Tuesday, June 23, 2009

1 girl + 1 cup = Sonic Drive In

No matter how outlandish what you're about to read may sound, it is true.

My sister came and met me for lunch today. After eating our yummy red curry we decided to hit up the Sonic Drive-In right next door for some beverages.

Now picture this:

After I ordered our drinks, I pulled my car up. We were the fourth car from the window. The driver of the car directly in front of mine (white, approximately 45-50 year old, female) opens her door and starts to get out. I'm positive she's about to blow chunks. Of course, we're staring hardcore to see if this woman pukes.

The car in front of her drives off so she pulls her car up. She starts to get out of her car again and actually makes it all the way out.

I swear on all things Holy this is true: She grabs a Styrofoam cup, puts it under her skirt and pees.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the woman not only peed in the line at the Sonic drive-thru, but she didn't even try to hide it.

She then got back into her car and pulled up to the window to get her food.

My sister and I just looked at each other and couldn't say anything. Both of us were totally speechless. I've never seen such a thing. EVER.

HERE IS THE KICKER (just when you thought this story couldn't get any better/worse):

She handed the cup to the passenger who poured it out the window.

We asked the guy working the window if he saw it and unfortunately he didn't. Needless to say, we called everyone we could think about to tell them all about it.

Still speechless,

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Last night was the Dave Matthews concert. Dave was sexy (oh, man was he sexy), the music was amazing, the dancing was good, Tim Reynolds playing was a nice little surprise, the all night torrential downpour added a little something wonderful to the show (is anything in life better than dancing and singing in the rain to DMB? Anyone??).

One of the best nights we've had in a long time.

First off, Rose jammed the fuck out to Grey Street. He even said "Colors bold and bright" just they way she likes it. Seriously, Dave may have given her an orgasm. It was perfection. It was an overall amazing show, one of the best DMB concerts we've seen thus far (This is Rose's 4th and Jill's 3rd). He even ended with Halloween (which if you're a huge Dave enthusiast you know is rare and major jamming with occur).

And just to make you all jealous, here is the set list:

Dave Matthews Band
Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH

Shake Me Like a Monkey
Funny The Way It Is
Stay Or Leave
Dive In
The Stone
Anyone Seen The Bridge
Too Much (tease)
Ants Marching
Lying In the Hands of God
Why I Am
Lie In Our Graves
So Damn Lucky
Jimi Thing
You and Me
Grey Street

Alligator Pie

Still Jammin'
Rose & Jill

Friday, June 12, 2009

keepin' it classy.

So on Wednesday, Jill & I took a country dip for her birthday and to celebrate FUF a bit early (that would be Fucked Up Friday for those who don't know).

*The following has been added in by Jill, with Rose's permission:
I went to Rose's house and picked her up, we started driving. Rose was telling me where to drive, because I had no clue where I was going. We drove around for a good hour, finally I looked at Rose and asked her where the hell we were at. Rose calmly rolled down her window and said "Uh, I'm not sure. I think we are going to go under the interstate then we will be at the road that will take us back home."
Turns out, we had driven to the next town over, 30 minutes away!*

As soon as I got home I took a bath because I didn't want to smell. I got all paranoid that my parents would know that I was home if I drained the bathtub. Nevermind they probably heard me fill it up. Oh, classy, I know.

I passed out at about 8:30 that night. Mostly because I was tired, partly because I was out of my mind and quite possibly because I ate a junior bacon cheeseburger, chicken sandwich, fries and a large dr. pepper from Wendy's. Whatever.

About 9:30 I heard this loud boom but continued to sleep. Dad came in the room to see if something happened (like I fell out of the bed, I guess. I'm known for that and talking incoherently while sleeping) and asked me what it was.

This was our conversation:

Dad: What was that?
Rose: It was the cannon
D: What cannon?
R: The cannon on the road.
D: Huh?
R: The cannon that Jill and I passed on the road on my way home. What the fuck are you talking about?
D: What the fuck are you talking about?
R: I don't know.

Then I proceeded to fall back on the pillow and pass out.

Turns out, the cannon was a firework my brother set off.

