Monday, April 27, 2009

smooth

A guy from work, Tommy, has been pestering me to go bar hopping with him for at least a month. I finally gave in and told him I would go out Saturday night if he remembered to send me a text.

Sure enough, Saturday I received a text "Wanna go out tonight?" I figured why the hell not so I called up a work friend Lesley and asked her to go. Plus, earlier that day I bought a new pair of hot sex black patent Guess pumps that needed to have their debut. (I tried to find a picture, but couldn't)

I planned on going home after the night was over. When I picked up Lesley, I told her the plan, I would drink before we left if she would drive, have one drink at the bar and quit for the rest of the night so I could drive her home.

I started drinking and had a bit of a buzz by the time we made it to DownTown BigCity, we went to two sort of upscale bars that are connected. I like more of laid back place, but Tommy wanted to go so we gave in. We get inside and I immediately had to wait about 15 minutes to pee. Then I made my happy, slightly tipsy, self to the bar and ordered my favorite, Gin and Tonic.

Tommy decides he wants to dance. He is off dancing like a fool (no literally, dancing like a fool. He looked like John Travolta during his Saturday Night Fever days). We make our way to the dance portion of the bar. At the corner of the dance floor there was a little box for the bouncers/drunk women to stand on. Trying to act smooth, I was dancing in front of it and decided to step back onto it. Before I took my first step back and up, I looked at Lesley and said "Now this is how it's done."

I didn't make it.

I am not smooth.

I fell forward and twisted my ankle and was caught by a man with an afro and buck teeth. He was an ugly version of the Reading Rainbow guy, afro flat top included. Thank God I didn't break my ankle new heels. It would have been catastrophic.

AfroMan/ReadingRainbow looked at me after the tumble and said "I've been watching you all night and been waiting for a chance to ask you to dance." I looked at him, snarled my nose and pointed down, "Can't dance, I'm hurt."

Then he starts grinding on Lesley. Not only did I feel humiliated for her because I declined the bozo and he went for her, but I felt bad because HE HAD A BONER. Pure class people, pure class.

Your ankle breaker,
Rose

11 comments:

Under the Influence said...

Sounds like your a heartbreaker, too! :)

insomniaclolita said...

Deal breaker too wtf has a boner HAHAHAHA you're hilarious, ROse. But I'm sorry you twisted your ankle.

Nic said...

At least you didn't break your new heels!

Life at the White House said...

oh.my.word! are you serious???? this is classic!

jen - tsk said...

Hope your ankle isn't too bad. It's a good job you didn't grab onto his boner when you fell!! x

Lil' Woman said...

Smooth, Rose, Smooth! :) Atleast when you fell you didnt fall face first into his wang! lol

Girl On A Journey said...

hahahahahahahaha oh wow i didnt think being this smooth was possible :-P

The heels are ok though?

Mishi said...

Oh man - I've been there. High heels + drunky don't mix very well in terms of balance, but I keep doing it anyways.

Barefoot Blogger said...

ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

It's ok, at a bar once, a guy points out the boner my friend gave him a la "hee hee, you gave me a boner!"

she's been dating him for the last two years. he's as much of a tool as he sounds.

pray your friend does not have as poor taste as my friend did.

Greg said...

Oh, I don't know. Boners are just nature's way of saying "you're swell." She really should have taken it as a compliment, basically. :)

Christina said...

You have GOT to be shitting me. Good lord.

Also, congrats on the 100th. :)

 
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