Gina is giving us our first interview! I feel like we should be sitting in chairs across from each other, very formal, with a camera pointing to us and people coming in to touch up our makeup!
Rose,
1. Team Angelina or Team Jennifer...and why?-Team Angelina hands down. She's edgy. Badass. Totally not the girl next door. Everything I strive to be minus her creepy days (you know what I'm talking about: that kiss with her brother & wearing Billy Bob's blood around her neck)
2. What tv show are you embarrassed to admit that you love?-I'll take Dawson's Creek on this one. I have 4 seasons of it on DVD. I just love the extended vocabulary those darn 15 year olds had. When I was in 7th grade I totally thought it was my life story (even though I didn't have a Dawson character, nor a skank next door or divorced parents or live by a creek...) but yeah, it was totally my life.
3. If you could have any non-traditional pet, what would it be and what would you name it?-Easy. Giraffe. I would probably name him Igor. But then again, I need to see an animal to name it.
4. If you could travel to any era in the past, what would you choose, and why?-I've never been able to answer this question. I can't choose. I'm kind of a history dweeb (But not like Jill is) and I am fascinated by aspects of almost every era. I'm going to say any amount of time between the start of the Early modern period through some of the Modern Era. So 14th century through the roarin' 20s. But I would also like to see the 40s, 60s and 70s.
5. What one fashion faux pas would you rid the world of, if possible?- Well, I think that if you can pull it off then wear it. I have somewhat of an eclectic style, so who am I to judge? However, the one thing I don't think anyone should own would be those black liquid leggings. Seriously, those things look like shit on everyone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see below photograph. If you own said liquid leather leggings, please dispose of it immediately. 
Jill,
1. Is there one song that always makes you happy/energized no matter what? If so, what is it?
Yes, there are several songs that always make me happy/energized no matter what.
Here's the list:
-D.A.N.C.E. by Justice
-Smiley Faces by Gnarls Barkley
-Strict Machine by Goldfrapp
-Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show
-You Wreck Me by Tom Petty
-Canned Heat by Jamiroquai
-You got Yr. Cherry Bomb by Spoon
*I can make one hell of a playlist...this list could go on and on for days*
2. If you could sleep with any celebrity and no one would ever know, who would you choose?
Hands down I would choose Johnny Knoxville. He's really hot. He has tattoos. He's funny. I bet he'd be good in bed.
And here is some eye-candy for you girls out there!
3. If you had to watch one movie at least once a week for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I would probably choose one of the "Freaks and Geeks" movies, like Superbad, Knocked Up or Pineapple Express. It would be a hard choice. However, for now...I'd probably go with Superbad, but any of the "Freaks and Geeks" stuff would do.
4. What is a talent you wish you had, but aren't even close to having?
I wish I could Kayak. I think it would be a whole, hell of a lot of fun. Except for the whole rolling thing. I would probably freak out. I've never even attempted kayaking. I also wish I could paint. I tried for a while, but never actually made anything worth keeping.
5. What choice have you made that you are proudest of?
I am very proud that I went and graduated from college. Neither of my parents went to college, and they struggled to make careers for themselves (though now they are both in great careers). I love learning, which is why I chose to go to college...but now that I've graduated I'm proud that I ended up sticking with something for 4 years.
If you want to be interviewed...just let us know and we'll come up with something for you!
<3,
Rose and Jill
Friday, February 27, 2009
It's kind of like we're famous.
Honey, I'm home!
Sam called me this morning and told me the best story I've heard all week. And yes, although we've been major slackers, this will be a *FUF* post.
Sam is currently living with his parents due to financial issues from a divorce (I was a dirty mistress, sort of. They were in the process of getting divorced when we started dating). His family has remodeled the basement and made a couple bedrooms and a tv room out of it. His cousin also lives with them. There is an entrance to the basement around the back of the house. This is normally left unlocked (Sam & his cousin have lost their keys).
He heard strange noises last night. He looked around and thought it was his cousin coming in from her boyfriend's house and she had turned on a tv. Then he heard someone calling his name. He looked up and there was a man standing in his bedroom (who had obviously come in through the unlocked basement). He realized who it was; it was his friend Mark. Mark works for Sam's step-father and he thought that maybe he had come to help his step-father do some things around the house. Then Sam looked at the clock and realized it was 4 in the morning.
"Mark, what the fuck are you doing here at 4 in the morning?"
"Dude, I need a ride home and quick."
"What? What the hell is going on?"
"I'll tell you in the car, just come on."
Sam and Mark get in the car. Mark proceeds to tell him his FUF story of the night:
Mark had gone to Country Bar which is a club/bar type thing in Big Town. He then ends up absolutely smashed and starts talking to a girl. I guess there was some sort of chemistry because ol' girl decided to take Mark home. They get to her house and they start making some sweet, sweet lovin'.
Mark hears a door open and a man say "Honey, I'm home." Ol' girl was MARRIED and brought a man home while her husband was at work! Needless to say, Mark flips out. He scrambles to put on his pants, shoes & sweatshirt on (leaving his t shirt, boxers & socks behind) and gets out of the house. (I'm not sure if he goes out a door or what, but I assume the husband didn't see him).
He gets a good look at his surroundings and realizes he's about 5 miles from Sam's house. Fearing for his life he runs the entire way to get a ride home. He took the path of least resistance and ran through horse farms, people's yards, woods, etc.
Yes, I'm still laughing about it. Here are the reasons:
1. Who says "Honey I'm home" these days?
2. He went to Country Bar and wore a sweatshirt? I'm kind of surprised they let him in.
3. He left his socks, boxers & shirt behind. Like she can cover that one up. I see the conversation now "Whose boxers are these?" "Honey these are YOUR boxers." "BULLSHIT. I don't wear that brand!"
4. He ran 5 miles. 5 MILES to safety. I would have hidden behind a bush and called Jill to come get me. Fuck all that running.
5. Can we just talk about how he had to run through a horse farm? I'm telling you, he passed through some rough terrain.
6. I like to think he jumped out of a window. That is how it happened in my mind. I hope I'm right.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Brought to you by the letter "G"
Gina...you were right when you said I wanted to do this. I most definitely did!
