Friday, March 6, 2009

The ULTIMATE Stink-Eye

While in college Rose and I frequented a certain, incredibly trashy local bar called Cheers. This bar is attached to a gas station! You really can't get any more trashy...oh wait, except at this bar you can. The people who go to this bar include "bounty hunters" who drive around freezer trucks just in case they end up needing to store things at a low temperature (I'm just saying that I really think they killed people), truckers, dirty men and even dirtier women. And it wasn't a rare occurrence to find someone snorting a line of coke in the bathroom or smoking a joint out back on the patio. The po-po would make nightly stops at this bar...they were always rolling up in there!

However, Cheers was where Rose and I went about once a week. We loved it. There was no reason to get all gussied up, we would walk in with our jeans and t-shirts with no make-up on and still look absolutely gorgeous in comparison to the people around us. If either of our parents had found out that we were going to this bar, our asses would have been grass.
We also made friends with the bartender, who would make us free drinks all night long. Rarely did I ever spend more than like $5 there.

Anyway, once Rose and I started going to Cheers so did our friends.
One night Rose and I decided to go up to Cheers, but didn't really want to deal with the normal crowd that was there so we gathered up a group of our friends to go with us. We walk into the bar and everyone notices us (this happened every time we went in). Rose and I were getting hellos from all the regulars while the other girls with us just stood there in awe of the trashiness that they were about to endure.
We belly up to the bar and start drinking. We are having a great time playing pool, dancing, singing karaoke and getting guys to buy us drinks.

Rose and I were talking when our friend Katie came over to us with a guy. We were proud of her for finding a guy to buy her drinks! Not to be hateful, but Katie kind of looks like the Cowardly Lion from "The Wizard of Oz", so it was a task to find someone who would buy her drinks. This guy seemed nice and all, so we let her continue talking to him.

It just so happens that Katie was also underage. She was 20 to be exact...we snuck her into the bar! This was her first bar experience ever!!

We kept drinking until they turned the lights on for everyone to go home. Luckily we didn't live too far from the bar, so it was easy to have someone take us home or to get someone to come pick us up. So, I'm off making phone calls trying to get someone to pick us up when all of a sudden Rose comes running up to me laughing her ass off. She took the phone from me and said "Jill, you've got to come over here. You've got to see this!"

When Rose gets that excited about something, you know it's good. So, I run over to the bar where all our friends are standing in a circle. Katie is still clinging to her man. Rose says "Look at his eye" in reference to the man Katie was trying to get with.


I couldn't believe what I was seeing. So, I asked him about it. I was like, "Not to be rude, but uhm...what's the deal with your eye?" Apparently Katie hadn't realized that he had the glass eye, because she just got this really confused look on her face. He told us some story about how he ended up with it...I didn't listen or care about what he was saying because I was still laughing hysterically at this point. Then he popped the glass eye out! I was completely grossed out by his eye socket (minus the glass eye) to begin with, then he tried to get Rose and I to touch the glass eye. No thank you.

Well, we finally found a ride and I started to get everyone together so we could leave. Rose came over because she noticed I was having trouble with Katie. Katie would not leave. She said that if we wouldn't take her to a local hotel that Glass Eye was staying at that she was just going to leave with him. WHAT?!?!?!

The hotel she wanted to go to is a local hotel, I don't remember the name of it...but it's even trashier than the bar we were at! Rose got really serious, she told Katie that she wasn't going to the hotel either way and that she was coming with us whether she liked it or not.

Katie threw a hissy fit in the middle of the bar. She started crying. Now, I've cried when I was drunk before...but NEVER over a dude, let alone one with a glass eye! She started saying how he was a really nice guy and that she really liked him and that nothing would happen. It took me, Rose and another girl to pull Katie away from Glass Eye that evening. Needless to say there were a lot of jokes about guys with glass eyes following this incident.

Oh and did I mention that Katie when she gets drunk does this thing while shes talking? Well, Katie when drunk talking begins to move her lower jaw from side to side, while moving it up and down. She looks like a cow chewing! So just imagine Katie, the Cowardly Lion who talks like a chewing cow and Glass Eye. Wouldn't their babies have been pretty?!?! Haha.

Don't worry...there will be more stories about Cheers...a lot happened there!



Ruggy13 said...

haha sounds like a good time! I almost threw up in my mouth when i saw the picture of the glass eye... ewwwww!

Under the Influence said...

That gives a whole new meaning to "beer goggles."

Girl On A Journey said...

I'm still cracking up about your description of Katie- the cowardly lion lmao!

Lil' Woman said...

Cowardly Lion?!? You girls are horrible, but I did get quite a laugh of this story. Can't wait for the

adlibby said...

That's an awesome story! You had me laughing out loud and feeling like I was in the room. Your writing is smooth... kinda like I imagine a glass eye would be. Oh, wait... I just totally ruined that compliment, didn't I? Still, it was heartfelt! I love to read your blog ladies! You rock!

Constructive Attitude said...

ewwwwwwwwwwww he took the eye OUT!??! ew

Gina said...

I hope Katie doesn't read your blog. Although, that was so funny that even she would have to laugh. said...

thanks for the laugh this morn..
takes me back to my wild days..
whew... glad their just memeories

mona & the girls
ps way too funny...

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