keepin' it classy.

So on Wednesday, Jill & I took a country dip for her birthday and to celebrate FUF a bit early (that would be Fucked Up Friday for those who don't know).

*The following has been added in by Jill, with Rose's permission:
I went to Rose's house and picked her up, we started driving. Rose was telling me where to drive, because I had no clue where I was going. We drove around for a good hour, finally I looked at Rose and asked her where the hell we were at. Rose calmly rolled down her window and said "Uh, I'm not sure. I think we are going to go under the interstate then we will be at the road that will take us back home."
ROSE HAD NO IDEA WHERE WE WERE!
Turns out, we had driven to the next town over, 30 minutes away!*

As soon as I got home I took a bath because I didn't want to smell. I got all paranoid that my parents would know that I was home if I drained the bathtub. Nevermind they probably heard me fill it up. Oh, classy, I know.

I passed out at about 8:30 that night. Mostly because I was tired, partly because I was out of my mind and quite possibly because I ate a junior bacon cheeseburger, chicken sandwich, fries and a large dr. pepper from Wendy's. Whatever.

About 9:30 I heard this loud boom but continued to sleep. Dad came in the room to see if something happened (like I fell out of the bed, I guess. I'm known for that and talking incoherently while sleeping) and asked me what it was.

This was our conversation:

Dad: What was that?
Rose: It was the cannon
D: What cannon?
R: The cannon on the road.
D: Huh?
R: The cannon that Jill and I passed on the road on my way home. What the fuck are you talking about?
D: What the fuck are you talking about?
R: I don't know.

Then I proceeded to fall back on the pillow and pass out.

Turns out, the cannon was a firework my brother set off.

Whatta Night,
Rose

Fatty McFatterson

I thought it might be a wise idea to let you all know what happened at McDonald's this morning that Jill was talking about (see her post or just scroll down).

I go through McDonald's for breakfast 1 or 2 times a week. I not only order for myself, but for a colleague of mine. I always order 2 number 12 meals (Bacon, egg & cheese bagel) with no breakfast sauce and 2 small coffees.

90% of the time I interact with the same man, either taking my order or giving me my food. Well today I ordered just like normal and drive up to greet him. I was completely floored when I handed him my credit card and he said:

"Do you really think it's healthy for you to eat that much McDonald's everyday?"

Excuse me?! I just looked at him and the only thing I could mutter was "Um, this is for two people." When I wanted to say "Listen here asshole. If it weren't for people like me who are addicted to your bagels, you wouldn't have your job. Plus, if it was just for me, wouldn't it be easier for me to order one large coffee instead of two small ones?!"

The best part? This is what Jill emailed me back when I told her about it this morning:
Next time he says something, if he does...respond by telling him that you think it is none of his GD business what you eat and that maybe he should start looking for a new job, then walk inside, request to speak to the manager and tell him what has happened!

I wish Jill had been there for me this morning. I just hung my head in shame, muttered an excuse and drove off. FML. I think I just broke up with MY McDonald's this morning. I'm heartbroken.

<3,
Your McFatty, Rose

I need to get out of the apartment!

One roommate, 2 cats, 1 dog and 3 horrible days of snow later...I feel like I've been run over by a train. Every muscle in my body hurts.
Sunday Meg moved in. It's pretty nice. I love having her here. Her stuff plus mine and Rach's stuff just makes for a homey little apartment. As a friend of mine said "She came with baggage." Not like bad baggage though. She has 2 cats and a dog. It has been great entertainment trying to get the animals to like one another. They will be fine for a few hours, then all of a sudden it sounds like a cartoon. You hear a loud scream, a bang and then scurrying a cat then goes flying across the room with either another cat or a dog following it. Quite entertaining. Trust me.
Monday I went to work. It was just like every other day. I spoke to a few of my claimant's on the phone and worked on a few cases. Fun times. Again, you will never know what I do for a living. Just remember the consequences.
Tuesday I wake up, look outside and see that we have a ice and snow sandwich. When I went to bed it was raining. All the rain froze. So there was an inch of ice, followed by at least 2 inches of snow with a final layer, an inch thick sheet of ice. I didn't go to work.
Wednesday was much the same ordeal. It was so horrible outside. Pretty but horrible. Trees had broken and no one was able to get out again. I decided that since all the precipitation had stopped that it was a good idea to go clean my car off. 1.5 hours later I returned to my warm abode. It took me that long to clean my car off.
So, this morning I wake up thinking, "Hey, my car is cleaned off, just go out and start it. Let it warm up." Before I went outside I had the genius idea to call work. See how the weather is 45 minutes from my apartment. No one answered. I figured that because my supervisor and my supervisor's supervisor wasn't there, it was not necessary for me to trot my happy ass into work. I went back to bed.
Here are some pictures of what it looks like here...

Today I have cleaned and smoked a bunch. I need to quit smoking. I love it so much though. It makes me happy. It makes me not kill people. Smoking calms me down. For real.
Speaking of which a cigarette would be nice right now. Cigarettes and coffee. Or Cigarettes and chocolate milk. Just call me Rufus Wainwright.
Hope you all are having better weather than here in Kentucky.
Maybe I'll actually get to venture into the outside world today.
Wish me luck.

-Jill

13 Days Late

While eating my dinner of pistachios and chips & salsa I realized something. I can't cook. If it comes pre-assembled or pre-packaged, I'm all over it. If I have to come up with something on my own, I'm TERRIBLE. There are a couple things I know how to make (Italian chicken and homemade mac & cheese) that actually turn out edible.

Can I interest you in a burger, extra well done on the outside & practically raw on the inside? No? How about loaded mashed potatoes that are so thick you might as well eat paste? Runny pancakes? Chicken with too much seasoning???

Don't get me wrong, I've tried. I would LOVE to cook and cook well. I just don't see it in my future. I love the thought of cooking. I actually like to cook. It just so happens that 95% of my food the dog won't eat.

One of the first things I "learned to cook" was grilled cheese. Everyday in middle school I would cook a grilled cheese sandwich, make tomato soup & watch Fresh Prince. One day, I was heating up the pan and getting out my ingredients (and by ingredients I mean bread, butter & american cheese). With my back turned I caught a whiff of something and turned around. The stove was on fire. I turned on the wrong burner and a tupperware bowl had caught on fire (who knew this was even possible?) I tried to smother the fire with a towel, which caught on fire. All I could think was "Stop. Drop. Roll." I knew that stopping, dropping & rolling wouldn't do shit for the towel & bowl on fire so I grabbed a cup and drenched it. Then I started flipping out because I knew I was going to get a "safety in the kitchen" talk from my mom as soon as she walked in the door & smelled the kitchen.

So aside from the mac & cheese and chicken, the only thing I've successfully made in the kitchen was a small fire and food my dog won't eat.

Sam teases me all the time about it because I'd be fine eating cereal for dinner. He doesn't consider it a meal unless there is meat (which is another thing, I was a vegetarian for a long time and although I eat meat now, I can still go without it). It's a good thing that not only does he love to cook, but he's really good at it. He comes up with these great ideas that actually turn out.

While writing this post, I just decided that my New Year's Resolution is to learn how to cook edible food (okay, maybe not my New Year's because I should have done it 13 days ago.) I want to learn to cook from recipes that don't come on the back of a box, but actually from a book.

Wish me luck. I better find a fire extinguisher.

<3,
Rose