Hopefully I'll be able to finish this before Snuffaluffagus comes around the corner or Bert and Ernie try to make me sing some stupid bathtub song...or Oscar tries to throw trash at me. Sesame Street scarred me for life.
I got the letter:
1. Grass...no, not the kind you smoke. Just think of a nice spring day...70 degrees outside, sunny, bright green grass. I love it.
2. Galoshes I will wear them with anything...seriously, anything.
3. Gentlemen...actually, I really just like men. Alot.
4. Google What did we ever do without Google? Seriously, whoever came up with this idea was a genius.
5. Graffiti I love everything about it. However, I do not do graffiti. I'm not talented like that. This was my favorite piece of graffiti in my hometown, before it got torn down. I was suprised that I could actually find it on Google, of all things.
6. Good I like all things good. Go figure.
7. Gevalia Honey Ginseng Mint Tea Loves it. Seriously, if you haven't tried it, you need to.
8. Gnomes of the lawn species.
9. Good Foods Market & Cafe If I could buy all my groceries here I would. They focus on natural foods, organic foods and whole foods, plus they buy from Kentucky farmers. Oh and they have a sushi bar.
10. Gingersnaps Mmmmm. Tasty.
So, this was hard. However it was really fun and it kept me busy while at work. Comment and let us know if you want to do this and we'll give you a letter.
<3
Jill
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
brought to you by the letter M
Gina (among others) did this amazing post where you're given a letter and you have to pick your top ten favorite things that start with that letter. I was given:
1. Markers- specifically permanent ones. especially Sharpie Permanent Markers with Extra Fine Point
2. Music - I love to make mix cds. I will make them for any and all occasions. I once made one entitled "the best mix ever" and it seriously was. Everyone agreed.
3 Movies - either at home or at the theater. I like to cuddle if it's at home and sneak in contraband candy (and once a Qdoba burrito) if it's at the theater.
4. Make up - especially MAC. I can't get enough of it. I could wear a new eyeshadow every day for at least a couple months and never wear duplicates.
5. Matrix hair products- Especially the Biolage Hydratherapie line. It smells so good!
6. Magenta - or any color pink for that matter
7. Mittens- They are cute. Enough said
8. Making things - I like to think I'm crafty. However, the things I make always turn out diffrerently than I want them too. This would be the main reason why I shop Etsy.
9. Museums - Yeah, I'm a nerd. Some of my favorites include: Anne Hathaway's cottage (The one who married Shakespeare, not actress), well, everything in that town (Stratford Upon Avon), Tower of London, etc. Pretty much every museum I visited in England. Oh, and I like the Chicago Field Museum. Don't even get me started on my love for castles... 
10. Marlboro Menthol Lights
Let me just say, this was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It was fun & amusing though. Comment if you're interested in doing it and I'll assign you a letter!
<3
Rose
Monday, February 23, 2009
F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S
Under the Influence gave us the Fabulous Award...though we know we are fabulous, we like to hear people tell us on occasion...but doesn't everyone?!?!? Thanks!! We love it!
First, we have to list five things we are addicted to:
Jill:
1. Diet Coke
2. Marlboro Lights
3. McDonald's Sweet Tea
4. LUSH products...I love them all (I recently went on a $150 shopping spree there...oops).
5. Sleep
Rose:
1. Non-fat vanilla chai lattes
2. Marlboro Menthol Lights
3. Sushi. And those salads with ginger dressing. And onion soup
4. Text messaging
5. Blogging!!!
And because everyone loves to hear how FABULOUS they are (and we are lazy, give us a break...It's Monday)we tag EVERYONE!
<3,
Rose and Jill
Sunday, February 22, 2009
riiiiiiiip
I'm sure almost everyone who reads this has seen the Sex & the City episode "The Drought." As a mini refresher course, it is the one where Carrie farts while in bed with big.
Well, that happened tonight. Sam and I were in bed and HE farted. I noticed his tummy was rumbling quite a bit tonight but didn't think anything of it. Now this kind of thing normally isn't a big deal. We're going on two years so we've seen the worst of each other: puking, farting, diarrhea, etc. You name it, we've seen the other do it.
Until tonight. Sam ripped one while we were actually *ahem* doing the horizontal boogie. He was on top and riiiiiip . I just looked at him and once I figured out it wasn't me, totally busted out laughing. Sam on the other hand was mortified.
After a couple minutes of laughing he was all "Did I kill the mood?" and I was all "Nah, it happens, let's try this one again, tiger." I mean, when the going is good for me I might as well continue. One little fart didn't phase me.
UNTIL this:
Sam was all "I'm about to come" and riiiiiip. Laughter followed. He was all "Damn. I know I killed the mood this time." Then when he was getting off me I heard the riiiiiiiip again.
I just got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. I figured it would be better to laugh in there instead of continuing to laugh until I cried in his face. He followed me in there and I told him that I didn't care and at least I could get a good laugh out of it. He just said "Please don't tell all of your friends about it." I assured him I wouldn't and immediately got onto the computer. This shit was too good to keep bottled up inside!
He went home and I sent him this message "Um, when I walked in my room it totally smelled like fart. Thanks a lot."
I'm seriously still cracking up while writing this post. I just can't quit laughing. It was movie quality, seriously. I think it's a good thing that I can find the humor in the most awkward situations!
In love with a stinker,
Rose
Saturday, February 21, 2009
*cuteness*
A big thank you goes to Mrs. Cullen over at Symphonic Discord. She/They gave us an award because our blog is "adorably cute." Everyone needs to check out this blog; it's written by 8(?) women, is simply amazing and is funny to boot!
We're still not sure if this means the layout or content. Well, whatever it is, we're going to pass it on to blogs we think have good content and that we like.
1. KT
2. Anne
3. Lil' Woman
4. Miss JC
5. Gina
If you didn't get the award, it doesn't mean we don't think your blog is cute. Because it is. We just chose 5 because, well, it takes forever.
