Roll Over Beethoven

Holy shit Batman. Hold the phone. Hell must have just frozen over. Pigs are flying and this girl has a date. So, obviously hell hasn't frozen over and pigs are not flying...but I do have a date.

I met this guy Saturday night. We have some mutual friends and ended up in the same place at the same time. Problem being, the two mutual friends we have in common I have slept with. So, I have a dilema...did they tell him that I'm easy or something and that's why he wants to take me out?

I added him on Facebook (evil, 666) for the hell of it. Soon after he accepted my friendship he wrote me a message. This is what it said:

Hi, Jill! You might remember me, we met not too long ago, at the Smith house. At that house you will always find me happy, hazy, and slightly subdued. Excuse me for jumping ship in exchange for Waffle House, but I was confused and hungry, so I hope you understand. I just read your profile, and I've gathered a few notes to exchange:

- I've tried quitting smoking many times as well, but it seems the only reward is being able to smoke again.
- Way to go with the bassoon! I reached my peak with a plastic recorder in sixth grade.- I used to be very comfortable with eye contact, but then thought differently about it one day. I have yet to recover from that thought process.
- So what do you think Washington's hair really looked like?
- You are the first girl I've encountered that wears a bra to sleep. Kudos, and I hope you don't get nylon rash, or whatever material bras are made of.
-Green is the best color, especially when it comes to shirts. You are correct.

I just lost my train of thought. Its more like a little trolley car anyway. Have a good day!

Needless to say I had to forward that message on to Rose. We laughed about it for quite a while. He has a good sense of humor, from what I remember he's attractive, he has a good job (applications engineer), doesn't live at his parents house (I don't think) and he has no crazy gambling addictions. Hmm...sounds too good to be true.

I am making a pledge to myself. I am NOT going to fuck on the first date, or second, or third. I am going to wait this one out, see what happens. This is a first for me. I don't ever wait it out...god damn, this is going to be hard.

Well, whatever. I'm going on a date. The first one I've been on in uhm 6 months. Damn.

<3,
Jill

Don't pick your nose after cutting green chilis...

In a moment of supreme half-asleepness this morning, I covered my toothbrush in anti-bacterial handwash.

Just saying. You know. Don't do that. Just because it's anti-bacterial, doesn't mean it tastes nice.

Not that that was what I was thinking, I wasn't thinking anything. Apart from 'eeww' and sweary noises. And I wasn't intending to put it on there, and certainly not because I thought it was going to be nice.

It's not very nice.

Also don't pick your nose after cutting green chillis. Not that I have done that.

But don't do that. It isn't very nice either.

I hear.

Oh, actually, while I'm here: try not to get distracted while you're on a treadmill.

Just advice, you know?Juuuuust putting it out there, letting you know.

Just a public service.

Turns out every day of the week has hated me.

Yours truly (a still not so much awake),
Jill

Moody Monday & Terrible Tuesday.

This has been on my mind since yesterday morning. I just read on yahoo news that stress and anxiety can cause nightmares. I had a horrible one last night, so I figure maybe blogging about what's bothering me will help will help.

A girl at work was fired (or layed off depending on who you speak to) yesterday. I realize these things happen, it always sucks and I feel terrible for her.

Here are the reasons this is bothering me so much:

1. The way it happened. The Big Boss Man (BBM) & HR Lady (HRL) waited. They waited until she came in Monday morning (I knew something was up when both BBM & HRL were in the office before 8:15). They acted all chirpy and said "Hey, C, can we see you in BBM's office?" She was all "Sure!" Then they dropped the bomb.

2. They escorted her out of the building. You don't get to leave with any type of composure. She was being escorted out by HRL while EVERYONE was coming into work. When you're no longer an employee of the company, you get walked to the front door and you turn your key over in front of anyone who is down there. Most people come in at 8:30 (which was when it occured), but don't leave at a specific time). Could they not have waited until the end of the day so the entire office didn't have to watch her turn over the key with tearful sobs and let the poor girl keep her dignity?

3. She wasn't given the option of cleaning out her desk. HRL goes and gets a box and packs up everything (we work in a cubes so it's on display for the whole world to see) and mails it to you. She was shit out of luck if there was anything you needed in there.


