Monday, April 27, 2009

smooth

A guy from work, Tommy, has been pestering me to go bar hopping with him for at least a month. I finally gave in and told him I would go out Saturday night if he remembered to send me a text.

Sure enough, Saturday I received a text "Wanna go out tonight?" I figured why the hell not so I called up a work friend Lesley and asked her to go. Plus, earlier that day I bought a new pair of hot sex black patent Guess pumps that needed to have their debut. (I tried to find a picture, but couldn't)

I planned on going home after the night was over. When I picked up Lesley, I told her the plan, I would drink before we left if she would drive, have one drink at the bar and quit for the rest of the night so I could drive her home.

I started drinking and had a bit of a buzz by the time we made it to DownTown BigCity, we went to two sort of upscale bars that are connected. I like more of laid back place, but Tommy wanted to go so we gave in. We get inside and I immediately had to wait about 15 minutes to pee. Then I made my happy, slightly tipsy, self to the bar and ordered my favorite, Gin and Tonic.

Tommy decides he wants to dance. He is off dancing like a fool (no literally, dancing like a fool. He looked like John Travolta during his Saturday Night Fever days). We make our way to the dance portion of the bar. At the corner of the dance floor there was a little box for the bouncers/drunk women to stand on. Trying to act smooth, I was dancing in front of it and decided to step back onto it. Before I took my first step back and up, I looked at Lesley and said "Now this is how it's done."

I didn't make it.

I am not smooth.

I fell forward and twisted my ankle and was caught by a man with an afro and buck teeth. He was an ugly version of the Reading Rainbow guy, afro flat top included. Thank God I didn't break my ankle new heels. It would have been catastrophic.

AfroMan/ReadingRainbow looked at me after the tumble and said "I've been watching you all night and been waiting for a chance to ask you to dance." I looked at him, snarled my nose and pointed down, "Can't dance, I'm hurt."

Then he starts grinding on Lesley. Not only did I feel humiliated for her because I declined the bozo and he went for her, but I felt bad because HE HAD A BONER. Pure class people, pure class.

Your ankle breaker,
Rose

11 comments:

Kim said...

Sounds like your a heartbreaker, too! :)

Andhari said...

Deal breaker too wtf has a boner HAHAHAHA you're hilarious, ROse. But I'm sorry you twisted your ankle.

Laila P said...

At least you didn't break your new heels!

Darci White said...

oh.my.word! are you serious???? this is classic!

jen - tsk said...

Hope your ankle isn't too bad. It's a good job you didn't grab onto his boner when you fell!! x

LWLH said...

Smooth, Rose, Smooth! :) Atleast when you fell you didnt fall face first into his wang! lol

Girl On A Journey said...

hahahahahahahaha oh wow i didnt think being this smooth was possible :-P

The heels are ok though?

Mishi said...

Oh man - I've been there. High heels + drunky don't mix very well in terms of balance, but I keep doing it anyways.

Barefoot Blogger said...

ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

It's ok, at a bar once, a guy points out the boner my friend gave him a la "hee hee, you gave me a boner!"

she's been dating him for the last two years. he's as much of a tool as he sounds.

pray your friend does not have as poor taste as my friend did.

Greg said...

Oh, I don't know. Boners are just nature's way of saying "you're swell." She really should have taken it as a compliment, basically. :)

Christina said...

You have GOT to be shitting me. Good lord.

Also, congrats on the 100th. :)

 
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