<3,
Rose & Jill
Friday, February 20, 2009
Happy Friday!
Happy Friday.
Never in my life have I been so glad to see the weekend.
As Rose said in her post earlier today I went to the gyno yesterday. So, keeping with the theme for the past few days I figured I'd tell you that I'm completely normal. No horrible crampage, no problems with my birth control...nothing. Other than this raging yeast infection (sorry boys, I'm sure you wanted to know that).
My advice to all you women out there...get an IUD! That is unless you already have vag problems...then it's a bad idea. I got an IUD a little over a year ago, it makes periods easy and you never have to worry about taking a pill. It's great. Of course there are risks and it hurts like a bitch to have it put in (gives you a false contraction), but it's worth it. The thing lasts 5 years! No little Jills will be popping out of me for a while!
So, now that I'm done telling about my IUD and how normal my za-za-down-there is...I'll leave you a special picture to begin your weekend with. Have a good one!
Your unbelievably happy because it's the weekend,
Jill
Seriously
Yesterday the entire office got an email that looked very similar to this:
Subject: Flowers
Body: ____ received a bouquet of flowers yesterday that are now missing from the front desk. If you have seen them, or know there where abouts, please let me know.
Thank you,
Receptionist
Ok, first of all, who steals flowers?
Apparently this guy I despise does. He said when he was leaving for the day he saw them on the front desk and they said our company name (probably so flower guy would know where to send them... what a dipshit). So he figured they were free game and took them home to his wife. I assume he took the tags off of them and that little note card where you write 'Oh I love you, Pookie. I'd just die without you' or whatever people write in them these days.
He left for vacation the next day so obviously wasn't at work. Another woman in the office (his wife's best friend) had to go to his house, get the flowers and bring them back to work the original recipient.
Man. I'd be pissed if I was the wife and my husband brought me flowers and was all "Hi honey, I bought you flowers!" and it turned out that he stole them from work and someone had to come get them. Geeze.
Seriously, though. Who steals flowers? Especially that in bouquet form from a place of employment with a card in them?
Thankfully not my flowers,
Rose
A dose of STFU
I get this text message from Jill yesterday: "I just went to the gyno. There was a bag behind the front desk with your name on it."
I called her back to let her know that it was because of the killer cramps the last couple days. I called my doctor to let her know that my period STILL has not started (5 days after the cramps started and now I'm on my next month of pills), I've felt like dead girl walking because percocet wasn't touching the pain, my hormones are obviously out of wack because I cried watching the Beyonce video Diva (Let me tell you, I was all sorts of torn up over her apparel decisions) and worst of all, I have acne like a teenager.
My doctor and I talked about it and decided the LoEstrin is obviously not for me so she switched me to FemCon (the reason for said bag). I'm going to try this for a couple months and if it doesn't help with the pelvic pain, we'll have to move on to more drastic measures (Lupron injections/ possible laprascopy).
So the first thing that has me intrigued by this FemCon is the fact that it is chewable. Really, a chewable birth control? Those are like the smallest pills you can get. It took all I had not to pop one of those suckers out and chomp on it to find out it's flavor. I decided to read the pamphlet and it says if you want to chew it up you have to drink 8 ounces of water (not exactly what I want to do first thing in the morning). So this morning I swallowed it, but it still let my mouth all minty; like I had just used mouthwash.
I talked to Sam about all of this (the steps we're taking to get rid of my pain) and he was very supportive (I think he's getting tired of rubbing my back every night for hours.. It doesn't necessarily help with my cramps, but I let him think it does. It just feels so good). During our conversation about all parts girly, I told him I needed to go to Walmart to get Midol (Maybe since percocets don't work, this will. Yeah right!). This is how our conversation went:
Rose: I need to go to Walmart for some midol.
Sam: What? Aren't you supposed to take that like every single day? Why are you just now getting it? Shouldn't you have some on hand?
R: Um, I guess you can take it every day, but it's mostly for period related issues. I'm just going to take it when I'm on my period like I used to when I was younger.
S: Well, I think you're supposed to take it every day. Maybe that is the reason you're always having cramps. It might even help with your mood swings
R: How about you take a nice dose of shut the fuck up. I will kill you.
See, perfect example of a mood swing. Came out of nowhere. He was trying to be helpful and I was trying to figure out what I could kill him with in my bathroom.
Does anyone have any experience with FemCon for endometriosis pain, Lupron injections or Laproscopy? If you do, please let me know about it. If you would like, you can send me an email to delightfullyinappropriate@yahoo.com instead of posting in a comment.
<3,
A moody Rose
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
my fickle foe
Dear PMS,
You are suck a fickle bitch and I truly mean that from the bottom of my violent hormone filled heart.
I realize that you're extra pissed this month because I started LoEstrinFE, but just to let you know, it's no picnic in the park for me either.
I'm curious as to why month after month after month you decide to send raging hormones through my body that I cannot control. On top of that is it really necessary for the bloating, the horrible cramping, intense mood swings, bouts of crying for not reason and otherwise out of control behavior? I didn't think so either.
I know that there is some 16 year old girl somewhere out there crying just BEGGING for you to come visit her. You've made a mistake, you came to me instead.
I retreat. I'm waving the white flag. I quit. You win, you always do. Now, can you PLEASE for the love of a 6 pound 8 ounce baby Jesus in golden fleece diapers just go away so I can have my sanity back?
<3,
Your hormonal friend Rose.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Window Shopping at Work
This umbrella has Rorschack Inkblots all over it! I love white umbrellas anyway, but this one is just good. It would be wonderful to brighten up a dreary, rainy day.
Junior Drave Gina Ino. I need this purse. It is imperative that I get it!
I have a slight obsession with anything and everything Christian Audigier. I especially love anything Ed Hardy.
I don't normally wear gold...but I love this necklace. It can be customized with your initials! I love it.The shoes I want are on the home page for this website, you'll see them on a girl on a motorcycle.
Aren't they pretty?
<3
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Sink Squirrel
This could be one of those infamous verbal vomit/TMI Rose posts.
