Thursday, August 13, 2009

25 Inappropriate Things About Jill

I'm copying Rose on this one. I wanted to write something, but was having severe writer's block...so here it goes...25 Inappropriate Things About Me.

1. I have slept with over 25 people, in a matter of 5 years. It's only an average of 5 per year...However, the only guys I've slept with in the past two years are all repeats. Pretty much just cut that down to 25 guys in 3 years. Doesn't sound so good now huh?

2. I have 4 tattoos. My parents only know about two of them...

3. Some of you all will remember this from a previous post. Here it goes again...I slept with Rose's younger brother. He had just turned 18, I was 22.

4. I have one of the foulest mouths. I can drop "fuck" in a sentence 6 times without even noticing I'm doing it. I also really enjoy the words cunt and ass cobra.

5. I have had buttsex. Yes, I know Rose said this in hers...but not only have I done it once, I've done it 3 times. Not enjoyable at any point and time. I will not be doing this again. But hey, you've got to spice up the sex life somehow, right?

6. I tend to get tired of people quickly. So, when dating someone I usually end up going for the guys best friend. I have almost ruined several "bromances" due to this behavior. I'm not proud.

7. I have 5 vibrators. I only use one of them. It's rechargeable! It was also on sale for $60 from $150.

8. My word vomit is horrible. I have no verbal filter. I say what I think, at all times.

9. I think about sex more than a man. Seriously...sex, sex, sex.

10. I've been in the process of losing weight for a little over a year now. I'm not trying to lose it quickly, so I've only lost about 40 lbs since I started. I still look in the mirror and see what I used to. This works in my favor, guys now think I'm hot and because I'm not used to male attention like that I unintentionally blow them off and that turns them on. I win.

11. I can always get a good laugh off of some politically incorrect joke.

12. I once was driving in a parking lot at a local mall. There was a 3 way stop, I stopped first so I was supposed to go first. Anyway, this man in a mini van almost side swiped me. I yelled "Get the fuck out of the way, you ass-cobra!" The mini van's windows were open. The man just looked at me like "What did she just call me?" He was more confused than angry that I was yelling at him.

13. I have no problem making fun of people to their face, especially if I don't know you. I used to go shopping with my roommate. We would get fucked up, walk around and make fun of all the high school kids. I'm a winner.

14. My first time at Bonnaroo I bought some sweet tea and a corn dog at the Dave show. 15 minutes after taking my first sip of the sweet tea I started seeing Jesus in the clouds. That was the best sweet tea I have ever had.

15. Back in college, Rose and I crashed a Bachelor Party. We didn't even know these guys! I ended up almost sleeping with the Bachelor. A friend of ours came into the room and told me it wasn't going to happen. I rolled over and said "You think I'd actually do anything with that tiny thing? Gives a whole new meaning to "shake it like a salt shaker."

16. I never give second chances to people. You fuck me over, I will make your life a living hell. For example...my little sister in the sorority I was in during college. She fooled around with a guy I had been dating on and off for several years, during a time that me and him were together. I made her life so horrible that she transferred schools and decided she was a lesbian.

17. I used to keep Facebook open at work, all day long. Now, they've gone and blocked it. I feel like I'm beating the system by using my phone.

18. The other day while on lunch I went to this convention my employers were having. They had a group of handicapped kids performing a dance. I sat there and didn't know whether or not to laugh or cry. Everyone around me had no problem deciding which one to do...they were fighting back tears.

19. When Rose and I were checking out of our hotel in Baltimore, we had an Indian woman checking us out. She was asking me a question, I didn't understand a word that was coming out of her mouth. My response was "Huh?!?!?" in a rather loud voice. She asked again. Rather loudly I respond with "WHAT?!?!?" Rose walked off, while she was walking away I finally understood what the woman was saying to me, "Did you enjoy your stay?" My response, "Oh, huh"...I then walked off. One of the groomsmen was sitting at a table in the lobby. He looked at Rose and said, "Yeah, I'd walk off too if she were my friend." The entire lobby heard me acting like a dumbass.
Rose...she knew exactly what the woman was saying to me the entire time.

20. I once had sex within 3 feet of my roommate at the time. Good thing she was passed out drunk.

21. I made out with one of my best girl friends to get a guy away from me at a bar. He was "in love" with me and wouldn't stop dry humping my leg, we weren't even out on the dance floor. I told him I was a lesbian and that my friend was my long-term girlfriend.

22. I once met a guy from Hotornot.com at midnight in a random park, about 2 years ago. Turns out he's a really great guy. I'm actually going over to his place tonight... ;)

23. My friend Luke and I send emails back and forth everyday making fun of the teachers he works with. They send him stupid shit all day long, he sends it to me. I make fun of the person. He laughs. I laugh. Making fun of people, it's what I do best.

24. I don't like to be clothed.

25. I have this problem where I give people horrible looks without realizing that I am doing it. I've actually made a person cry, just by the way I looked at them. It's hard to describe, but trust me...if I don't like you, you can tell it by the look in my eyes...and I'm not shy about it.

7 comments:

Lil' Woman said...

"..I made her life so horrible that she transferred schools and decided she was a lesbian."

lol your fuckin crazy and I will always try to stay on your good side. :)

Andhari said...

Lol you're such a wild child. So awesome!:)

Little T said...

Refreshingly honest! Thanks for the info on butt sex too. I dont' know you but I feel as if we could be sisters...or cell mates.

Under the Influence said...

I'm surprised #21 didn't get all turned on by the girl-on-girl bit and then wanted to date BOTH of you!

Gina said...

Yep, butt sex is absolutely NOT enjoyable. I hate the word cunt, but like you, I say fuck constantly. It's not a good thing when you work in an elementary school. Just sayin.

Susan said...

Sigh. I envy you. I've grown a filter and I totally fucking resent it. Please resist it at all costs.

MrsSki said...

Bonnaroo...bringing music and illicit drugs together all in one field. It's not as fun as it used to be...they really started cracking down.

 
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