plus size top, anorexic bottom

Saturday was pure hell.

But first, a little background on moi: I first noticed I had huge boobs in about the third grade. Actually, I was in denial, wearing tank tops & trying hard not to be noticed. However, my mom noticed and brought home what I would quickly start to loathe ...my first bra.

Did I start out with some cutesy little number like this?

Hardly. My first bra was more like this:
Yes, my first bra was not a training bra. It was an adult bra. I skipped past the training phase and went right into the womens. Of course, sister never grew like I did and could probably still wear the training bra as could my mother. I'm still not sure why I'm the blessed (or cursed?) one..

On to the reason for this post. I'm going on a mini family vacation next week and I needed a bathing suit. I shelled out some major dough a couple years ago and bought the most amazing tankini ever. Then I lost the bottoms. I'm not kidding, this summer I would wear Sam's shorts when it was time to go to the pool. Or just wear black panties (hey, they kind of work). Yeah, I know, I'm classy.

So off sister and I go bathing suit shopping. I wasn't all about spending the big bucks this time so we went to Target. Cute clothes, cute suits. As soon as we walk in the store I see the bathing suit racks (Why the need for so many bathing suits January 3rd I'll never know. We assume it's for all those lucky bitches going on cruises).

My sister and I go our own ways. She grabs bathing suits, I grab bathing suits. She knows the rules XL for the ta-tas, medium for the booty. We meet up at the dressing room. This is how it's always been.

We first try to go into the handicap stall which we get a big VETO from clothes hanger up girl; "Um, ladies. Those are for handicapped people only." Okay, so off we go to the "second largest stall."

First top I try on was a big fat negative. My cup WAY floweth over. Next. Same thing. Every. Single. Suit. FECK.

Except this one:
My sister was all "Wow, this looks really good. It was kind of ugly but I grabbed it anyway." Gee thanks, sis!

I looked down. MY FUCKING NIPPLES WERE SHOWING.

Anyway, I knew what I had to do. I had to go to the plus size department. No big deal. Sometimes I get my bras at Lane Bryant. With years of big busted fun under my belt, I'm used to it.

We grabbed a couple tops in the smallest size they had (16). I tried on the first one. It had some shelf bra business in it and it cut my boobs in half. Sweet, four boobs. Every man's desire. Unfortunately not mine. Next was the 18, still too tight. If gave me the sweet look of the uni-boob (you know the look, when your boobs are all squished in a sports bra and it looks like you no longer have 2 but 1).

On what I swore would be my last trip out of the dressing room as well as to Target, I grabbed a 20. Success at last. Well kind of. Although the bathing suit fit in the boob area the rest was draping off me. I looked down and my bathing suit wasn't form fitting as it should, it looked like an empire waisted dress. Oh well. What can you do. I marched my not so happy ass to the cashier and bought it.

My empire waisted top and my medium juniors bottom are sure to make a splash for all to see. Unless I jump into the pool feet first and then it will be a flash for all to see.

<3,

IDK, my BFF Rose??