I came home from work early because I wasn't feeling hot. I called my Mom to tell her I was leaving work because I was having God awful period cramps. I used to have bad period pain and leaving work early because of it is a big deal. She told me she would great me at the door with a percocet. (Yeah, how flippin' sweet is that?)
Anyway
I pull up in the driveway and see the plumber. I know that our water hasn't been getting as hot as it should so I figured that was the reason he was at the house. First words out of my mouth "Is the water on?" My mom said yes and if I needed to go I would need to use her bathroom as the plumber was in mine. Well, shit. I forgot all about my leaky faucet (it's been leaking for like a year) and that was his reason for the visit. My Dad didn't tell me, so my bathroom wasn't as clean as it should be.
Right in front of the bathroom door where I had left them were my panties. Classy, no? At least it was a cute pair of skivvies. I just slyly kicked them towards the hamper. I know he had to have seen them because they're bright pink and say something about dancing. Oh well.
Anyway, since Mr. Plumber had already taken everything from under my double sink I figured I might as well inform him of the clog in the left sink. (thus sparing him a trip of seeing yet another pair of my discarded drawers). What I failed to mention is that it's been clogged for as long as I can remember and that would be the reason my face wash & toothbrush are on the right side.
Anyway, I went and took a nap. When I woke up from the nap and went into the bathroom I noticed my bathroom trash had been taken out. "What kind of plumber takes out the trash? I guess that's a nice, but very strange gesture" I thought. I went on my merry way downstairs and asked my Mom why Mr.P had taken my trash out.
Her response: "He had to get a snake to clean out the hairball the size of a squirrel out of the sink. He brought it down because it was so much and he wanted to show me."
Holy. Shit. I know I lose a lot of hair in the shower (I fish what I endearingly call "The Wookie" out every couple months, but from what I hear that is fairly normal for people that have as much hair as I do). But seriously, a hair ball the size of a squirrel in the sink? How the fuck does that even happen? I've never washed my hair in the sink. I pretty much only use my sink to brush my teeth and last time I checked I didn't have hairy gums.
I just don't get it.
<3, An unknowingly, obviously balding Rose
P.S. He also found one of those fish tank marbles. Not sure how that got down there. Or the last time I had a fish for that matter.
Weekends In Kentucky
This weekend was a great one...I didn't get drunk and I didn't do anything extraordinarily exciting.
I play bassoon in a local concert band, we practice every Thursday night for a couple of hours then have concerts about every 3 or 4 months. Well, I went to rehearsal Thursday night like usual. We have an announcements portion of rehearsal which normally is just updates on the older members of the band who are in the hospital or not doing so well. Anyway, this older woman (probably 65 years old) stood up and said that she had an extra ticket to our local philharmonic's concert for Friday evening. She wanted one of the band members to go with her. You could hear crickets in the silence. So, what did I do? I acted excited and told her I would go with her.
So, I started off my weekend with our local philharmonic's concert. It was absolutely fabulous. If you ever want to have tears brought to your eyes by one piece of music. Listen to Beethoven's 6th. It isn't the most popular Beethoven Symphony, but in my opinion it is one of the best.
Saturday morning, I went to my Uncle's funeral. I found out that my 2 of my uncles are in the Ferrier Hall of Fame. Now for you non-Kentucky people, you might be asking why this is a big deal...Ferriers shoe horses, horses are a big deal in Kentucky. Anyway, here is a link to his Obit...if you are really bored and want to read about it. Don't worry...you aren't going to figure out who I am, we don't have the same last name, and he lived in Miami, FL. http://www.miamiherald.com/news/obituaries/story/904944.html
So, after the funeral my younger brother and I went shopping to get his girlfriend some perfume for Valentine's Day. We shopped around Macy's for an extended period of time. I spent most of my time at Lush (the best store ever). I bought a whopping $130 worth of stuff from Lush. It was worth it.
My brother also started hinting around that he wanted to get a hotel room for him and his girlfriend, but because he doesn't have a credit card he couldn't get one. I ended up getting him a hotel room...at a discounted price because I knew the girl at the front desk. After the fact, I couldn't believe what I had done...I had just gotten my little brother a hotel room. Either I'm the coolest sister around, or I'm completely stupid. I don't know which one it is.
Valentine's Day night Rach, Meg, Sam (Meg's BF) and me went on a drive...we drove around in the country with the windows open, smoking cigarettes and listening to music entirely way too loud. Oh the things you do in Kentucky when you are bored. We drove along the Kentucky River for about 45 miles...I have no clue where we ended up, all I know is that we had a great time.
Sunday, I cleaned. I cleaned all f'n day. Then Sam (Meg's BF) decided that he needed to have a bonfire. I had never been to one, so I agreed to go.
There were 4 girls there, with like 15 guys, the funny thing being...they were drinking raspberry wine. The girliest drinks ever.
Imagine this...a huge bonfire, hay bales set up to sit on around the fire, lots of boys dressed in Carhartt coveralls, drinking bottles of girly wine. I had a nice chuckle. Oh they were also listening to Indie music. I swear, I have the weirdest friends. I just sat there listening to everyone talk, while drinking my sweet tea.
It was a fabulous weekend, like I said...nothing extraordinarily exciting, no drunken debauchery...just good ole' Kentucky fun.
<3,
IDK, your BFF Jill?
bummer.
For the first time in my life I didn't want to go into work today. When my alarm went off this morning I thought to myself "I really don't want to go in today and deal with everything." It's not that I despise my job, my heart just isn't in it. Don't get my wrong, I am grateful that I have a job in this economy with benefits and all that it entails.
I now know why I didn't want to go in. I got called into HR this morning. I didn't get my dream job (forgive me for not telling you what the position is, but it would give away who I am). HR Lady explained to me that it was because I didn't have the experience they wanted, which I already knew. She told me that they had well over 100 applicants; some with with every single qualification they wanted. I saw a resume on the printer last week and looked over it and it was perfect.
HR Lady said that the woman choosing the applicant hadn't made a final decision, but had conducted all of her first interviews and is working on second interviews. I didn't even get a first one. I just wish I could have at least had an interview; I felt that would prove to her that I was willing to do whatever it takes to gain this position. HR Lady also said had the opening been for an assistant position instead of associate, I probably would have the job.
