Fall

I always have mixed feelings on the season. I love summer, I hate winter. Spring is what leads into summer so it's okay in my book. But fall leads to winter. Bleh.

I love the colors of fall. The deep oranges, maroons, reds, yellows & browns. I love the smell of the first fire being lit in a home. I love that I get to pull out my sweaters, cardigans, hoodies, boots, mittens & scarves. I get to enjoy hot chocolate, football games and jumping into piles of leaves. I love the crisp mornings of the first frosts. I always look forward to carving pumpkins (I once carved Shakespeare!) Vanilla chai lattes and bowls of chili help round out this season. Oh, and can't forget Halloween & Thanksgiving, too.

The movie American Beauty has a line that explains exactly how I feel right now...

"...but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

Here are some pictures of Kentucky in the fall. They aren't wonderful as I took them with my phone. The colors of fall are magnificent.



<3,
Rose

keepin' it classy.

So on Wednesday, Jill & I took a country dip for her birthday and to celebrate FUF a bit early (that would be Fucked Up Friday for those who don't know).

*The following has been added in by Jill, with Rose's permission:
I went to Rose's house and picked her up, we started driving. Rose was telling me where to drive, because I had no clue where I was going. We drove around for a good hour, finally I looked at Rose and asked her where the hell we were at. Rose calmly rolled down her window and said "Uh, I'm not sure. I think we are going to go under the interstate then we will be at the road that will take us back home."
ROSE HAD NO IDEA WHERE WE WERE!
Turns out, we had driven to the next town over, 30 minutes away!*

As soon as I got home I took a bath because I didn't want to smell. I got all paranoid that my parents would know that I was home if I drained the bathtub. Nevermind they probably heard me fill it up. Oh, classy, I know.

I passed out at about 8:30 that night. Mostly because I was tired, partly because I was out of my mind and quite possibly because I ate a junior bacon cheeseburger, chicken sandwich, fries and a large dr. pepper from Wendy's. Whatever.

About 9:30 I heard this loud boom but continued to sleep. Dad came in the room to see if something happened (like I fell out of the bed, I guess. I'm known for that and talking incoherently while sleeping) and asked me what it was.

This was our conversation:

Dad: What was that?
Rose: It was the cannon
D: What cannon?
R: The cannon on the road.
D: Huh?
R: The cannon that Jill and I passed on the road on my way home. What the fuck are you talking about?
D: What the fuck are you talking about?
R: I don't know.

Then I proceeded to fall back on the pillow and pass out.

Turns out, the cannon was a firework my brother set off.

Whatta Night,
Rose

at least I got a drink out of it.

When I asked the blog for help with topics, The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know was the first to give a topic: "I love dating horror stories. What were your worst dates ever?"

Well, that is easy enough. Mine wasn't really a single it date. It was several forced awkward ones with the same person. I'm sure Jill remembers this all quite well (if she wasn't totally belligerently drunk the entire time. But to be fair, most of that year is a haze for me too) because we got some seriously good laughs out of it.

My senior year of college I dated (and I use this term lightly) a total douche bag. I knew he was a douche bag because he cheated on his girlfriend with me and that is how we got together in the first place. Jill knew he was a douche. All my other friends knew he was a douche. I think that is why I liked him... plus, he was pretty hot. Even my grandma said so. It didn't hurt that he had money and always paid for everything (I was in college and had to beg people for liquor money. Don't judge me.)

When I finally decided that I was over him, I started listening to my Mom. Mom had been trying to get me to go out with this guy named Will since I was about 17 which was about the last time I saw him. So I considered it a blind date.

"You all will get married. I just know it," she said. "You are perfect for each other!" I should have sprinted for the hills then, but being broke I figured,"Hey, free date. At least I can save money on food and buy more alcohol for later!"

You know the story: He called. We chatted a little about my life, a little about his life. He asked me out. We had a date for that Friday; he was to pick me up at my dorm around 8.

I got ready and waited for Will to show up. He called and said he was pulling in front of my dorm. I looked out the window and saw this:



Jill and I gasped. You have got to be fucking kidding me. I knew I was in for it at that very moment. First of all, that truck was a little to country for my liking. Don't get me wrong, I'm a born and bred country girl but really, a flat bed? What the fuck is the purpose of that? The only other person I knew with one was my 94 year old grandfather and even he didn't have a use for it!

