So Sunday night I got bored and decided to hit up the local Wal-Mart to buy some random things (seriously, I went in there for mascara and ended up perusing the aisles, like normal).
I was randomly walking through the bedding aisle and found what I consider to be one of the cutest bed sets I have ever seen. It is seriously darling. And cheap. I looked at the tag and the bedding is by Green Gorilla which is manufactured by CHF. I couldn't find an actual picture of the bed set anywhere, but found this while googling.
You can't really tell, but the comforter is green with all different color birds and flowers on it. (I think it looks like fish in the picture, but no it's totally birds). Not only that, but the set also included sheets, which are white with multi colored flowers, and pillow cases. All for $65!
And it gets better...
While searching EVERYWHERE for this Green Gorilla line, I came across a press release that says: "Cotton used is 100% organic, certified by SKAL, and created with low-impact dyestuffs, she said. Designs feature animals, butterflies, sports, florals and '50s graphic themes. Eco-friendly packaging has a smaller carbon footprint, and the insert is made from recycled materials."
Not only good for the environment but cute too?! I love the fact that the cotton is 100% organic. And that the press release uses the word "dyestuffs." And can we just talk about the '50s graphic themes? And eco-friendly packaging and reducing carbon footprints and it's recycled?!
On the CHF website (the makers of the Green Gorilla line), they had some of the other bed sets. I especially love the one with the trees!
I am in love with this line. I'm totally going back for the little bird pillow that matches. I just wish it was easier to find online. All I know is that it's environmentally awesome, cute & available at your local Wal-Mart.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
So Sunday night I got bored and decided to hit up the local Wal-Mart to buy some random things (seriously, I went in there for mascara and ended up perusing the aisles, like normal).
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
We have a work softball team. I was asked to be on it but politely declined. See story below:
When I was in middle school my sister (age 12) and I (age 13) played softball. We played on the same team, the Bandits. Our uniforms were black. Pretty badass if you ask me. Sis and I always played in positions that work together (I was pitcher, she was catcher). We decided to try something new, me on first base & she was on second.
She sprained her ankle and was out for a week or 2. Since we live in Small Town, the odds of us not knowing each girl in our age group (and interacting with them daily at school) was slim to none. Everyone knew she had been hurt; she was on crutches.
She was finally able to play a game and I was stoked. Her first game back was against the Bears (okay, I totally made that up. I have no flippin' clue the team name). My entire family showed up including parents, grandparents and brothers.
It was that game when a Heartless Bitch (that is what I like to refer to her as. From here on known as HB) almost ruined my entire summer league career.
HB came up to bat. She hit a double. She ran past me and then went running to second base. Sis was off to the side waiting to have the ball thrown to her.
HB pummeled into her. The knock you down, make you roll, dust flying kind of push. On purpose. There was no way it was accidental as Sis was closer to short stop than second base. When the ump stopped the game to check on Sis she shook it off. I knew she was hurt. Call it sister's intuition if you will.
I. WAS. LIVID.
HB came back up to bat and hit a single. Perfect timing. I knew there would be 30 seconds or so where I could get a word in.
"Hey. I saw what you did to my sister," I whispered.
"I don't know what you're talking about." HB replied.
"You're a fucking liar. You know what you did. You're a coldhearted bitch. You fucking ran into her on purpose because you knew she was hurt. I swear to God if you as so much as look at my sister when you get to her base I will fucking kill you. If not during the game, I'll meet you at your dugout after," I said through clenched jaws.
Woah, Rose. Went a little far, didn't ya? What kind of 13 year old talks like that? Oh, yeah. I forgot, me.
Next thing I know the umpire is in my face because HB told him that I was threatening her. Great. I had to play all innocent (which I admit, I pulled off very well). The ump warned me if there was ever an incident with me again I would be kicked out of the league. My coach took my side against HB, made a scene and ended up being ejected from the game.