HR Lady is setting up a time for us to meet with Boss Man next week. When I told him I was applying, he mentioned that he would do whatever it takes to get me in the position I want. So, next week we're going to discuss how to make that happen.
I have a feeling that I'll be working 2 jobs around the office, but I'm okay with that. I'll do whatever it takes... I want the job that bad. At least I'm able to do some other things around here to gain the knowledge I need so I will have a greater chance the next time an opportunity presents itself. There is still hope for the future.
At least now I can wear the uber cute outfit I was saving for the interview.
<3,
A still (somewhat) optimistic Rose
Friday, February 13, 2009
i won this battle, sucka.
When Jill & I were 20, we worked at a coffee shop. Almost very night when we got off work (and the nights that we didn't work), we would head to Ruby Tuesdays for happy hour. We went to hang out with out co-workers and bosses for
Anyway, on to the story:
I was cruising through town when I saw the lights of a cop flashing behind me. Shit.
First off, when he pulled me over I didn't know what to do with my cigarette. Do I throw it out the window and risk getting a ticket for littering? Do I scramble to find a cup? Where the fuck are all my cups and bottles? Should I just put it out on my freaking floor mat? I ended up slyly throwing it out the driver's side window when I saw he was approaching my passenger side.
"Miss, do you know why I pulled you over?"
I immediately knew I had been speeding. I didn't want to admit to it so I just looked at him quizzically.
"You ran the stop sign back there."
Thinking to myself: Um, no I didn't. Pretty sure I came to a rolling stop. Maybe not a complete stop, but definitely a rolling one. I was going about 45 in a 25 but if you didn't catch that one, you're a sucker.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I said
This is where it gets good.
"I'll need to see your license, registration and insurance."
"Ok." I said. I fumbled through my wallet and found my license. Then it was on to the insurance & registration. I looked in my glove box and panic set in. There was no way I was going to find it. (My glove box highly resembles my purse)
I did the only think I knew to do. I gave him the entire contents of my glove box, napkins included. He looked at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before. It was a mix of -- Is she serious? Is she drunk? Is she just dumb? WTF did she hand me napkins for? NAPKINS for Christ's sake!
When he started walking towards his car I asked "Am I getting a ticket?" "I'm not sure yet," he replied
Oh, it gets better.
The next thing I said was a great example of Rose's verbal vomit: "If I get a ticket does that mean my insurance is going to go up and cost more each month?"
Looking at me with his head cocked to the side like a confused puppy: "Um, Miss, I'm not really sure. I suppose it depends on your insurance carrier."
Just. Can't. Stop. The. Verbal. Vomit: "I hope it doesn't go up. I'm still on my parent's insurance because I'm still in college. They would be very upset if I got a ticket and raised the insurance. I wonder how much it will go up?"
He goes to his car and comes back. "You won't be getting a ticket, Rose. Please make sure to stop completely at stop signs; especially when they're right next to a police station. You might also want to consider throwing away all of your old insurance cards and just keep the registration and 1 insurance card in the glove box. You handed me your insurance statements from the past 4 years as well as 10 napkins."
That will forever be known as the day I unknowingly confused and flustered a cop enough that he decided not to give me a ticket because he thought I was an idiot.
Rose: 1
Small Town Cop: 0
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Take a Look Into My Purse
Nic tagged us in a post about our purses. If you scroll down you can see Rose's purse. I'm just a procrastinator and slacker and it took me longer to get this done...but I can say, I had a good time doing this!!
Here are the rules:
1. Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you can't go into your closet and pull out your favorite purse! We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house.
2. List how much it cost. And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, we’d love to hear it.
3. Tag some chicks.
You can see the nice tear on the front of the purse (well, I guess it's the front...both sides are the same). I have absolutely no clue how this got here. In the next picture you will see that the inside of the purse also has a rather large hole in it. I have to be really careful that stuff doesn't fall in the large inside hole and out the hole on the front! I've lost several lip glosses due to this happening.
I really can't find anything in my purse. I just kind of throw stuff in there. It's a cluster-fuck. I'm well aware of this. But what can I say, I'm a mess...my purse is a mess.
I'll do my best to tell you everything in this picture.Row 1 (top row): Eyeliner, Stride Gum, Rings that I just picked up from the jewelers, an empty pill case for soaking my bassoon reeds in. I forgot to put it in my bassoon case, so it ended up in the purse.
Row 2: Febreeze-to-go, Swash pen, My big Sunglasses, Aleve cold and sinus.
Row 3 (kind of jumbled in the middle somewhere): Marlboro Lights, blue lighter, Dooney & Bourke wallet that my little brother gave me, Blackberry Curve, Body Shop Strawberry lip balm (the pink circle), Doctor Burt's Res-Q Ointment, Burt's Bees Almond Milk Beeswax Hand Creme, Cough Medicine (I had a cold last week).
Row 4 (bottom row): Tranquilizer pills (seriously, they are tranquilizers...haha), checkbook, Urban Decay Big Fatty Mascara, Blackest Black Mascara, Dr. Pepper Chapstick, Vicks nose thingy (I told you...I had a cold last week), philosophy lip shine in the following flavors: eggnog latte, pumpkin spice, cinnamon buns and caramel apple.
So, there you have it. A small look into the life of Jill. Like Rose, I have tried to minimize the contents of my purse. It just doesn't work. I will never be a girl who can fit all her stuff into a clutch!
WE TAG EVERYONE!!!!
Fatty McFatterson
I thought it might be a wise idea to let you all know what happened at McDonald's this morning that Jill was talking about (see her post or just scroll down).
I go through McDonald's for breakfast 1 or 2 times a week. I not only order for myself, but for a colleague of mine. I always order 2 number 12 meals (Bacon, egg & cheese bagel) with no breakfast sauce and 2 small coffees.
90% of the time I interact with the same man, either taking my order or giving me my food. Well today I ordered just like normal and drive up to greet him. I was completely floored when I handed him my credit card and he said:
"Do you really think it's healthy for you to eat that much McDonald's everyday?"
