Saturday, February 6, 2010

Fucktard drivers piss me off.

Alright. Here is the first entry I ever wrote for the blog I never had as briefly referenced in my introductory post. It might be a little rough but I feel like I've gone over it a million times trying to make it as good as possible for you folks at home! (Basically go easy on a girl...I'm a [blog] virgin...touched for the very first time?)

Bad drivers really piss me off. Why is it that no one knows how to drive anymore? It used to be only when in-climate weather hit or one was in Ohio and now it's as if all hell broke loose...on the interstate/by-pass/regular street in the suburbs where people are just trying to raise their toddlers. At least three different incidents happened to me on my way home from work at the Fuckit Mall this afternoon all of which pissed me off causing lots of honking, cursing, flipping off, my blood-pressure to raise, etc.

Is it too much to ask that you choose ONE of the two lanes available for vehicles going in your direction to drive in? Yes. I get it you have a huge ass truck. (I feel as though a little penis joke is too easy here yes? Um no.) Quit compensating for how little your fucking dick is. However, Evelyn and I do not take up too much room and would only like to get past you because we just want to get home and at this point you've been unabashedly straddling the line for about ten miles (ok probably more like point five) and we're worried you might be drunk. Just because it's 5 o'clock SOMEWHERE ELSE does not mean you can take advantage of this fact at 10am HERE and then drive somewhere. Choose a fucking lane you ignorant redneck fucktard.

If your in a TURN LANE how about actually TURNING instead of proceeding to go straight through the intersection almost sending not only me but those surrounding me to our most imminent death?...dickhole...Didn't mean to get into the turn lane? That's ok. It happens to me all the time. Do I wait for the light to turn green so I can put the pedal to the metal and cut off those who were smart/coherent enough to get into the correct lane? Absolutely not. Just make the fucking turn and pull a three point switcheroo (somewhere SAFE like someone's driveway OR you could even pull one of those handy things we call a U-turn or circle around the parking lot the possibilities are endless) and pull back out onto the road you meant to stay on at the appropriate time (i.e. at a green light with a protected arrow).

Lastly, lord knows I'm guilty of using a cell phone whilst in the driver's seat but before you go and get all 'but I've been in the car while you drove and used your cell phone simultaneously' on me at least I don't look directly DOWN at my cell phone while I'm using it. DOWN, as in eyes are not on the road, i could admire how clean and white and pristine I've kept my 6 month old K Swisses (sidenote* does anyone wear those anymore?), DOWN. I understand that your (probably guido) boyfriend needs reassurance (yet again) that he is the most jacked/ most gelled/ is more situation-y than Mike "The Situation" guy there is out there, but really, at least hold it above the steering wheel out in front of your fucking face so at least your peripherals will (maybe) catch if you begin to veer into oncoming traffic. Further more, I've navigated my phone enough to be able to manipulate what I want from it without needing to look at all the buttons all the time (like hitting the send button).
Perhaps everyone should be forced to retake drivers ed. If you're a competent driver (like myself...most of the time...I'm not claiming perfection here) than you should have nothing to worry about. However, if you are a ride-the-center-lane-er/proceed-to-drive-straight-in-a-turn-lane-go-er/ drive-and-text-while-looking-down-er/ from Ohio sign up for a class near you. On second thought do the rest of us a favor, stop being a fucktard and go ahead and turn your license in now and take the mass transit system.



Al said...

Ah Winifred, i was really hoping you would post your road rage post you were talking about. And you did!

Truckdrivers can be real fuck heads. They think they own the roads and act like they cannot see you when they do something dimwitted.

Last week i saw some moron truck driver on his phone and nearly killing us all whilst he was having a very joyous conversation it seemed. Stupid man didnt think about his company phone number being on the side of his truck. I called his boss. He took one more call, looked shocked and put the phone right down. i won. loser.

Lil' Woman said...

Though it is not as big as a problem , I hate when people forget to turn their blinker off. Can they seriously not hear that constant clicking

mhjozwiak said...

Rose and Jill, where the heck have you been? I miss your hilarity. Sure, your friend is funny, but I miss you guys!

Rose and Jill said...

Sorry to get your hopes up mhjozwiak...rose said she couldn't wait to start writing again soon though So hopefully you won't be w/o for too much longer.

Jewels Diva said...

I hate drivers who don't give a shit who's behind them, or beside them, or in front of them, they just do what they want, when they want and to hell with everyone around them.

No wonder the knobs cause accidents!

Rose and Jill said...

AL- awesome!!! The truck that went straight in the turn lane had a phone number I could call but I didn't pay enough attention to the phone number!!! DANGIT!!! I wish I had gotten the number to call...sonofabitch...oh well maybe next time?

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