Monday, March 16, 2009

please remove my finger from your mouth, kind sir.

I just want to share something that happened to me Saturday night that I find extremely strange. And uncomfortable.

Saturday night I bar hopped with several of my friends (my good friend from college that I don't see enough, Tessa, and my co-worker, Leigh and a few other less important people). Good times were to be had (and the liquor was definitely flowing).

We ended up at one of the local Irish pubs. Green beer for St. Patty's (it's the first time I've ever had green beer!), a band with a flute, the whole shebang. Leigh, Tessa and I were talking to some guys I know from high school. Said high school friends introduced me to their friend, Dan, who I would say is in his mid-40s. As soon as I saw him I immediately knew who he was. He is on the police force in my hometown and friends with my Dad.

Rose: "Oh! I know you, I'm D's daughter!"
Dan: What? Oh, wow! I haven't seen you in years, you're all grown up! I just love your parents!

Then he starts talking to the guys from high school, "Rose's father is amazing, she's a great girl. Blah, blah, fucking blah." He was obviously extremely intoxicated. And by extremely intoxicated I mean stumbling around and could not focus his eyes.

This is where it gets really fucking strange and uncomfortable.

So Dan grabs my hand. I thought he was going to shake it or something but then he starts moving it towards his face. I just figured he was going to kiss my hand, strange, but whatever. But no...

The mother fucker bit my finger.

One minute I'm talking to him thinking he's gonna kiss my hand and the next thing I know he has my pointer finger in his mouth and he's biting away. He literally had over half of my finger in his mouth. On top of that he bit me pretty fucking hard. Who does that?!

I don't really remember what happened after that. Partly because I was drunk and partly because I was in shock. All I know is I had a bite mark on my finger. I have no clue if I was all "Dude, why are you biting my finger?" or "What the fuck are you doing, you ass cobra?" or I just sat there and took it while he used my finger as his personal raw-hide bone. All I do know is that after he bit my finger I didn't see him the rest of the night. He just disappeared.

Of course as soon as I got home the next morning I had to tell my Mom and Dad about Dan biting my finger. Like me, they had no words. I'm still in utter disbelief that someone bit my finger at a bar.

Not your chew toy,
Rose

18 comments:

Jen - The Secret Keeper said...

I laughed at your utter disbelief - I could feel it!! So funny but I understand why you think it's so strange. I think I'd be the same if someone I hardly knew bit my pointer....hmm, I didn't mean that to sound like it'd be just fine if it was someone I knew!

Maybe you just looked damn tasty?

Meg said...

I would have kicked him in his man junk.

Girl On A Journey said...

"What the fuck are you doing, you ass cobra?" LMFAO!

anne said...

wtf? lmaoooo what a wierd dude....

Gina said...

I don't even know what to say about that. Seriously...WTF?

Gwen B. (aka skinny bitch) said...

wow. who the fuck does that. Maybe he was trying to be sexy and suck on your finger and was so drunk he almost fell over and had to bit it to hold him self up from falling like a rope!? No? well thats the only explanation that I got. Keep your fingers away from peoples mouths next time rose! damnit! haha

Under the Influence said...

That is weird. Maybe your dad can ask him about it. :)

insomniaclolita said...

HA I hope you dad smack him :P

Christina said...

LOL People are SO weird. One time, I was working on a mobile meals/HIV testing van in downtown Chicago. I was outside of the van, handing out condoms, and offering up free HIV testing. This homeless guy in tattered jeans and a wifebeater comes up to me and looks down at my flip-flop-clad toes. First, he asked me what color my toenails were. I gave him a very odd look and answered cautiously, "red?" To which he replied - "wow, you have the most gorgeous feet" and began to kneel down on the ground. I didn't wait around to see what plans he had for my toes. But, I was in the same state of disbelief as you were - I mean, who does that?!?

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

yeah so I'm totally reciting the "Charlie bit me!" video from Youtube. Perhaps I'm an addict or perhaps charlie grew up as well.

Great story!

Impulsive Addict said...

Next time you see him, kick him in the balls. He'll know why.

Mishi said...

I'm torn between laughing my head off and being insanely creeped out. He bit you? Seriously? I'm pretty sure most people get the "random biting" impulse under control by the time they're 5, and if not they are sent to remedial therapy.

...still thinking about...still giggling about it...

hope your finger's ok, though.

Cheryl said...

That's...hot.

I would have been turned on.

Serena said...

Now THAT'S going to be an awkward conversation between your Dad and Dan...queue the aftermath. You poor thing x

Constructive Attitude said...

hahahaha.
mannnnn i wanted to know what you did after that!

Lil' Woman said...

LMFAO!!!!
He thought you were tasty Rose! :)

Organic Meatbag said...

That is quite odd... I'm sure he was convinced in his sub-retard level brain that biting your finger would lead to you having amorous feelings for him... that is as great as Jon Voight biting Kramer's arm on Seinfeld...

D said...

I'm so sorry to hear what you are both going through right now. When you have time, there is an award waiting for you on my blog.

 
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