Whatta Night,

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Feliz Cumpleanos

To Me!!!
It's my 24th birthday today!! I know that in the big scheme of things I'm still very young...but I feel like an old woman!
Everyday when I get to work I have my horoscope waiting to be read in my inbox. This morning I had a special birthday horoscope waiting for me...it read:
"You continue to ride a growing wave of enthusiasm, yet keeping your balance becomes trickier and trickier throughout the day. Still, today you aren't interested in taking shortcuts; you want to be in touch with the magic that comes from experiencing the entire journey, even if this makes things more difficult for a while. There's no way to go back to this moment, so make sure you don't miss anything along the way. "
Let's just say that my balance was a bit off to start with today...if it's going to get worse, someone is going to get hurt!
After reading that I decided to do some research...this is what I found.
On my birthday in the past...I've had some, well...interesting things happen.
-Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by "Bill W." in 1935.
Now, come on...is someone trying to tell me something? So what if I ended up having a beer on my lunch and I wasn't exactly sober coming into work today?
"Hello, my name is Jillian and I am a pseudo-alcoholic."
-Italy replaced his monarchy with a republic in 1946.
-The Six-Day War between Israel and Syria, Egypt, and Jordan ended in 1967.
-Apparently the kite/electricity experiment also happened on June 10...fitting especially since there is a HUGE storm outside right now (and I was born in a storm).
This is what I'm most excited about....drum roll please.
JUDY GARLAND AND I SHARE A BIRTHDAY!!!!! Too bad she's dead.
Happy Birthday to me...I'll say it again!
Hope you all have as great of a day as me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Getting Lucky in Kentucky.

So this happened last Saturday but I've been too lazy to write about it.

Remember the story of the candy jar thief? CT, otherwise known as Timmy?

Yeah, I fucked him last Saturday.

He called me on Saturday and I told me he was sorry he didn't call me when he went out the week before in Big Town (although I didn't know he was supposed to), but he was going to go out that night with his new roommate Addison (who was starting as an intern at my/Timmy's old job the following Monday. He knew her in college & got her the job) and asked if I wanted to go. It was about 10 and I had no plans so I told him I would take a shower and make my way to his apartment.

I got there and he told me we were going to go to a new bar called Sound because our bosses kids worked there. So we walked the four or so blocks down there *side note: I wore 4 inch pumps. I still have blisters to remember the night* We walked in and I immediately knew it was a gay bar. Which in KY means 2 things: Amazing dancing music & strong drinks.

So we're getting our drink on and dancing. All of a sudden Timmy kisses me. I just kind of danced away because, seriously, it was Timmy. A few more cocktails later I found myself kissing him back while dancing.

Then we're in the corner making out.

Next thing I know, we're walking our drunkity drunk asses back to his apartment (we totally left Addison!) stopping on the street corners to make out even more.

We get back to his place and the clothes start flying. We went at it like 4 times. Every time I thought we were done it started again. We even moved the party to the shower (hellllllooooo, hot!). Let me just say, the sex was amazing. Not just because I was drunk either. And I know this because we got down the next morning.

I'm not sure if it will happen again but we've talked a bit since then and both agree that we know what happens/will happen when we get drunk together. Which is perfectly fine with me.

Addison had me laughing so hard about it last night for several reasons:
1. She told me that she just knew that I would pull her aside at work on her first day and be all "don't fucking tell anyone" which I obviously didn't because it was a bit awkward. We had to get drunk before I was able to open up about it.
2. She told me she could hear EVERYTHING minus the morning sex. She told me that she didn't think she would ever pass out. She said I did a pretty good job of keeping quiet but that Timmy is wayyy loud (I made a serious effort to keep quiet because I knew she was like right outside the fucking door).
3.Timmy's apartment is a 1 bedroom/1 bathroom (that is actually in his bedroom) and she's staying on a blow-up mattress on the living room while she's working with us. She told me she had to pee so bad and she didn't want to interupt us so she pissed on their fucking balcony and prayed the people below weren't out!

xxx & ohhhhhs,

Friday, June 5, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I would like to announce that my near 7 month streak of celibacy has ended. THANK GOD!!!!!!

