please remove my finger from your mouth, kind sir.

I just want to share something that happened to me Saturday night that I find extremely strange. And uncomfortable.

Saturday night I bar hopped with several of my friends (my good friend from college that I don't see enough, Tessa, and my co-worker, Leigh and a few other less important people). Good times were to be had (and the liquor was definitely flowing).

We ended up at one of the local Irish pubs. Green beer for St. Patty's (it's the first time I've ever had green beer!), a band with a flute, the whole shebang. Leigh, Tessa and I were talking to some guys I know from high school. Said high school friends introduced me to their friend, Dan, who I would say is in his mid-40s. As soon as I saw him I immediately knew who he was. He is on the police force in my hometown and friends with my Dad.

Rose: "Oh! I know you, I'm D's daughter!"
Dan: What? Oh, wow! I haven't seen you in years, you're all grown up! I just love your parents!

Then he starts talking to the guys from high school, "Rose's father is amazing, she's a great girl. Blah, blah, fucking blah." He was obviously extremely intoxicated. And by extremely intoxicated I mean stumbling around and could not focus his eyes.

This is where it gets really fucking strange and uncomfortable.

So Dan grabs my hand. I thought he was going to shake it or something but then he starts moving it towards his face. I just figured he was going to kiss my hand, strange, but whatever. But no...

The mother fucker bit my finger.

One minute I'm talking to him thinking he's gonna kiss my hand and the next thing I know he has my pointer finger in his mouth and he's biting away. He literally had over half of my finger in his mouth. On top of that he bit me pretty fucking hard. Who does that?!

I don't really remember what happened after that. Partly because I was drunk and partly because I was in shock. All I know is I had a bite mark on my finger. I have no clue if I was all "Dude, why are you biting my finger?" or "What the fuck are you doing, you ass cobra?" or I just sat there and took it while he used my finger as his personal raw-hide bone. All I do know is that after he bit my finger I didn't see him the rest of the night. He just disappeared.

Of course as soon as I got home the next morning I had to tell my Mom and Dad about Dan biting my finger. Like me, they had no words. I'm still in utter disbelief that someone bit my finger at a bar.

Not your chew toy,
Rose