I gave Will the benefit of the doubt and walked out to meet him. I grabbed onto the "oh shit" handle and hoisted myself up into that bad boy.

"I was thinking about the Logan's in BigTown for dinner and possibly a bar after." Will said. I told him that was fine and picked up my cell phone to text Jill that he wasn't horrendous and he seemed decent enough.

We got to dinner and he told me to go ahead and order a drink first. "I'll have a tall Amber Bock," I said. He just gave me a look that screamed LUSH. "I'll have a Coors light... in a bottle. I don't need a tall one." Uh oh. Awkward. We started chatting about life or something.

Then he drops the first bomb: BOOM "I'm 33." WOAH. Momma hooked me up with someone 12 years older than me? What could I possibly have in common? Before I had time to fully register that he had hit puberty before I was born, BOOM bomb number 2... "The longest relationship I've ever had was 6 weeks." AND YOU'RE 33?? I had relationships longer than that in middle school! I knew it couldn't possibly work and I wanted to get the fuck out of there. Plus, the dinner was coming to an end and I was itching to get back to campus to drink with my friends.

"So, Rose, about that bar?" Well, I felt obligated. It was 8:30 and I couldn't feign being tired. So he takes me someplace that looks like this:



I guess he listened when I told him that Jill and I frequented the shady bar up the road. Although we did go often, we went for free drinks and we were friends with the bar tender. That is not the type of place you take a girl on a first date.

About 15 minutes into I fed him a line of bullshit along the lines of "I have a bit of a headache and have to study for my senior thesis first thing in the morning." Like I would ever get up on a Saturday morning to study!

He drove me back and asked me if I would like to go out Tuesday night. For once in my life I couldn't come up with an excuse.

Tuesday came and I fucking felt obligated to go. I told him I had more studying to do (total lie, I had drinking plans) and that we should go to the Applebees in CollegeTown. After more forced and awkward conversation he took me back to my dorm. When he parked to let me out of the car he scooted himself next to me. First of all, I find sitting that close to someone that I don't care for extremely uncomfortable. Second of all, I knew what was next...

He kissed me. I felt like I was frenching my 5 year old dog. His tongue was everywhere. I've been throwing up drunk and had better kisses then that one.

So, he calls me on the following Saturday and I answered. My thoughts will be in italics.
Will: How are you?
Rose: Well and yourself? like I give a fuck
Will: Great! I can't wait to see you again. Oh, shit. Oh shit. He is going to ask me out again. What did you do last night?
Rose: Well, Jill and I went to our bar. Got pretty drunk. I headed back to the dorm. Jill being the Lush that she is stayed with the boys she met that night. One of the boys called me from Jill's phone and asked me to come over. They picked me up and we hung out until about 8 this morning.
Will: Well. This obviously isn't going to work out. We're in two completely different stages in our lives. You want to party too much.
Rose: Okay. Bye.

Then later that night he called me: "Rose, I'm drunk. I've been drinking since I talked to you earlier today. I'm upset. I thought this could really be something. I just don't understand why you aren't interested. When you graduate college will you be ready to settle down?" HE JUST KEPT GOING. No wonder his longest relationship was 6 weeks! "Well, Will. I'm not really sure. It sure has been real though!"

And that was that. Apparently during the span of our first and second date he stopped by my parent's house and had a drink with them and talked to them for quite a while about my beauty, my wit, and who the hell knows what else.

I had to explain to Mom that we were just in two different places. Plus I've had bottles of lube and periods that lasted longer than his entire relationship.

My Mom still brings him up. "Whatever happened with you and Will? I was so sure you would hit it off!"

Sure, Mom. If I wanted to date a clinger.

Still a drunk,
Rose

I apologize in advance...

I tried to find something to rant or rave about, but I didn't have much success. Sad day. So, instead of doing that I'm just going to tell you all what I have been up to.

