Monday, August 10, 2009

25 Inappropriate Things.

I saw this idea somewhere else but I can't remember where. This is a list of 25 inappropriate/bad things about me.

I'm not tagging anyone in this. It's pretty amusing to do though!

on to the list:

1. I flip the bird at least 10 times a week while driving.

2. I'm supposed to make at least 35 calls a day to clients. I call Jill, my mom, my sister, my dad's office and sometimes my cell phone's voicemail to reach the number

3. I am a straight up creep status. If I want to know something about you I will find it out. I will facebook, myspace and/or google the shit out of you. I've even made Jill drive passed a house or two to see the guy's living situation.

4. Sometimes when I get pain pills for my cramps, I'll take one or two recreationally.

5. Lately, when someone pisses me off I've written them off. I used to be forgiving but not so much anymore. I have a "fuck off and die" list right now.

6. I got caught shoplifting when I was 16 and was on probation until I was 18

7. My 16 year old cousin went shopping with me last weekend. Instead of scolding her, I asked her why she didn't lift something for me.

8. I say "fuck" at least 100 times a day.

9. When I was 21, I had a freshman fling who had just turned 18. Now, at 23, I made out with a 47 year old co-worker who is married and has kids my age. Also at 23, I have a minor crush on my little brothers best friend. I need to change my life, starting immediately.

10. I am in love with a guy from work. It's not even that he's really attractive. He's about 40. Has a wife and kid. We have so much in common it's ridiculous. Sparks start flying when we start talking. We love the same music, books, bars and the list could go on. A co-worker even noticed it. I wish he wasn't married OR had a kid because I would be allllll over that. I think about fucking him all the time. I mean All. The. Time.

11. My first vibrator will always be my favorite. I hope it never dies.

12. I will always have a love for the "Team America" song... America, FUCK YEAH... so lick my butt and suck on my balls. It always gets stuck in my head at the most inappropriate times right now, at work.

13. The same with "Wow, I can get sexual too" by Say Anything... "I called her on the phone and she touched herself....she touched herself...she touched herself. I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep."

14. I say exactly what I think. If I think something looks bad, I'll say it. Normally this causes shocked reactions from people because the word "fuck" is often involved.

15. I once left a fraternity party to go home with a boy from another school. He was engaged. Jill got pissed and I told her I would find my own way home from his house. She called my sister. Our friendship almost ended over it.

16. The first person I ever gave a blowjob to had a serious girlfriend. After him there was a string of guys who were in relationships. I'm passed that stage in my life (ignore said 47 year old co-worker. I was fuuuuucked up).

17. I once hooked up with a guy name Bobby. He was decent looking and hung around my coffee house. He crashed a college party and told all my friends that I gave him the best head of his life. I took a bit of pride in that. Then Jill had butt sex with him.

18. Ever since I broke up with Sam I've been horny all the time. It sucks because the men around here = not so good.

19. The other night I asked my Dad a pressing question. "Dad, here's a pressing question: is it better to have oral or genital herpes? Do you want the world to know you're a whore or just your significant other?" See... I'm even inappropriate with my parents.

20. Apparently when I'm messed up, I always talk about sex. Jill said that a night with me isn't complete unless I bring up sex.. The other day I actually said "I'm trying really hard not to talk about sex right now."

21. 90% of the time my boobs are showing at work. Unless I have on a turtleneck or t-shirt, my cleavage is showing. Although not my fault, my boobs are huge. No one has ever said anything though.

22. If I'm eating at work and not going out to lunch, I won't stay clocked out for an hour. I'll clock out, cook my food, eat it, clock back in and then sit around for a while smoking or whatever. They cut my overtime at work, so I have to do something. Plus, this normally results in being able to leave early on Friday because I've capped my hours.

23. An addition to #5. On Saturday Jill & I went to a wedding. A pregnant friend (well, former friend. neither of us has talked to her in about a year), wanted to catch up with us. We ignored her. Straight up looked her in the eyes and walked away. No words exchanged.

24. I like off color jokes. Helen Keller and dead baby jokes almost always cause me to chuckle.

25. I've spent more time making this list than actually working.

This list was a bit difficult to write. There are so many different things I could write but I didn't want to air all of my dirty laundry :)



ZomBee said...

Blow jobs, butt sex and fuckin big tits.

Just cant think of a better way to start the week!
Thank you for that.

ReRe said...

i think we are the same person!!!

ReRe said...

holy crap, i should have read the entire list!!! hahahaha. love you rose!

Barefoot Blogger said...

A) I flip the bird more times a week than you; by about twice as many (California drivers)
B) I wholly endorse ignoring ex-friends, especially if they've proven themselves to be uber-douches in the past
C) I absolutely facebook stalk people.

So, I guess that means either that you're not that inappropriate, or I totally am too!

Gina said...

I love you even more after this list and am surprised at the amount of things we have in common. And if your vibrator does die, as mine did, you can find an equally good one. Trust me on this one.

Karen said...

I have a tiny crush on one of my younger brother's friends. I'm 32. He's 18.

Andhari said...

Cut off and die list. I have it too, I'm so impatient with people's craps these days,

Glamour Girl said...

I just spit my coke on my keyboard.

You two are CRAZY.

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