Batter OUT.

We have a work softball team. I was asked to be on it but politely declined. See story below:

When I was in middle school my sister (age 12) and I (age 13) played softball. We played on the same team, the Bandits. Our uniforms were black. Pretty badass if you ask me. Sis and I always played in positions that work together (I was pitcher, she was catcher). We decided to try something new, me on first base & she was on second.

She sprained her ankle and was out for a week or 2. Since we live in Small Town, the odds of us not knowing each girl in our age group (and interacting with them daily at school) was slim to none. Everyone knew she had been hurt; she was on crutches.

She was finally able to play a game and I was stoked. Her first game back was against the Bears (okay, I totally made that up. I have no flippin' clue the team name). My entire family showed up including parents, grandparents and brothers.

It was that game when a Heartless Bitch (that is what I like to refer to her as. From here on known as HB) almost ruined my entire summer league career.

HB came up to bat. She hit a double. She ran past me and then went running to second base. Sis was off to the side waiting to have the ball thrown to her.

HB pummeled into her. The knock you down, make you roll, dust flying kind of push. On purpose. There was no way it was accidental as Sis was closer to short stop than second base. When the ump stopped the game to check on Sis she shook it off. I knew she was hurt. Call it sister's intuition if you will.

I. WAS. LIVID.

HB came back up to bat and hit a single. Perfect timing. I knew there would be 30 seconds or so where I could get a word in.

"Hey. I saw what you did to my sister," I whispered.

"I don't know what you're talking about." HB replied.

"You're a fucking liar. You know what you did. You're a coldhearted bitch. You fucking ran into her on purpose because you knew she was hurt. I swear to God if you as so much as look at my sister when you get to her base I will fucking kill you. If not during the game, I'll meet you at your dugout after," I said through clenched jaws.

Woah, Rose. Went a little far, didn't ya? What kind of 13 year old talks like that? Oh, yeah. I forgot, me.

Next thing I know the umpire is in my face because HB told him that I was threatening her. Great. I had to play all innocent (which I admit, I pulled off very well). The ump warned me if there was ever an incident with me again I would be kicked out of the league. My coach took my side against HB, made a scene and ended up being ejected from the game.

When the game resumed I walked back towards first base while giving HB the best bitch smile I could muster. A cold smile full of hatred that meant business. I knew I had won, she was scared. HB didn't even glance at my sister while running towards 2nd, in fact she kept her eyes down. She knew better not too.

Of course, my family knew what had happened. They knew me too well. I ended up with a pat on the shoulder from Mom for taking up for Sis.

It takes a lot for me to get pissed off to that degree, but when I do the person antagonizing me (or someone I'm close with) is toast. You know, if HB had done it again, I probably would have beaten her to a pulp. I'm just like that for the ones I love (and yes, Jill is included in this category). Lucky for her, she was smart enough not to look at my sister for the rest of the summer.

I just can't let my coworkers see this side of me ...yet

Sometimes a Fighter and Not a lover,
Rose

i won this battle, sucka.

Kids, take note. This post my actually be beneficial for you if you ever have a run in with:

THE LAW

When Jill & I were 20, we worked at a coffee shop. Almost very night when we got off work (and the nights that we didn't work), we would head to Ruby Tuesdays for happy hour. We went to hang out with out co-workers and bosses for booze conversation. All of the staff saw us so often, they thought we were 21 and would always serve us drinks (and give us free ones). We would often close up shop about 15 minutes early to head over to get our drink on.

Anyway, on to the story:

I was cruising through town when I saw the lights of a cop flashing behind me. Shit.

First off, when he pulled me over I didn't know what to do with my cigarette. Do I throw it out the window and risk getting a ticket for littering? Do I scramble to find a cup? Where the fuck are all my cups and bottles? Should I just put it out on my freaking floor mat? I ended up slyly throwing it out the driver's side window when I saw he was approaching my passenger side.

"Miss, do you know why I pulled you over?"

I immediately knew I had been speeding. I didn't want to admit to it so I just looked at him quizzically.

"You ran the stop sign back there."

Thinking to myself: Um, no I didn't. Pretty sure I came to a rolling stop. Maybe not a complete stop, but definitely a rolling one. I was going about 45 in a 25 but if you didn't catch that one, you're a sucker.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said

This is where it gets good.

"I'll need to see your license, registration and insurance."

"Ok." I said. I fumbled through my wallet and found my license. Then it was on to the insurance & registration. I looked in my glove box and panic set in. There was no way I was going to find it. (My glove box highly resembles my purse)

I did the only think I knew to do. I gave him the entire contents of my glove box, napkins included. He looked at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before. It was a mix of -- Is she serious? Is she drunk? Is she just dumb? WTF did she hand me napkins for? NAPKINS for Christ's sake!

When he started walking towards his car I asked "Am I getting a ticket?" "I'm not sure yet," he replied

Oh, it gets better.

The next thing I said was a great example of Rose's verbal vomit: "If I get a ticket does that mean my insurance is going to go up and cost more each month?"

Looking at me with his head cocked to the side like a confused puppy: "Um, Miss, I'm not really sure. I suppose it depends on your insurance carrier."

Just. Can't. Stop. The. Verbal. Vomit: "I hope it doesn't go up. I'm still on my parent's insurance because I'm still in college. They would be very upset if I got a ticket and raised the insurance. I wonder how much it will go up?"

He goes to his car and comes back. "You won't be getting a ticket, Rose. Please make sure to stop completely at stop signs; especially when they're right next to a police station. You might also want to consider throwing away all of your old insurance cards and just keep the registration and 1 insurance card in the glove box. You handed me your insurance statements from the past 4 years as well as 10 napkins."

That will forever be known as the day I unknowingly confused and flustered a cop enough that he decided not to give me a ticket because he thought I was an idiot.

Rose: 1
Small Town Cop: 0