Chastity Belt=No more! Haha

Let me tell you, if all sex were as good as what I had last night...I'd wait 7 months in between hook-ups all the time. Sweet Jesus it was good. Now I have to say, Christian doesn't have the biggest ship in the water, but damn he's got the motion in the ocean. I've had a lot of sex in my 23 (soon to be 24) years on earth and last night was 10 times better than any I've ever had. Let's put it this way, all day today I have thought about it.

Last night both of my roommates were gone, so after work I ran a few errands. I ended up getting home around 10pm to see Christian and Samuel (Meg, my roommate's boyfriend) sitting outside on the back porch. They were passing around a fifth of cheap vodka. Now I can get down on some cheap vodka...it's all I drank in college...so I decided to have a few shots. I had a slight buzz going on, so did the boys.

We all went inside where we listened to some Led Zeppelin and Janis Joplin. Meg works third shift, so she's never home before midnight. We waited up for her. By this time Samuel had decided that he didn't need to drive after drinking what he had. Samuel went into Meg's room and went to bed.

Here I am sitting in the living room with Christian...up until this point I hadn't thought anything would ever happen between us other than what already had happened. We had "made-out" back a few months ago when we all went camping and I thought that experience was too good to be true. Laying under the stars in his arms having every bit of my body touched in just the right way...oh goodness...it was great.

Anyway, back to the original story. I thought that the extent of me and Christian would end there.

I asked Christian where he was going to sleep, he said that he would probably either pass out on the floor or sleep on the couch. Neither was acceptable to me. In a casual way, I told him that he was more than welcome to come sleep in my bedroom. He jumped at the opportunity. Hells yes.

We get into my room and he starts cuddling with me. I'm not a cuddler. I actually don't like cuddling at all. I'd prefer to get the deed done and call it a night, of course while having a great time in the act. So, here we are cuddling and I was actually enjoying it. Soon we were kissing and then I was on top of him, he was on top of me...

Sorry y'all no dirty details...however, I'm being serious when I say this...If I could only ever sleep with him for the rest of my life, I'd jump on the opportunity.

And that is the story of how Jill broke her 7 month streak of celibacy.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I blame facebook.

The summer I graduated college (2007), I stopped at a local gas station to buy cigarettes. The cashier was a girl I went to high school with named Amy.

Me: Hi, how are you? I need a carton of marlboro menthol lights, please.
Amy: Here ya go. So, how many kids do you have?
Me: Um none, I just graduated from Private College two weeks ago.
Amy: Well, I have 2 at home and 1 in the oven.
Me: *thinking* Well, good for you. You're doing so well for yourself...working at the Marathon and three kids. Glad I don't have any...What 21 year old would want to have any kids? Let alone three???"

Fast forward two years.

I don't know if it is because I'm single with no real relationship anywhere on the horizon, the fact that I might have endometriosis and have a harder time getting pregnant or what, but I feel like every time I get on facebook someone I know is now engaged, getting married this weekend or pregnant.

I feel like I'm behind. Don't get my wrong, I'm loving the single life (to an extent and that extent involves sleeping with new men and doing whatever the hell I want), but this summer I feel like a big part of me suddenly turned on and is yearning to settle down, get married, get pregnant and begin nesting. I'm ready for the next stage of my life.

My younger, married sister is going to start trying for a baby soon. I feel like I should be the one trying because I'm oldest. I've always said I'm not sure if I want children. As of late, I do. I really do. At this point I would settle for an adult relationship with a man. (And by adult, I mean someone I love, who can support me, has a steady job and where the relationship actually has a future, so pretty much the entire opposite of my relationship with Sam). Just something to postpone this newly acquired baby fever.

I blame facebook for jump starting my biological clock. I know that I'm still young and have plenty of time, but I feel like my clock just started ticking and it's all I can hear. Tick. Marriage. Tock. Babies.

Am I the only one who feels this way???

Single and baby-less,

Monday, June 1, 2009

heeeey there jilllllllian

My dearest Jillian,
Because I love you so much, tickets to see the above sexy man are on me. I'll even buy you a beer. Happy birthday!

Your BFF,

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