When the game resumed I walked back towards first base while giving HB the best bitch smile I could muster. A cold smile full of hatred that meant business. I knew I had won, she was scared. HB didn't even glance at my sister while running towards 2nd, in fact she kept her eyes down. She knew better not too.
Of course, my family knew what had happened. They knew me too well. I ended up with a pat on the shoulder from Mom for taking up for Sis.
It takes a lot for me to get pissed off to that degree, but when I do the person antagonizing me (or someone I'm close with) is toast. You know, if HB had done it again, I probably would have beaten her to a pulp. I'm just like that for the ones I love (and yes, Jill is included in this category). Lucky for her, she was smart enough not to look at my sister for the rest of the summer.
I just can't let my coworkers see this side of me ...yet
Sometimes a Fighter and Not a lover,
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Did I just read that right?
"~*Love your Vagina, Love the Vaginas you meet, Foster understanding and appreciation of Vagina, Be happy with your Vagina ♀*~"
Whoa. Hold up.
So, I've been on www.etsy.com a lot this week. I have to do a bunch of window shopping because I'm broke, so in one of my attempts to fill that shopping void deep within, I began searching for tobacco pouches (I've started rolling my own cigarettes and needed a pouch to put everything in). I click on this cute little pouch that looks like it would work...I was in for a shock.
This pouch most definitely will not work, because it has a huge VAGINA on it, and I think it's a wallet anyway.
I got curious...who on earth would put a vag on a wallet in the first place...oh yeah, that's right the same person who would make Vulva Necklaces, "Happy Uterus" stuffed animals and Vagina Pillows.
If you want to check it out for yourself you can go to Vulva Love Lovely.
Here are some samples of old Vulva Love's mechandise...and don't get too excited, you can most definitely purchase these items, I don't think they flying off the shelves anytime soon.
This may be the first time I have ever seen a "Vagina Pillow", now girls...don't get too excited (or maybe you should)...It has a secret pocket for your vibrator.
Next up is the Vagina Pendant Necklace. If you have a strong gag reflex, I would reccomend scrolling on down...Don't get me wrong, I love my za-za-down-there...but this is quite extreme.
WHO THE FUCK WOULD WEAR THIS AROUND THEIR NECK??????? Seriously, some feminazi really needs to get a life.
And last but definitely not least...Vagina Earrings. Woof.
Am I the only person who finds this to be incredibly weird and awkward?
The incredibly grossed out,
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I tried to find something to rant or rave about, but I didn't have much success. Sad day. So, instead of doing that I'm just going to tell you all what I have been up to.
Friday night Rose and I went to Allison's visitation. It was so sad. I couldn't believe that I was standing in front of a casket with one of my best friends from college laying in it. None of it seemed real. Luckily, I had Rose there. I wouldn't have made it without her.
Saturday morning I picked Rose up and we headed on our hour and a half drive to the funeral. Allison's dad did most of the speaking at the funeral, which must have been really hard for him but it made it easier for the rest of us. Allison wasn't a quitter, she didn't give up on her life...he made sure that everyone knew that. Her funeral wasn't all sad, there were some happy and even some funny moments. Made me realize just how much I will miss Allison.
Anyway, I can't talk about that any longer.
Saturday night my roommates and I decided it would be a great idea to go camping. Now in KY, it still gets pretty cold at night during March...but we still decided to go, knowing we would freeze our asses off at night. We went to the Red River Gorge to camp. If you are anywhere near KY you should probably go visit the Gorge, it's great. So, we got out of our cars loaded our backpacks on our backs and grabbed as much as we could in our arms and set out hiking to our campsite. The boys we were with had been out there camping before, so they at least knew where we were going.
We get to where we are going to be camping, which was quite a distance away from the cars, and I notice that the river is in between where I am standing and the place they are pointing to for us to camp. Hold up. How the hell was I going to get over there? Oh wait, that's right...there was a fucking log across the river that they expected me to cross with a backpack, sleeping bag, another bag on my shoulder and crampy legs. Whatever. I sat my ass down on the log and scooted myself across. 30 minutes later...I made it.