Excuse me?! I just looked at him and the only thing I could mutter was "Um, this is for two people." When I wanted to say "Listen here asshole. If it weren't for people like me who are addicted to your bagels, you wouldn't have your job. Plus, if it was just for me, wouldn't it be easier for me to order one large coffee instead of two small ones?!"
The best part? This is what Jill emailed me back when I told her about it this morning:
Next time he says something, if he does...respond by telling him that you think it is none of his GD business what you eat and that maybe he should start looking for a new job, then walk inside, request to speak to the manager and tell him what has happened!
I wish Jill had been there for me this morning. I just hung my head in shame, muttered an excuse and drove off. FML. I think I just broke up with MY McDonald's this morning. I'm heartbroken.
<3,
Your McFatty, Rose
Seriously, FML today...
During our morning ritual of emailing back and forth Rose told me this story about how she went through the drive-thru at McDonalds, where she had a really rude drive-thru window person (I don't know what their official "title" is). To make a long story short, the drive-thru window guy commented on something that was not his business.
I hate mean/stupid people.
Next Story.
In my line of work I get to talk to "needy" people ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I love the people I work with, but really dislike most of the people that I am trying to help.
Anyway, my phone has been ringing non-stop today. These people can't get enough of me. So, this dude calls me. He sounds upset...oh no. So, I start talking to him. He's angry with me and the system. I explain to him why I have done everything that I have, and even tell him that there is still hope (big fat lie, but whatever)...what does he do? HE TELLS ME OFF! He starts cussing and fuming at me. All I can do is sit with the phone up to my ear saying "Yes", "Yes sir", "I'm sorry" and "I understand", when all I really want to say is "If you have such a problem with what I'm doing, why don't you go get a fucking college degree, get up off your lazy ass, get a job, quit your mother fucking complaining and go on with your life."
I even tried to transfer this guy to my supervisor...she wasn't at her desk. Eventually he starts cussing at me and then just hangs up. Nice.
So, the moral of today's stories is to be nice to people you don't know (either at all or barely)...that a way, you 1. Won't be fired (hopefully) for something stupid you said to someone and 2. You will benefit from another's kindness and willingness to help you.
What is wrong with people these days?
Bag Hag
Nic tagged us in a post about our purses. I'm going to do mine first & Jill is going to do hers tonight or tomorrow.
Here are the rules:
1. Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you can't go into your closet and pull out your favorite purse! We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house.
2. List how much it cost. And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, we’d love to hear it.
3. Tag some chicks.
That beautiful thing up there is my purse. I got it in Gatlinburg at the Coach outlet on sale for $216 marked down from $498. It's not a great picture of the color, but you get the idea. It's a magenta-ish
That is the bird's eye view of the inside. Yes, it is messy. No, I can never find my phone when it rings.
Diary of an Unlikely Call Girl, Bag with lots o crap (see below), pen, my sweet pink ray-bans, my new Versace glasses, my work key and my cell phone.
The contents of Bag of Crap. Mostly lip stuff, but also a couple lotions, visine for contacts, tylenol & one of those things you smell when you can't breathe.
So, there you have it, the inside of Rose's purse. Lots of junk. In the past I've tried to minimize the junk, but I just can't do it. I really do need all of this shit!
WE TAG EVERYONE!!!!
Because mostly, we're nosey intrigued by what is in your bag!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
F My Life (dot com)
So, I don't have a think to say today. Except for this.
I have found the best website for wasting time at work.
www.fmylife.com
It's a website that people can go on to tell why their lives suck. Hence the F my life...
No, I'm not getting paid to put this on here...but hey, if you are the person from www.fmylife.com and are feeling generous...I could really use some cash!
Here are some of my favorites from the site:
"Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML"
"Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML"
"Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML"
"Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML"
Enjoy!
-Jill
I ALMOST killed
A couple years ago, my sister had surgery. She needed cigarettes (or diet coke, something imperative) and needed to run into town a couple days after. I'm fairly certain that she was too drugged up to drive but she left without anyone knowing. When she came home she had this story:
"I was driving down the road and I looked out my window and there was a coyote running down the road next to me. All of a sudden it started running faster than my car, cut in front of me and turned down L road."
Yeah, because that is SO believable.
The first time we heard the story she claimed she was going around 60 miles an hour. First off, a coyote can't run that fast unless it's part Cheetah and I'm fairly certain that Cheetah/Coyote mixes aren't common in Kentucky (or even possible for that matter, since one is a cat & the other a dog). She still claims the story is true, but admitted that in her drug induced state she was actually going less than 30 miles an hour. I'm still perplexed as to why the coyote decided to cut in front of her and go down an actual road instead of into a field. Obviously, we still give her shit.
Well, last night I almost hit the mother fucker.
I saw something ahead of us in the road and slowed down. I asked Sam what the fuck it was. After thinking it was a rabbit (too big) then a fox (still much too big) we realized it was a coyote. I continued to drive and I swear to God it was running beside me just like my sister claimed happened to her, on the exact same part of the exact same road. He was running all crazy in zig-zags like a drunk person. BUT, instead of turning down L road (which we had already passed), it jumped a fence. Sam looked at me and said, "I can't believe that bastard! He didn't even use a turn signal! We HAVE to tell your sister."
Her response: "Fuck you. It really happened to me."
Like I could make that shit up.
<3,
The *Almost* Coyote Killer, Rose
Monday, February 9, 2009
subject: spam
I despise cleaning out my spam email. Once every three or so weeks, when it hits the 500 mark, I go through it just in case there is an email that isn't junk. Today was that day. As I was reading through the subject lines, there were several that caught my eye that I felt I should reply too. I don't have time to reply to this kind of shit, so I thought I should share my favorites with you, our dear readers.
Hi! My name is Paul and I’m one of those internet guys
Well, hello Paul! Unfortunately I am not one of those internet girls. Please cease contact immediately. If I didn't answer the first email, I'm not answering the other 32654 you sent.