4. Work said they were going to give her 8 hours of paid time for coming in. "Gee, Company, you're so generous. Thanks for the 8 hours, still have no effing clue how i'll make rent this month ..."'

5. BBM & HRL won't say if it's a layoff or a fire. This is very important information. If it's a layoff there are sure to be more coming; if it's a fire then possibly not.


And the reason it pisses me off the most???

When the BBM's ass-kisser found out her response was "Yeah, I've known for a week." She's not a manager, she's not a supervisor, she's just a regular worker like the rest of us. She has no right to know.


One of my smoker friends H has a lot of insite for the Company. He's older and has worked here for several years and knows the ropes. A couple weeks ago he mentioned that he had a feeling it was coming and gave the inner smoker circle his idea of who the first 4 to go would be. He was correct with the first one. I just wonder if he'll be right with the other 3...

Yes, I realize this is somewhat of a pointless post/rant & if you finished reading it, thank you. I'm cranky from lack of sleep (thank you, nightmares!) and just frustrated with Company right now. I'll be back with something more delightfully inappropriate later.

Pissed off & Cranky,
Rose

plus size top, anorexic bottom

Saturday was pure hell.

But first, a little background on moi: I first noticed I had huge boobs in about the third grade. Actually, I was in denial, wearing tank tops & trying hard not to be noticed. However, my mom noticed and brought home what I would quickly start to loathe ...my first bra.

Did I start out with some cutesy little number like this?

Hardly. My first bra was more like this:
Yes, my first bra was not a training bra. It was an adult bra. I skipped past the training phase and went right into the womens. Of course, sister never grew like I did and could probably still wear the training bra as could my mother. I'm still not sure why I'm the blessed (or cursed?) one..

On to the reason for this post. I'm going on a mini family vacation next week and I needed a bathing suit. I shelled out some major dough a couple years ago and bought the most amazing tankini ever. Then I lost the bottoms. I'm not kidding, this summer I would wear Sam's shorts when it was time to go to the pool. Or just wear black panties (hey, they kind of work). Yeah, I know, I'm classy.

So off sister and I go bathing suit shopping. I wasn't all about spending the big bucks this time so we went to Target. Cute clothes, cute suits. As soon as we walk in the store I see the bathing suit racks (Why the need for so many bathing suits January 3rd I'll never know. We assume it's for all those lucky bitches going on cruises).

My sister and I go our own ways. She grabs bathing suits, I grab bathing suits. She knows the rules XL for the ta-tas, medium for the booty. We meet up at the dressing room. This is how it's always been.

We first try to go into the handicap stall which we get a big VETO from clothes hanger up girl; "Um, ladies. Those are for handicapped people only." Okay, so off we go to the "second largest stall."

First top I try on was a big fat negative. My cup WAY floweth over. Next. Same thing. Every. Single. Suit. FECK.

Except this one:
My sister was all "Wow, this looks really good. It was kind of ugly but I grabbed it anyway." Gee thanks, sis!

I looked down. MY FUCKING NIPPLES WERE SHOWING.

Anyway, I knew what I had to do. I had to go to the plus size department. No big deal. Sometimes I get my bras at Lane Bryant. With years of big busted fun under my belt, I'm used to it.

We grabbed a couple tops in the smallest size they had (16). I tried on the first one. It had some shelf bra business in it and it cut my boobs in half. Sweet, four boobs. Every man's desire. Unfortunately not mine. Next was the 18, still too tight. If gave me the sweet look of the uni-boob (you know the look, when your boobs are all squished in a sports bra and it looks like you no longer have 2 but 1).

On what I swore would be my last trip out of the dressing room as well as to Target, I grabbed a 20. Success at last. Well kind of. Although the bathing suit fit in the boob area the rest was draping off me. I looked down and my bathing suit wasn't form fitting as it should, it looked like an empire waisted dress. Oh well. What can you do. I marched my not so happy ass to the cashier and bought it.

My empire waisted top and my medium juniors bottom are sure to make a splash for all to see. Unless I jump into the pool feet first and then it will be a flash for all to see.

<3,

IDK, my BFF Rose??

Our First Award!!!!!

THE LEMONADE AWARD












Thank you, Courtney and Christina at Sex and the Traveling Satchel!!! We love you all!!