The boys cooked for us and kept the fire going at all times. All we girls had to do was sit there, look pretty, and set up our tent.
Overall though, I had a really great time. By the end of our excursion I was doing the Dirty Dancing thing on the log across the river and was just having a great time. It was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things. It was so nice just to relax and not have cell phone service. I think I'm going to start camping more often!
I know, not very interesting...but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I'm still not feeling very much like myself. Hopefully soon I'll get back to the writing entertaining blogs and enjoying writing. But for now, this will have to do.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I have been a complete slacker when it comes to blogging...I mean, it truly has been a while since I have last posted.
This post probably isn't going to be the most uplifting, and it definitely isn't going to be funny. It might even be considered depressing, for that I apologize.
Yesterday morning I woke up around my normal time. I felt like a truck had run over me. I didn't have a fever, but was just really sick to my stomach. Something like what I imagine morning sickness would be like. Anyway, I felt it was a good idea to call in to work. I went back to sleep then started getting calls from numbers I didn't know. Then Rose called me. I answered. She was crying and said that I needed to call our friend Luke. I immediately called him. He was also in tears, which doesn't happen often. Through all of his tears he told me that a good friend of ours, Allison had died. I was in shock. I couldn't say anything.
Luke, knowing that I don't deal well with things like this just began talking. He explained that Allison had called him Monday night and was depressed/upset. Luke had told her that she needed to come stay the night with him, but she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't take any one's help. Another friend of ours called Allison to make sure everything was okay, she thought that it was. Monday night Allison committed suicide. Every friend of Allison's at one point has talked her out of the depressed mood, and some of them have talked her out of suicide before. I know I have done both.
Allison was such a great person. She stood up for things she believed in, she always was thinking about others, she was genuine. She was one of my best friends and one of Rose's. She was Rose and my third roommate during college. We had great times. We could talk through anything. Allison was one of those people who no matter how long you had gone without talking to her it was like you could pick up right where you left off.
Her death breaks my heart. I'm sitting here at work now, bawling my eyes out. All I can think about is how I'm never going to have a good laugh with her and I'm never going to be able to tell her I love her again. I even had facebooked her Monday night to tell her I was going to be in her town this weekend and wanted to see her. Now, I'm still going to be in her town and I will get to see her but she won't be able to talk or respond to me. I'm going to have to say goodbye.
I didn't tell you all this story to get sympathy, or to get a lot of comments from you all saying "I'm sorry" or "She's in a better place." I have actually turned comments off.
I wrote this for two reasons.
1. I needed an outlet. Somewhere to let things out, not having to worry about anyone seeing me cry.
2. I want you all to take time and be thankful for the people in your lives. You can't take your life, or anyone else's life for granted. You never know if you will get to see a person again. The goodbye you say today, could be the last. You may never again get to laugh with them or see their smile. Hug. Make sure to tell your friends and family that you love them. Don't rush to get off the phone with them, just take time to appreciate the people around you. Care. Ask about their day, talk about dreams and ambitions, take time to talk about things that are bothering them. Please, take today and begin mending relationships that have been broken. Call your friends and let them know you are thinking about them.
I probably won't be on here again writing for a little while. I need some time to get back to normal. The visitation is this Friday and the funeral is Saturday. It's going to be a rough time for Rose and me, keep us in your thoughts. Keep all of Allison's friends and family in your thoughts. She will be missed greatly.
Posted by Rose and Jill at 2:30 PM
Monday, March 16, 2009
I just want to share something that happened to me Saturday night that I find extremely strange. And uncomfortable.
Saturday night I bar hopped with several of my friends (my good friend from college that I don't see enough, Tessa, and my co-worker, Leigh and a few other less important people). Good times were to be had (and the liquor was definitely flowing).
