that. Just because it's anti-bacterial, doesn't mean it tastes nice.

Not that that was what I was thinking, I wasn't thinking anything. Apart from 'eeww' and sweary noises. And I wasn't intending to put it on there, and certainly not because I thought it was going to be nice.

It's not very nice.

Also don't pick your nose after cutting green chillis. Not that I have done that.

But don't do that. It isn't very nice either.

I hear.

Oh, actually, while I'm here: try not to get distracted while you're on a treadmill.

Just advice, you know?Juuuuust putting it out there, letting you know.

Just a public service.

Turns out every day of the week has hated me.

Yours truly (a still not so much awake),

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Moody Monday & Terrible Tuesday.

This has been on my mind since yesterday morning. I just read on yahoo news that stress and anxiety can cause nightmares. I had a horrible one last night, so I figure maybe blogging about what's bothering me will help will help.

A girl at work was fired (or layed off depending on who you speak to) yesterday. I realize these things happen, it always sucks and I feel terrible for her.

Here are the reasons this is bothering me so much:

1. The way it happened. The Big Boss Man (BBM) & HR Lady (HRL) waited. They waited until she came in Monday morning (I knew something was up when both BBM & HRL were in the office before 8:15). They acted all chirpy and said "Hey, C, can we see you in BBM's office?" She was all "Sure!" Then they dropped the bomb.

2. They escorted her out of the building. You don't get to leave with any type of composure. She was being escorted out by HRL while EVERYONE was coming into work. When you're no longer an employee of the company, you get walked to the front door and you turn your key over in front of anyone who is down there. Most people come in at 8:30 (which was when it occured), but don't leave at a specific time). Could they not have waited until the end of the day so the entire office didn't have to watch her turn over the key with tearful sobs and let the poor girl keep her dignity?

3. She wasn't given the option of cleaning out her desk. HRL goes and gets a box and packs up everything (we work in a cubes so it's on display for the whole world to see) and mails it to you. She was shit out of luck if there was anything you needed in there.

4. Work said they were going to give her 8 hours of paid time for coming in. "Gee, Company, you're so generous. Thanks for the 8 hours, still have no effing clue how i'll make rent this month ..."'

5. BBM & HRL won't say if it's a layoff or a fire. This is very important information. If it's a layoff there are sure to be more coming; if it's a fire then possibly not.

And the reason it pisses me off the most???

When the BBM's ass-kisser found out her response was "Yeah, I've known for a week." She's not a manager, she's not a supervisor, she's just a regular worker like the rest of us. She has no right to know.

One of my smoker friends H has a lot of insite for the Company. He's older and has worked here for several years and knows the ropes. A couple weeks ago he mentioned that he had a feeling it was coming and gave the inner smoker circle his idea of who the first 4 to go would be. He was correct with the first one. I just wonder if he'll be right with the other 3...

Yes, I realize this is somewhat of a pointless post/rant & if you finished reading it, thank you. I'm cranky from lack of sleep (thank you, nightmares!) and just frustrated with Company right now. I'll be back with something more delightfully inappropriate later.

Pissed off & Cranky,

Monday, January 5, 2009

plus size top, anorexic bottom

Saturday was pure hell.

But first, a little background on moi: I first noticed I had huge boobs in about the third grade. Actually, I was in denial, wearing tank tops & trying hard not to be noticed. However, my mom noticed and brought home what I would quickly start to loathe first bra.

Did I start out with some cutesy little number like this?

Hardly. My first bra was more like this:
Yes, my first bra was not a training bra. It was an adult bra. I skipped past the training phase and went right into the womens. Of course, sister never grew like I did and could probably still wear the training bra as could my mother. I'm still not sure why I'm the blessed (or cursed?) one..

On to the reason for this post. I'm going on a mini family vacation next week and I needed a bathing suit. I shelled out some major dough a couple years ago and bought the most amazing tankini ever. Then I lost the bottoms. I'm not kidding, this summer I would wear Sam's shorts when it was time to go to the pool. Or just wear black panties (hey, they kind of work). Yeah, I know, I'm classy.

So off sister and I go bathing suit shopping. I wasn't all about spending the big bucks this time so we went to Target. Cute clothes, cute suits. As soon as we walk in the store I see the bathing suit racks (Why the need for so many bathing suits January 3rd I'll never know. We assume it's for all those lucky bitches going on cruises).

My sister and I go our own ways. She grabs bathing suits, I grab bathing suits. She knows the rules XL for the ta-tas, medium for the booty. We meet up at the dressing room. This is how it's always been.

We first try to go into the handicap stall which we get a big VETO from clothes hanger up girl; "Um, ladies. Those are for handicapped people only." Okay, so off we go to the "second largest stall."

First top I try on was a big fat negative. My cup WAY floweth over. Next. Same thing. Every. Single. Suit. FECK.

Except this one:
My sister was all "Wow, this looks really good. It was kind of ugly but I grabbed it anyway." Gee thanks, sis!


Anyway, I knew what I had to do. I had to go to the plus size department. No big deal. Sometimes I get my bras at Lane Bryant. With years of big busted fun under my belt, I'm used to it.