First there was the Snuggie, Now there's the Cabin Cuddler
I suspect I could wear my robe backwards and achieve the same thing.
An update from Colorado Technical University
I might actually care about this if I attended CTU. I didn't, so you can quit sending me the alumni emails
Get $7,500 in Xmas Cash
You are either way late or way early. Either way, I'm not spending $7,500 on Christmas presents for anyone.
Get paid to blog and write articles from home
Keep talking. Wait, I just read the body. Unfortunately, I don't have a penis that needs to be enlarged. I appreciate the thought though.
Get a years supply of diapers… free
Cool. I don't have a kid though. Can I trade diapers for another overly expensive product that I use, otherwise known as tampons?
Hernia patch recall
I've never had a hernia. Nor did I know there was a hernia patch. I'm not surprised it's been recalled though.
Old Witchcraft Secrets—Make your wildest dreams come true
Do you send the voodoo dolls or do I need to make my own?
Private jets, personal loans, send flowers, drug rehab, addiction, whistler's condo
2 questions for you, Mr. Mass Spamer: 1. Can I get the loan to purchase the jet, flowers and drugs for the addiction & rehab? 2. What exactly is this Whistler's Condo you keep emailing me about??
Mr. Brain Casey
Did you spell your name wrong or do you really go by Brain? If so, I'm Spleen. Nice to meet ya.
Roses are Red…
Violets are blue. If you keep spamming me, I'll hurt you.
<3,
A Spammed out Rose.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
He has seen your what???
It's my mom's birthday weekend. My family celebrates birthdays by becoming gluttons for a weekend.
Last night my family got together for my mom's official birthday meal. We went to a really nice restaurant, where I didn't feel comfortable anyway. So, we are sitting there having a great time when this guy comes in and starts talking to my dad. My dad knows everyone in our city. And by everyone, I seriously mean everyone. Anyway, I look at this guy talking to my dad when I realize that he is one of the doctors at the local ER.
Apparently my face turned really red, because my mom looked over at me and said "Are you okay? Your face just turned really red." She thought I was choking on my sashimi. So, I swallowed my food and all I could get out were the words "He has seen my za-za-down-there." Everyone at the table looked at me. They thought I had done the deed with this guy! Quickly I had to explain that he was an ER doctor and that I had gone to the ER with bad stomach pains, they gave me a pelvic exam, and he just happened to be the doctor to dive in down there.
The doctor guy, who is still talking to my dad while I'm explaining all this to my family, looks over at me. He cracks a smile and says "Don't worry I wouldn't recognize what your face looked like anyway...I'd have to see the nether regions of your body."
I almost spit my food out.
The doctor dude and his date ended up being seated at the table next to us, so needless to say I ended up with a really awkward dinner experience. I'm pretty sure that the doctor ended up explaining the whole story to his date too, because she started hysterically laughing a few minutes after they sat down.
My dad also had to tell the other side of the family tonight at Olive Garden the whole story. So, I got to re-live the entire experience. Lovely.
WTF, your mortified BFF Jill?
Friday, February 6, 2009
I Killed...
I worked late tonight, until about 6pm. I take a back road to I-64, it breaks up the monotony of the interstate. Anyway, I'm driving along when I turn my head to the left just to see a group of Canadian geese flying in one of those Vs that they fly in. I thought "Oh how pretty." Then I thought "Fuck, that V is really close to the road...it kind of looks like it's going to hit me."
Next thing I know I hear a loud bang. A rogue goose had flown away from the group...I just closed my eyes, screamed and hoped for the best. When I opened my eyes I could see the remnants of feathers flying around my car and a slobber mark on my windshield! I was completely expecting my windshield to be shattered and for there to be goose blood all over my car. Thank God that wasn't the case. I would have freaked the fuck out, or freaked out more that I already did.
So, I decided that it was a good idea to douse my windshield in windshield washer fluid, say a little prayer for the goose and then call Rose to tell her all about my goose fiasco.
The more I think about it, the less I feel bad. My apartment has a large field behind it and it just happens that all the Canadian geese flock to it in the mornings. I can't count the number of times I have been woken up on a Saturday morning, when I'm trying to sleep in, by stupid mother fucking Canadian geese. Aren't they supposed to migrate to warm places during the winter?
<3,
Jill
Thursday, February 5, 2009
You Asked, We Tell!!
Here are our responses to the questions you asked!
Gina wanted to know what we really look like:
Rose: I have very curly hair that is a bit more than halfway down my back. It's dark brown with a bit of red undertone. It currently has some blonde highlights but sometimes I switch it up and do red highlights. I have multiple color eyes (blue, green and yellow). I have very fair skin (I like to call it alabaster) and don't tan. I have lots of piercings including: nose, 3 at the bottom of my ear, 2 at the top and a belly button ring. I got my tragus pierced Saturday night and took out my belly button ring on Sunday morning (I was over it, I've had it for 8 years!). I have no booty and big boobs and a size ten foot.
Jill: I have stick straight hair that is cut into a stacked bob at the moment. The natural color is dark brown, but as of right now it's black with pink/red, chunky, peek-a-boo highlights on both sides of my head. My eyes are blue, and they stay that way. I have an olive complexion. I used to have a lot of piercings, but now I only have my tragus, conch and two holes in my ear lobes...at one time I had my rook, tragus, conch, nose, 2 holes in each ear, 2 cartilage piercings, belly button...too much. I have 4 tattoos. I have a "Jesus" fish on my hip, a quatrefoil on the back of my neck, Picasso's Peace Dove on my side and a bass clef on my wrist. I just got the bass clef Saturday night, when Rose got her tragus pierced. I'm about 5'5", big boobs, big booty and I think that's about it.
Melissa commented on our pen names and quotes the commercials:
Rose: I too think the commercials are wonderful. The best thing about it is we've begun to refer to each other as Rose & Jill in public and people have no clue :)
Jill: It is great that we refer to one another as Rose and Jill out in public and no one has a clue. As to the commercials...well I thought they were good when I first saw them, but now I crack up every time I see them.