We ended up at one of the local Irish pubs. Green beer for St. Patty's (it's the first time I've ever had green beer!), a band with a flute, the whole shebang. Leigh, Tessa and I were talking to some guys I know from high school. Said high school friends introduced me to their friend, Dan, who I would say is in his mid-40s. As soon as I saw him I immediately knew who he was. He is on the police force in my hometown and friends with my Dad.
Rose: "Oh! I know you, I'm D's daughter!"
Dan: What? Oh, wow! I haven't seen you in years, you're all grown up! I just love your parents!
Then he starts talking to the guys from high school, "Rose's father is amazing, she's a great girl. Blah, blah, fucking blah." He was obviously extremely intoxicated. And by extremely intoxicated I mean stumbling around and could not focus his eyes.
This is where it gets really fucking strange and uncomfortable.
So Dan grabs my hand. I thought he was going to shake it or something but then he starts moving it towards his face. I just figured he was going to kiss my hand, strange, but whatever. But no...
The mother fucker bit my finger.
One minute I'm talking to him thinking he's gonna kiss my hand and the next thing I know he has my pointer finger in his mouth and he's biting away. He literally had over half of my finger in his mouth. On top of that he bit me pretty fucking hard. Who does that?!
I don't really remember what happened after that. Partly because I was drunk and partly because I was in shock. All I know is I had a bite mark on my finger. I have no clue if I was all "Dude, why are you biting my finger?" or "What the fuck are you doing, you ass cobra?" or I just sat there and took it while he used my finger as his personal raw-hide bone. All I do know is that after he bit my finger I didn't see him the rest of the night. He just disappeared.
Of course as soon as I got home the next morning I had to tell my Mom and Dad about Dan biting my finger. Like me, they had no words. I'm still in utter disbelief that someone bit my finger at a bar.
Not your chew toy,
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thank you Gwen for the award! We just love your blog so much!
Here are the award rules: List 7 things that you love, and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you love! Be sure to tag them and let them know that they have won. You can copy the picture of the award and paste it on your sideboard letting the whole world know...you are Kreativ!
This is hard because we've been tagged in several "things you love" awards. We're going to try not to repeat anything!
1. my record collection and player. I just love the way a song sounds on vinyl (my favorite is probably "The only living boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkle.
2. sleeping with a fan on no matter how cold it is outside
3. VS panties and bras. I should own stock.
4. the satisfaction of buying something I've pined over for months
5. new hair color
6. the yankee candle scent tahitian tiare flower
7. IDK, my BFF Jill?
1. My cat, Gusiford aka Gus aka Lucifer aka Lus aka Quentin (he has multiple personalities, haha). He's right at 6 months old...Himalayan Siamese mix. He's adorable. I'll show you all pics sometime soon.
2. French Toast
3. Vintage furniture
4. Going on really long drives in the country, mid-day, windows rolled down and music blaring. It's my favorite thing to do in the spring, summer and fall.
5. Black and white pictures.
6. Passionate people.
7. Arts and Crafts time.
7 People We love...
3. Courtney (We're tagging you girls separately. We are dying for new posts and this is way to kick start it!)
4. Christina (You can make it all about sex!!!)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
This morning Dad and I were leaving for work at the same time. I got into my car and he got into Mom's excursion.
Our driveway has a turn about and I had parked my car in that in reverse. Just put 'er in gear and go. Well, my Dad pulled up next to the house so he had to back up.
Let me just preface this by saying my Dad sucks driving in reverse. Like sucks so bad that he was backing up one time and hit my sister's then boyfriend's car and then blamed him for parking in the driveway!
This morning I'm not sure why, but he decided he didn't want to back up into the turn around or in the yard. He reversed down our entire driveway which I would say is 50 yards or so long. While he's reversing, I start driving (so our cars are facing each other)
I notice that he's driving pretty slow and starts to veer off of the driveway. I'm not surprised since as I said he sucks at backing a car up. I figured my lights could be in his eyes (our driveway has a hill and I was at the top of it), so I turned them off.
I then see the excursion rock pretty hard and I knew what had happened....
