Friday, February 13, 2009

i won this battle, sucka.

Kids, take note. This post my actually be beneficial for you if you ever have a run in with:
THE LAW


When Jill & I were 20, we worked at a coffee shop. Almost very night when we got off work (and the nights that we didn't work), we would head to Ruby Tuesdays for happy hour. We went to hang out with out co-workers and bosses for booze conversation. All of the staff saw us so often, they thought we were 21 and would always serve us drinks (and give us free ones). We would often close up shop about 15 minutes early to head over to get our drink on.

Anyway, on to the story:

I was cruising through town when I saw the lights of a cop flashing behind me. Shit.

First off, when he pulled me over I didn't know what to do with my cigarette. Do I throw it out the window and risk getting a ticket for littering? Do I scramble to find a cup? Where the fuck are all my cups and bottles? Should I just put it out on my freaking floor mat? I ended up slyly throwing it out the driver's side window when I saw he was approaching my passenger side.

"Miss, do you know why I pulled you over?"

I immediately knew I had been speeding. I didn't want to admit to it so I just looked at him quizzically.

"You ran the stop sign back there."

Thinking to myself: Um, no I didn't. Pretty sure I came to a rolling stop. Maybe not a complete stop, but definitely a rolling one. I was going about 45 in a 25 but if you didn't catch that one, you're a sucker.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said

This is where it gets good.

"I'll need to see your license, registration and insurance."

"Ok." I said. I fumbled through my wallet and found my license. Then it was on to the insurance & registration. I looked in my glove box and panic set in. There was no way I was going to find it. (My glove box highly resembles my purse)

I did the only think I knew to do. I gave him the entire contents of my glove box, napkins included. He looked at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before. It was a mix of -- Is she serious? Is she drunk? Is she just dumb? WTF did she hand me napkins for? NAPKINS for Christ's sake!

When he started walking towards his car I asked "Am I getting a ticket?" "I'm not sure yet," he replied

Oh, it gets better.

The next thing I said was a great example of Rose's verbal vomit: "If I get a ticket does that mean my insurance is going to go up and cost more each month?"

Looking at me with his head cocked to the side like a confused puppy: "Um, Miss, I'm not really sure. I suppose it depends on your insurance carrier."

Just. Can't. Stop. The. Verbal. Vomit: "I hope it doesn't go up. I'm still on my parent's insurance because I'm still in college. They would be very upset if I got a ticket and raised the insurance. I wonder how much it will go up?"

He goes to his car and comes back. "You won't be getting a ticket, Rose. Please make sure to stop completely at stop signs; especially when they're right next to a police station. You might also want to consider throwing away all of your old insurance cards and just keep the registration and 1 insurance card in the glove box. You handed me your insurance statements from the past 4 years as well as 10 napkins."

That will forever be known as the day I unknowingly confused and flustered a cop enough that he decided not to give me a ticket because he thought I was an idiot.

Rose: 1
Small Town Cop: 0


16 comments:

Girl On A Journey said...

LMAO! The poor guy probably tells this story every chance he gets "the kid gave me napkins!"

Rose and Jill said...

I still laugh at that story. I remember you walking up to the table we all were sitting at...you looking like a puppy with it's tail between it's legs...then we got drOnk.
Love you Rose.
-J

Under the Influence said...

You rock. I will definitely try this next time. Howver, maybe three kids in the back screaming "are you taking my mom to jail" will be enough to get the sympathy pass.

Lil' Woman said...

lol..that is hilarious!!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

THAT is awesome. I think I got a warning once when I was in high school... and have not gotten out a ticket since. Ugh.

Constructive Attitude said...

LOL
that is TOO funny! sometimes being an idiot has its advantages.

Michelle said...

Hilarious! Whatever it takes.

Back in the day, during my younger years, I was known to get out of many tickets. (I have only had two ever and one I didn't deserve).

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

BEAUTIFUL! Making a mental note: Inundated them with information and garbage! Too funny!

Brittany said...

the last picture...priceless!!
I also like the
STOP
hammer time
ones!

congrats on getting out of your ticket!! GENIUS!

D said...

That's great! I've never been pulled over before and have always wondered what I would do, maybe I'll have to try this one!

Gwen B. (aka skinny bitch) said...

I wish I could have gotten out of a few tickets that way. I will try it next time!

Melissa said...

ha ha that is 2 cute

Dating Without Pants said...

Guilt trip and act like a ditz. Noted, but I don't think a guy could pull this off ... haha.

Cheryl said...

You're my hero.

Constructive Attitude said...

thanks for becoming a follower of our blog :D

Courtney said...

holy fuck!

you're after my own heart in this one!

once, i was headed to christina's in College Town, and i got pulled over for speeding. told the cop i had to pee and he let me go. :)

give that one a try next time!

 
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