We grabbed a couple tops in the smallest size they had (16). I tried on the first one. It had some shelf bra business in it and it cut my boobs in half. Sweet, four boobs. Every man's desire. Unfortunately not mine. Next was the 18, still too tight. If gave me the sweet look of the uni-boob (you know the look, when your boobs are all squished in a sports bra and it looks like you no longer have 2 but 1).

On what I swore would be my last trip out of the dressing room as well as to Target, I grabbed a 20. Success at last. Well kind of. Although the bathing suit fit in the boob area the rest was draping off me. I looked down and my bathing suit wasn't form fitting as it should, it looked like an empire waisted dress. Oh well. What can you do. I marched my not so happy ass to the cashier and bought it.

My empire waisted top and my medium juniors bottom are sure to make a splash for all to see. Unless I jump into the pool feet first and then it will be a flash for all to see.


IDK, my BFF Rose??

Our First Award!!!!!


Thank you, Courtney and Christina at Sex and the Traveling Satchel!!! We love you all!!


1. Thank the person who was so thoughful for giving you this award by linking their blog to this post.

2. Put the logo on your blog or post.

3. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude.

4. Link your nominee to your post.

5. Comment them to tell them about the award they've won.

And we nominate:
That damn expat
Throwing Frogs at the Wall
Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old
Namaste by Day
Where the Green Grass Grows...
KT's Journey
Jaded Jill Speaks
Playing in the Woods

I'm Just Late in the Game

For the past few weeks I haven't been sleeping...No more than 2 hours a night. In consistency with the past few weeks tonight is much the same. I can't sleep. So, I decided that I should smoke a cigarette, listen to The Allman Brothers and write a blog.

As a (perennially) single girl, I've often been asked; What's your type?

After all these years, I still haven't found the answer.

There are no commonalities between the boys/men I've thus far dated. Really. There isn't.

In no specific order there was the emotionally unavailable Poker Player, who smoked way too much pot. The way older guy who was too available. The too much guy who asked me to marry him the night I met him. The one who was too much my best friend (You know, the one). The one who was too far away. The player who was busy swearing he wanted a relationship but was still way too out there. And the one who was not too interested.

The only somewhat similar aspect between them is the "too". Too much, too little, too there, too gone.

One had brown hair, one was blondish, one was covered in tatoos. I mean, aesthetically there is no "type" to be found here. The poker player never wore a t-shirt not related to poker, tattoo boy was rather fond of wearing shorts (even in the winter).

So it's not about the packaging. They weren't all the same height. They didn't all smoke. They weren't all faithful. They all weren't even that smart. The only thing they actually have in common is,

At the beginning of every single relationship I went blind. Blind to the things I should have noticed. Things that other girls would notice and walk away from. I guess it's always taken me longer to catch on. It isn't stupidity. It's a mix of a crush and hysterical blindness. It's fucking obvious, screaming out shit that I am blind to.

He was obviously:
an addict, I'd have been happy if it had been mere pot (he was also addicted to gambling)
clingy and to the point where I would have eventually gone crazy
not ready
overly odd
never going to be truthful/faithful/trustworthy
not what I wanted
not what I needed
an asshole

I let it slide, every time. Eh, it's not like I've been tortured. In their own ways, all were fun. I've learned from each, I wouldn't take much of it back, even knowing now what I didn't then.

Hey, at least I'm learning. No matter how late in the game (so late). And that's got to count for something. Right?

I'm now going to smoke another cigarette, watch some more Rock of Love (the one where they are on the bus), and try to sleep again...wish me luck with the last one.

Goodnight, Sweet Dreams.
Your BFF Jill?

Friday, January 2, 2009

I Believe

I believe that "sleeping on it" is always a good idea. But only if you are in a comfy bed...if you were sleeping on a rock, I would then be against it.

I believe that if your $400 Dooney makes you feel like a million bucks, it's worth every penny spent.

I believe that everyone has a special someone out there. It might just take longer for some to find him or her. I'm still hoping I find mine.

I believe in forgiving people, for yourself...not for them.

I believe that drinking alone does not make you an alcoholic. It's the drinking that can do it...

I believe that a true, platonic friendship can rarely occur between a man and a woman. I usually end up fucking my guy friends anyway...

I believe that you can't help who you love. Trying to understand why you love who you do will eventually lead to costly therapy appointments.

I believe that money provides freedom, freedom provides happiness.

I believe that you can love someone more deeply and clearly than ever before, but that person may still be the wrong person for you. Knowing this does not always bring actually will usually bring anguish.

I believe that forgiving someone does not mean that you need/have to be friends with them.

I believe playing with your pet will actually make you happier and possibly relieve some stress.

I believe that a cleaning-spree is a good way to cleanse yourself mentally.

I believe that if you spend time to yourself, you will learn to listen to yourself more. You will eventually be able to take the advise you give to others and apply it to your life.

I believe being 'complicated' doesn't make you interesting.

I believe people need to let go.

I believe in taking long drives on roads you don't know.

IDK, Your BFF Jill?

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