Friday night Rose and I went to Allison's visitation. It was so sad. I couldn't believe that I was standing in front of a casket with one of my best friends from college laying in it. None of it seemed real. Luckily, I had Rose there. I wouldn't have made it without her.
Saturday morning I picked Rose up and we headed on our hour and a half drive to the funeral. Allison's dad did most of the speaking at the funeral, which must have been really hard for him but it made it easier for the rest of us. Allison wasn't a quitter, she didn't give up on her life...he made sure that everyone knew that. Her funeral wasn't all sad, there were some happy and even some funny moments. Made me realize just how much I will miss Allison.

Anyway, I can't talk about that any longer.

Saturday night my roommates and I decided it would be a great idea to go camping. Now in KY, it still gets pretty cold at night during March...but we still decided to go, knowing we would freeze our asses off at night. We went to the Red River Gorge to camp. If you are anywhere near KY you should probably go visit the Gorge, it's great. So, we got out of our cars loaded our backpacks on our backs and grabbed as much as we could in our arms and set out hiking to our campsite. The boys we were with had been out there camping before, so they at least knew where we were going.

We get to where we are going to be camping, which was quite a distance away from the cars, and I notice that the river is in between where I am standing and the place they are pointing to for us to camp. Hold up. How the hell was I going to get over there? Oh wait, that's right...there was a fucking log across the river that they expected me to cross with a backpack, sleeping bag, another bag on my shoulder and crampy legs. Whatever. I sat my ass down on the log and scooted myself across. 30 minutes later...I made it.

The boys cooked for us and kept the fire going at all times. All we girls had to do was sit there, look pretty, and set up our tent.

Overall though, I had a really great time. By the end of our excursion I was doing the Dirty Dancing thing on the log across the river and was just having a great time. It was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things. It was so nice just to relax and not have cell phone service. I think I'm going to start camping more often!

I know, not very interesting...but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I'm still not feeling very much like myself. Hopefully soon I'll get back to the writing entertaining blogs and enjoying writing. But for now, this will have to do.

<3 Jill

that poor tree...

This morning Dad and I were leaving for work at the same time. I got into my car and he got into Mom's excursion.

Our driveway has a turn about and I had parked my car in that in reverse. Just put 'er in gear and go. Well, my Dad pulled up next to the house so he had to back up.

Let me just preface this by saying my Dad sucks driving in reverse. Like sucks so bad that he was backing up one time and hit my sister's then boyfriend's car and then blamed him for parking in the driveway!

This morning I'm not sure why, but he decided he didn't want to back up into the turn around or in the yard. He reversed down our entire driveway which I would say is 50 yards or so long. While he's reversing, I start driving (so our cars are facing each other)

I notice that he's driving pretty slow and starts to veer off of the driveway. I'm not surprised since as I said he sucks at backing a car up. I figured my lights could be in his eyes (our driveway has a hill and I was at the top of it), so I turned them off.

I then see the excursion rock pretty hard and I knew what had happened....

Dad totally hit a tree in the yard. A tree that is at least 5 feet away from the driveway.

Oh, once I realized what he had done I couldn't contain the laughter. Then I see him open the door.

"TURN OFF YOUR DAMN LIGHTS. YOU'RE BLINDING ME. I HIT THE FUCKING TREE!"

Well, no shit. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

I guess that his lights were reflecting into mine or something and that's what was blinding him.

When I got to work I called Mom and told her I thought Dad had hit the tree in the front yard with her car. She told me I was correct, he had. To top it off he hit it hard enough to put a dent in the back panel. Let me just tell you, that excursion is hardcore; it's hit a lot of things and no damage has ever been done to it. It's a tank. Obviously, he had to have hit it harder than I thought.

I told her that I had my lights off and she said it was fine. I asked her if I should apologize and she said not to bring it up. It's been a sore spot for him all day.

Yeah, I'm still laughing.

HAHA,
Rose

Weekends In Kentucky

This weekend was a great one...I didn't get drunk and I didn't do anything extraordinarily exciting.

I play bassoon in a local concert band, we practice every Thursday night for a couple of hours then have concerts about every 3 or 4 months. Well, I went to rehearsal Thursday night like usual. We have an announcements portion of rehearsal which normally is just updates on the older members of the band who are in the hospital or not doing so well. Anyway, this older woman (probably 65 years old) stood up and said that she had an extra ticket to our local philharmonic's concert for Friday evening. She wanted one of the band members to go with her. You could hear crickets in the silence. So, what did I do? I acted excited and told her I would go with her.
So, I started off my weekend with our local philharmonic's concert. It was absolutely fabulous. If you ever want to have tears brought to your eyes by one piece of music. Listen to Beethoven's 6th. It isn't the most popular Beethoven Symphony, but in my opinion it is one of the best.