Dad totally hit a tree in the yard. A tree that is at least 5 feet away from the driveway.
Oh, once I realized what he had done I couldn't contain the laughter. Then I see him open the door.
"TURN OFF YOUR DAMN LIGHTS. YOU'RE BLINDING ME. I HIT THE FUCKING TREE!"
Well, no shit. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
I guess that his lights were reflecting into mine or something and that's what was blinding him.
When I got to work I called Mom and told her I thought Dad had hit the tree in the front yard with her car. She told me I was correct, he had. To top it off he hit it hard enough to put a dent in the back panel. Let me just tell you, that excursion is hardcore; it's hit a lot of things and no damage has ever been done to it. It's a tank. Obviously, he had to have hit it harder than I thought.
I told her that I had my lights off and she said it was fine. I asked her if I should apologize and she said not to bring it up. It's been a sore spot for him all day.
Yeah, I'm still laughing.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I'm back from my blogging hiatus. I just needed some time for myself. So this is kind of a pointless post just to say Hi and I'm back! However, you, our dear readers are in luck! I'm going to tell you something funny and slightly humiliating!
So I needed to channel all of my hurt, anger, loneliness, etc. into something but couldn't figure out what to do. I sure as fuck wasn't going to do laundry or clean. So I went to Wal-Mart and while aimlessly wandering around I remembered the button flower bouquets I saw at a vintage store. Needless to say, I bought every single button in the store.
I seriously started putting in hours of time into these suckers. As in I made an entire bouquet, didn't like it, took it apart and started over. I even bought a box for organization and spent 2 hours organizing by color.
Here is a button flower is for those who don't know:
Those are some I found on google. I was actually going to take a picture of the ones I made, but my camera is dead. Bummer.
I decided I needed to download some sappy sad breakup songs for the occasion. I decided on some sweet tunes by Barry Manilow because, well, there isn't anything much more depressing (plus I had seen a news article similar to this earlier in the day).
Then I started to notice the strange pop-ups for some AdVirus2009 business.
I ended up with a computer virus from a Barry Manilow song.
Specifically, I ended up with a virus from Barry Manilow's song "I Can't Smile Without You." A song I had never even heard. I was just going to download "Mandy" or something of the sorts but when I saw the title I was all "Oh! That song will be PERFECT!"
You can quit laughing at me now
FML. Really? Barry EFFING Manilow? I think the only way the situation could have been worse would have been getting the virus from Barney's "I Love You."
And can we just take a moment to talk about how creepy Mr. Barry Manilow is? His skin is so taught.
Apparently Barry Manilow is to facelifts & botox what Michael Jackson is to nose jobs & skin bleaching.
Not a Fanilow,
P.S. I figured out how to stop the pop-ups so I'm thinking I'm in the clear for now. Next time I'm going for Celine Dion.
Friday, March 6, 2009
While in college Rose and I frequented a certain, incredibly trashy local bar called Cheers. This bar is attached to a gas station! You really can't get any more trashy...oh wait, except at this bar you can. The people who go to this bar include "bounty hunters" who drive around freezer trucks just in case they end up needing to store things at a low temperature (I'm just saying that I really think they killed people), truckers, dirty men and even dirtier women. And it wasn't a rare occurrence to find someone snorting a line of coke in the bathroom or smoking a joint out back on the patio. The po-po would make nightly stops at this bar...they were always rolling up in there!
However, Cheers was where Rose and I went about once a week. We loved it. There was no reason to get all gussied up, we would walk in with our jeans and t-shirts with no make-up on and still look absolutely gorgeous in comparison to the people around us. If either of our parents had found out that we were going to this bar, our asses would have been grass.
We also made friends with the bartender, who would make us free drinks all night long. Rarely did I ever spend more than like $5 there.
Anyway, once Rose and I started going to Cheers so did our friends.