ONCE YOU'VE BEEN AWARDED, THE RULES ARE:



1. Thank the person who was so thoughful for giving you this award by linking their blog to this post.

2. Put the logo on your blog or post.

3. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude.

4. Link your nominee to your post.

5. Comment them to tell them about the award they've won.

And we nominate:
That damn expat
Throwing Frogs at the Wall
Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old
Namaste by Day
*PinkNic*
Where the Green Grass Grows...
KT's Journey
Re-Ramblings
Jaded Jill Speaks
Playing in the Woods

I'm Just Late in the Game

For the past few weeks I haven't been sleeping...No more than 2 hours a night. In consistency with the past few weeks tonight is much the same. I can't sleep. So, I decided that I should smoke a cigarette, listen to The Allman Brothers and write a blog.

As a (perennially) single girl, I've often been asked; What's your type?

After all these years, I still haven't found the answer.

There are no commonalities between the boys/men I've thus far dated. Really. There isn't.

In no specific order there was the emotionally unavailable Poker Player, who smoked way too much pot. The way older guy who was too available. The too much guy who asked me to marry him the night I met him. The one who was too much my best friend (You know, the one). The one who was too far away. The player who was busy swearing he wanted a relationship but was still way too out there. And the one who was not too interested.

The only somewhat similar aspect between them is the "too". Too much, too little, too there, too gone.

One had brown hair, one was blondish, one was covered in tatoos. I mean, aesthetically there is no "type" to be found here. The poker player never wore a t-shirt not related to poker, tattoo boy was rather fond of wearing shorts (even in the winter).

So it's not about the packaging. They weren't all the same height. They didn't all smoke. They weren't all faithful. They all weren't even that smart. The only thing they actually have in common is, well...me.

At the beginning of every single relationship I went blind. Blind to the things I should have noticed. Things that other girls would notice and walk away from. I guess it's always taken me longer to catch on. It isn't stupidity. It's a mix of a crush and hysterical blindness. It's fucking obvious, screaming out shit that I am blind to.

He was obviously:
an addict, I'd have been happy if it had been mere pot (he was also addicted to gambling)
clingy and to the point where I would have eventually gone crazy
not ready
overly odd
never going to be truthful/faithful/trustworthy
not what I wanted
not what I needed
an asshole

I let it slide, every time. Eh, it's not like I've been tortured. In their own ways, all were fun. I've learned from each, I wouldn't take much of it back, even knowing now what I didn't then.

Hey, at least I'm learning. No matter how late in the game (so late). And that's got to count for something. Right?

I'm now going to smoke another cigarette, watch some more Rock of Love (the one where they are on the bus), and try to sleep again...wish me luck with the last one.

Goodnight, Sweet Dreams.
<3,
Your BFF Jill?

I Believe

I believe that "sleeping on it" is always a good idea. But only if you are in a comfy bed...if you were sleeping on a rock, I would then be against it.

I believe that if your $400 Dooney makes you feel like a million bucks, it's worth every penny spent.

I believe that everyone has a special someone out there. It might just take longer for some to find him or her. I'm still hoping I find mine.

I believe in forgiving people, for yourself...not for them.

I believe that drinking alone does not make you an alcoholic. It's the drinking that can do it...

I believe that a true, platonic friendship can rarely occur between a man and a woman. I usually end up fucking my guy friends anyway...

I believe that you can't help who you love. Trying to understand why you love who you do will eventually lead to costly therapy appointments.

I believe that money provides freedom, freedom provides happiness.

I believe that you can love someone more deeply and clearly than ever before, but that person may still be the wrong person for you. Knowing this does not always bring comfort...it actually will usually bring anguish.

I believe that forgiving someone does not mean that you need/have to be friends with them.

I believe playing with your pet will actually make you happier and possibly relieve some stress.

I believe that a cleaning-spree is a good way to cleanse yourself mentally.

I believe that if you spend time to yourself, you will learn to listen to yourself more. You will eventually be able to take the advise you give to others and apply it to your life.

I believe being 'complicated' doesn't make you interesting.

I believe people need to let go.

I believe in taking long drives on roads you don't know.

<3,
IDK, Your BFF Jill?