Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Our dear Allison

I have been a complete slacker when it comes to blogging...I mean, it truly has been a while since I have last posted.
This post probably isn't going to be the most uplifting, and it definitely isn't going to be funny. It might even be considered depressing, for that I apologize.

Yesterday morning I woke up around my normal time. I felt like a truck had run over me. I didn't have a fever, but was just really sick to my stomach. Something like what I imagine morning sickness would be like. Anyway, I felt it was a good idea to call in to work. I went back to sleep then started getting calls from numbers I didn't know. Then Rose called me. I answered. She was crying and said that I needed to call our friend Luke. I immediately called him. He was also in tears, which doesn't happen often. Through all of his tears he told me that a good friend of ours, Allison had died. I was in shock. I couldn't say anything.
Luke, knowing that I don't deal well with things like this just began talking. He explained that Allison had called him Monday night and was depressed/upset. Luke had told her that she needed to come stay the night with him, but she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't take any one's help. Another friend of ours called Allison to make sure everything was okay, she thought that it was. Monday night Allison committed suicide. Every friend of Allison's at one point has talked her out of the depressed mood, and some of them have talked her out of suicide before. I know I have done both.
Allison was such a great person. She stood up for things she believed in, she always was thinking about others, she was genuine. She was one of my best friends and one of Rose's. She was Rose and my third roommate during college. We had great times. We could talk through anything. Allison was one of those people who no matter how long you had gone without talking to her it was like you could pick up right where you left off.
Her death breaks my heart. I'm sitting here at work now, bawling my eyes out. All I can think about is how I'm never going to have a good laugh with her and I'm never going to be able to tell her I love her again. I even had facebooked her Monday night to tell her I was going to be in her town this weekend and wanted to see her. Now, I'm still going to be in her town and I will get to see her but she won't be able to talk or respond to me. I'm going to have to say goodbye.

I didn't tell you all this story to get sympathy, or to get a lot of comments from you all saying "I'm sorry" or "She's in a better place." I have actually turned comments off.
I wrote this for two reasons.
1. I needed an outlet. Somewhere to let things out, not having to worry about anyone seeing me cry.
2. I want you all to take time and be thankful for the people in your lives. You can't take your life, or anyone else's life for granted. You never know if you will get to see a person again. The goodbye you say today, could be the last. You may never again get to laugh with them or see their smile. Hug. Make sure to tell your friends and family that you love them. Don't rush to get off the phone with them, just take time to appreciate the people around you. Care. Ask about their day, talk about dreams and ambitions, take time to talk about things that are bothering them. Please, take today and begin mending relationships that have been broken. Call your friends and let them know you are thinking about them.

I probably won't be on here again writing for a little while. I need some time to get back to normal. The visitation is this Friday and the funeral is Saturday. It's going to be a rough time for Rose and me, keep us in your thoughts. Keep all of Allison's friends and family in your thoughts. She will be missed greatly.


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