One night Rose and I decided to go up to Cheers, but didn't really want to deal with the normal crowd that was there so we gathered up a group of our friends to go with us. We walk into the bar and everyone notices us (this happened every time we went in). Rose and I were getting hellos from all the regulars while the other girls with us just stood there in awe of the trashiness that they were about to endure.
We belly up to the bar and start drinking. We are having a great time playing pool, dancing, singing karaoke and getting guys to buy us drinks.
Rose and I were talking when our friend Katie came over to us with a guy. We were proud of her for finding a guy to buy her drinks! Not to be hateful, but Katie kind of looks like the Cowardly Lion from "The Wizard of Oz", so it was a task to find someone who would buy her drinks. This guy seemed nice and all, so we let her continue talking to him.
It just so happens that Katie was also underage. She was 20 to be exact...we snuck her into the bar! This was her first bar experience ever!!
We kept drinking until they turned the lights on for everyone to go home. Luckily we didn't live too far from the bar, so it was easy to have someone take us home or to get someone to come pick us up. So, I'm off making phone calls trying to get someone to pick us up when all of a sudden Rose comes running up to me laughing her ass off. She took the phone from me and said "Jill, you've got to come over here. You've got to see this!"
When Rose gets that excited about something, you know it's good. So, I run over to the bar where all our friends are standing in a circle. Katie is still clinging to her man. Rose says "Look at his eye" in reference to the man Katie was trying to get with.
HE HAD A MOTHER FUCKING GLASS EYE!!!!!!
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. So, I asked him about it. I was like, "Not to be rude, but uhm...what's the deal with your eye?" Apparently Katie hadn't realized that he had the glass eye, because she just got this really confused look on her face. He told us some story about how he ended up with it...I didn't listen or care about what he was saying because I was still laughing hysterically at this point. Then he popped the glass eye out! I was completely grossed out by his eye socket (minus the glass eye) to begin with, then he tried to get Rose and I to touch the glass eye. No thank you.
Well, we finally found a ride and I started to get everyone together so we could leave. Rose came over because she noticed I was having trouble with Katie. Katie would not leave. She said that if we wouldn't take her to a local hotel that Glass Eye was staying at that she was just going to leave with him. WHAT?!?!?!
The hotel she wanted to go to is a local hotel, I don't remember the name of it...but it's even trashier than the bar we were at! Rose got really serious, she told Katie that she wasn't going to the hotel either way and that she was coming with us whether she liked it or not.
Katie threw a hissy fit in the middle of the bar. She started crying. Now, I've cried when I was drunk before...but NEVER over a dude, let alone one with a glass eye! She started saying how he was a really nice guy and that she really liked him and that nothing would happen. It took me, Rose and another girl to pull Katie away from Glass Eye that evening. Needless to say there were a lot of jokes about guys with glass eyes following this incident.
Oh and did I mention that Katie when she gets drunk does this thing while shes talking? Well, Katie when drunk talking begins to move her lower jaw from side to side, while moving it up and down. She looks like a cow chewing! So just imagine Katie, the Cowardly Lion who talks like a chewing cow and Glass Eye. Wouldn't their babies have been pretty?!?! Haha.
Don't worry...there will be more stories about Cheers...a lot happened there!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
So I wanted to share with you all why Sam and I broke up because I'm finally able to. I've been a zombie since Monday night. I've listened to Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" on repeat, I've forgotton how to eat but remembered how to drink, I didn't wash my hair until today, I've taken comfort in the fact that xanax will help me sleep. I've exhausted my friends with the situation. Most of the time it's just crying because I can't actually say anything. Crocodile tears turn into panic attack which turn back to tears. For me, writing this is therapy because these are the things I haven't been able to say. I'm just warning you: this will probably be a lengthy post and at times will make no sense. I do not want negative responses to this post about Sam. I still love him very much and in general think he is an AMAZING person.