Saturday morning, I went to my Uncle's funeral. I found out that my 2 of my uncles are in the Ferrier Hall of Fame. Now for you non-Kentucky people, you might be asking why this is a big deal...Ferriers shoe horses, horses are a big deal in Kentucky. Anyway, here is a link to his Obit...if you are really bored and want to read about it. Don't worry...you aren't going to figure out who I am, we don't have the same last name, and he lived in Miami, FL. http://www.miamiherald.com/news/obituaries/story/904944.html

So, after the funeral my younger brother and I went shopping to get his girlfriend some perfume for Valentine's Day. We shopped around Macy's for an extended period of time. I spent most of my time at Lush (the best store ever). I bought a whopping $130 worth of stuff from Lush. It was worth it.
My brother also started hinting around that he wanted to get a hotel room for him and his girlfriend, but because he doesn't have a credit card he couldn't get one. I ended up getting him a hotel room...at a discounted price because I knew the girl at the front desk. After the fact, I couldn't believe what I had done...I had just gotten my little brother a hotel room. Either I'm the coolest sister around, or I'm completely stupid. I don't know which one it is.

Valentine's Day night Rach, Meg, Sam (Meg's BF) and me went on a drive...we drove around in the country with the windows open, smoking cigarettes and listening to music entirely way too loud. Oh the things you do in Kentucky when you are bored. We drove along the Kentucky River for about 45 miles...I have no clue where we ended up, all I know is that we had a great time.

Sunday, I cleaned. I cleaned all f'n day. Then Sam (Meg's BF) decided that he needed to have a bonfire. I had never been to one, so I agreed to go.
There were 4 girls there, with like 15 guys, the funny thing being...they were drinking raspberry wine. The girliest drinks ever.
Imagine this...a huge bonfire, hay bales set up to sit on around the fire, lots of boys dressed in Carhartt coveralls, drinking bottles of girly wine. I had a nice chuckle. Oh they were also listening to Indie music. I swear, I have the weirdest friends. I just sat there listening to everyone talk, while drinking my sweet tea.

It was a fabulous weekend, like I said...nothing extraordinarily exciting, no drunken debauchery...just good ole' Kentucky fun.

<3,
IDK, your BFF Jill?

I ALMOST killed

A MOTHER FUCKING COYOTE!

A couple years ago, my sister had surgery. She needed cigarettes (or diet coke, something imperative) and needed to run into town a couple days after. I'm fairly certain that she was too drugged up to drive but she left without anyone knowing. When she came home she had this story:


"I was driving down the road and I looked out my window and there was a coyote running down the road next to me. All of a sudden it started running faster than my car, cut in front of me and turned down L road."

Yeah, because that is SO believable.

The first time we heard the story she claimed she was going around 60 miles an hour. First off, a coyote can't run that fast unless it's part Cheetah and I'm fairly certain that Cheetah/Coyote mixes aren't common in Kentucky (or even possible for that matter, since one is a cat & the other a dog). She still claims the story is true, but admitted that in her drug induced state she was actually going less than 30 miles an hour. I'm still perplexed as to why the coyote decided to cut in front of her and go down an actual road instead of into a field. Obviously, we still give her shit.

Well, last night I almost hit the mother fucker.

I saw something ahead of us in the road and slowed down. I asked Sam what the fuck it was. After thinking it was a rabbit (too big) then a fox (still much too big) we realized it was a coyote. I continued to drive and I swear to God it was running beside me just like my sister claimed happened to her, on the exact same part of the exact same road. He was running all crazy in zig-zags like a drunk person. BUT, instead of turning down L road (which we had already passed), it jumped a fence. Sam looked at me and said, "I can't believe that bastard! He didn't even use a turn signal! We HAVE to tell your sister."

Her response: "Fuck you. It really happened to me."

Like I could make that shit up.

<3,
The *Almost* Coyote Killer, Rose