Jill came to BFE last night for a little sushi & shopping. My boyfriend, Sam, came along for the ride. When I say shopping, I mean going to the local Wal-Mart for
impulse buying contact solution. (I ended up with congestion medicine, deodorant and vicks along with my contact solution. Jill ended up with a coffee maker and headphones).
We were minding our own business looking at socks & waiting for Sam to finish reading some car magazine when we were approached by two rednecks (and I do mean rednecks. One guy had on some sweet camo boots with the laces tied extra tight (what is that all about anyway?) and the other guy had a do rag on. Not sure if either had teeth). The looked similar to this and I'm not even kidding:
Well Sam notices these guys approach us and comes over. Boots (who I'm guessing is about 17, but it's hard to tell) stands all up in Jill's personal bubble and points to Sam and says "You dating him?" Her response, "No, she is. I'm single." (Hindsight is 20/20 and she should have lied and said Sam is similar to Hef & takes on multiple girlfriends). When he hears that she is single his call to action "Wanna spend the night together?"
My response... "What the fuck?" Sam's response "Seriously? Go the fuck on." Jill's response could only be described as blank stare. Did this trash honestly think that he could go for her class? Maybe if she was blind and drunk. And lost her sense of smell. And hearing. So... pretty much never.
Well, his boots were obviously made for walkin' because that's just what he do. But, while walking away he shoots Sam a bad look. Not good. Ever. His Mama taught him right, it is never acceptable to disrespect a woman. Especially not one of his good friends.
So Sam tells him to go the fuck away, you have no respect for women, i'd kick your ass but you're clearly underage, yada yada yada. I can't remember exactly what was said because I couldn't wipe the look of shock of my face and ol' Jill was still blank with confusion.
Well, Boots goes to the check out line where we are unfortunately headed. Boots starts talking smack and Sam was all "BRING IT ON. " I'm thinking "Um, honey, in case you forgot, you busted your knee playing football. You know, the knee you can't put any pressure on. The one that is not only black and blue but purple, green & brown as well?" Well. This is going to be interesting.
Do Rag decides he needs to do his part in this and comes up to Sam. He's all "Yo man, what's going on?" Well, Sam gets pissed. "You know what is going on. You need to tell your little buddy that it is NEVER acceptable to come up to a woman and say that." There is banter back and forth. This could get ugly. Sam will fight over a woman's respect any day.
The entire 20 items or Less lane is starting at us. Then I see that I know EVERYONE in the line (common occurrence in BFE) and notice one in particular. Sam's neighbor, The Cop. I tell The Cop what is going on and he controls Sam, who now has steam coming out of his ears like on cartoons.. The Cop's exact words "If there is one thing I learned from working on this force is you don't mess with those people. They're 'tards man. Just plain ol' 'tards and not worth your time." Right in front of Do Rag & Boots. I'm not sure why, but BF actually listened.
The entire ride home, BF said nothing. Jill & I chatted the entire way home, as normal. He was quiet the rest of the night, just brooding over the comment.
Stay classy Wal-Mart & patrons, stay classy.
IDK, my BFF Rose?