Gwen thinks "this RoseandJill person has medium length, thick dirty blonde hair, a pretty pink complexion, and always prances around in sweats, snow boots and a rainbow scarf"
Rose: Well my hair isn't dark or dirty blonde, but it is SUPER thick. I like to think I have a pretty complexion, I get a lot of compliments on it! I do love my sweats and wear them whenever I'm not working. I don't have snow boots, but I have been wearing other boots. I love my rainbow scarf :)
Jill: I do have medium length hair but it is most definitely not thick. And if you had said the dirty blonde thing like 6 months ago, you would have been right...I went though a blonde phase. My complexion is more yellow than red. And I'm sitting here writing this in my sweats. I LOVE SWEATS, especially my green American Eagle sweat pants. I also love my snow boots. They are black and white polka dots!! I wore them last night when I decided it was a good idea for me to go sledding at 11pm. And, I don't have a rainbow scarf....sorry pal.
Lolita thinks might be sisters.
Rose: Although we aren't sisters by birth we are sorority sisters. Plus, I consider her my biological sister. People say we look like sisters though!
Jill: We do look like sisters. I have a picture of me and Rose in my cubicle at work and I get asked all the time if Rose is my sister. I just chuckle.
Life at the white house wanted to know if Rose was pissed when Jill hooked up with her little brother.
Rose: I was drunk and didn't care. I still don't care. Plus, while she was with my bro it gave Sam & me a little alone time (which my brother walked in on!) It's a great little inside secret too...
Constructive attitude wanted to know why we decided to do a blog together:
Rose: Well, I wanted her to do the blog with me because not only is she my best friend, my sister (sort of) but we have a lot in common, same sense of sick humor and have a lot of stories to be told. I rarely have a great story that doesn't include my little Jillian!
Jill: Well, I have to give total credit to Rose for that one. She called me one day and was so excited...she wanted me to do a blog with her. How could I say no? There isn't another person in the world that I would want to do a blog with.
Nic wants to know if Rose's boyfriend Sam knows about the blog & reads it:
Rose: Possibly knows, but doesn't read... I mentioned it to him when Jill & I came up with the idea. He didn't seem to care about it, our conversation lasted less than 5 minutes. I haven't said anything about it since we actually started the blog, though. It makes it a bit easier to write about the good ol' college days without him reading. He doesn't like to hear those stories! However, if he were to ask about it, I would tell him and let him read it.
Gwen wants to know if we made our profile pics, if they look like us and where we made it:
Rose: The girls over at Sex and the Traveling Satchel told us about Face Your Manga, a website where you can make your own avatars. I'll admit, they do look somewhat like us. Obviously, if you saw us in real life you wouldn't be "IT'S ROSE AND JILL!" I had a hard time picking the different features because none of them were dead on us. Jill & I look similar in real life, so it was super hard to make them look different!
Anne wants to know how old we are and if we live together:
Rose: I'm 23 and going to be 24 in September. I don't live with Jill anymore (Only in college and summers between), I currently live at home with my madre y padre! We have plans of moving back in together someday.
Jill: I'm also 23 and going to be 24 in June. I live with Meg and Rach in a 2 bedroom apartment (we made a make-shift bedroom for Meg in our dining room). We have 3 cats (Nova, Zero and Gus) and a pit-bull, visla mix dog...Ama. It's cozy in our apartment and I like it a whole bunch, however hopefully one day I'll be back living with Rose.
DeeBee originally thought this was 1 person with multiple personalities, then she thought we were lesbians, then she guessed roommates, best friends and girls that are delightfully inappropriate
Rose: When I don't take my medicine one would think that I have multiple personalities. I'm definitely not a lesbian, but if I were, I would choose Jill. But you were correct with roommates (just not currently) and best friends!
Jill: Uhm...I don't have a lot left to say on this one. How about "see above".
Christina wants to see some pictures:
Rose: No pictures of our faces yet, but here is a picture of our BFF rings made at a wedding last year:
I couldn't get my ring down any further. However, we got Jill's down so far it almost didn't come off! Maybe someday you'll get to see more. However, if you want drunken ones while passed out in parking lots (or cars) I have plenty. I do require dinner and drinks first though... not everyone is privy to that information!
Jill: Maybe we can take a picture of us from the back or something...that wouldn't give away our identities!
KT wants to know a lot of things:
Even though the cartoon pic of you two says otherwise, I see you as both blondes.
Rose: Negative. I have been blonde, just not currently or fully since about 2005.
Jill: I have also been blonde. Just not currently.
I also think you guys are really the Sex & Satchel girls in disguise.
Rose: I'm not and I hope that Jill isn't because when I emailed them stupid questions I would have just been talking to her. It would have been easier to pick up the phone!
Jill: Damn. You got me. Haha, just kidding. I'm not Courtney or Christina! Though I have to say that I love their blog and they have helped us out a lot in fixing stuff on our blog...they are great and I am flattered that you would think that we are them in disguise. However, this is just not the case.
If anyone you know in "real" life finds your blog, what would you do? Is there anyone that would be devastated by it? Is there anyone that would devastate YOU if they found it?
Rose: I've tried to be discreet about the blog. However, if they find it, they find it. I would imagine it would be difficult to figure out who we are because everything is a pen name. I haven't written anything on here that I wouldn't tell someone in real life.
Jill: A couple of people at work have walked in while I have been writing a blog or checking stuff, if they asked what I was looking at I told them. I am an open book, and tend to have word vomit. If you know me, you know I say what I think....so chances are everything I am writing I have said at some point to someone.
Another question...Would you rather own a Leprechaun or a Unicorn, and why?
Rose: tough one. I would like a Unicorn. For the pure fact that I could take pictures of it, photo shop them and become the new Lisa Frank. Except I would be Rose Frank. But then again, I guess it depends on the size of the Leprechaun. If it was pocket size I might want that one...
Jill: I would much rather have a Leprechaun. This is because Leprechauns usually know where a pot-o-gold is and I could use that to my advantage. I'd be rich! Plus, I am not a fan of horses and a horse with a huge horn thingy just doesn't appeal to me.