As you know, I don't make all that much money, just enough to survive, and I'm okay with that. However, Sam doesn't make very much money at all (if any. He's always gone back and forth between jobs and never one with benefits). It's been a strain on our relationship. If we would go and do something, I paid. I never minded because I loved him. He had a lot of financial strain from a previous marriage (he was the one who continued to pay the mortgage, etc) and ended up filing for bankruptcy and losing his car, home, everything. However, lately, it was starting to take it's toll on our relationship. We would get in stupid fights. Our biggest fight was over what time I would want to go to bed (he was never ready because he would still be asleep when I would get up and go to work). Sam didn't want me to hang out with my family and my family didn't want me to be with Sam. I was pulled in so many directions.
On Monday, my Dad sat me down and said, "I love you with all of my heart and right now my heart is breaking over you.” That was rough to hear. I couldn't hold it together after that. He told me a lot of things he's been wanting to say for six months. Things that in the back of my head I knew (like Sam not holding down/having a job, how I shouldn't pay for everything, I deserve better than that, etc.) Dad told me that it would have been easier for him to say these things had he not liked Sam. My siblings said the same thing. Even my little brother piped in and he normally keeps quiet in these situations. The consensus was "We love Sam, but right now he's not what you need." They've mentioned before that Sam wasn't right for me and I've brushed it off. I think I took their advice this time because I knew it was time.
My mom told me her biggest fear is that I’ll end up like her. She married a man, had a child and had to work 80+ hours a week to support them because he didn’t want to work. Sam is 25 and quite possibly at the top of his game. I’m 23 and just starting. The world has so many possibilities for me right now. I just can’t be the bread winner anymore; I need to be taken care of sometimes too.
So I called him and broke up with him because I knew I couldn’t do it in person. He cried. I cried. I called Jill because I needed her. She got to my house in record time. I drank. I packed all his stuff (which filled my entire car) and Jill drove me to take it to him. I just couldn't stand to see it all over my house. I went in. I said my goodbyes. I cried, he cried harder. He said that he wants to turn his life around and get a job but I'm scared it’s too little, too late. I want to be married, I want a family.
He wants to get out of debt and straighten everything up and get back together. I told him that I can't promise him anything but I can promise that I will always love him. You never forget your first love. He's already working for his stepdad and studying to take his phlebotomy test again(he's taken the class, now he has to take a test , which he failed the first time, and get a job). He called the places where he knew he had debt (telephone, department stores). He found out his debt isn't as bad as he thought. In short, he's done more in the past 2 days than in the past 2 years.
I love him still which makes it harder. I just hope the best for him. I hope he can get a great job and get out of debt and move out of his parent’s house. I just wish that I could have been there with him instead of as a bystander but I couldn’t wait any longer. It’s been 2 years and his life is the same as it was when we started dating and mine is so much different.
So, needless to say, I’m heartbroken and numb. I’ve lost my best friend and boyfriend and it is the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I love Sam with all of my heart and do not doubt that at all. However, apparently love is not always enough. If it was, I would still be with him.
You know, no one has ever loved me like he has. He loves me when I'm at my worst and he has loved me through everything. Before I met him, I didn't think that anyone could love me. He has shown me that I am loveable and has treated me with the utmost respect, love and attention. He was able to break down my barriers that I had placed up so long ago. To be honest, I don't know if anyone ever will be able to love me like he has.
I want him to pass his test so bad, I've been his cheerleader for so long because no one else would be. I want his life to turn around. I want him to be happy and find someone to love. I hope that he always loves me. I hope this is one of those situations that kicks you so hard in the ass that you do change to be with the person you love.
Right now the door to this part of our relationship has closed. I'm not sure if it will open again at a later time. I'm not writing Sam off completely because I do love him so dearly. If down the road he gets his shit in line and we cross paths then yes, I will give him another chance. He knows all this and he knows it will take time. I want nothing more than to spend my life with him and I've known that since I told him I loved him after 8 days.
I told him that we couldn't talk for awhile because the way I see it we have three choices. 1 is to talk all the time but not see each other; thus becoming only friends. 2 is to tell each other the big life changes or happenings and 3 is to cease all communication. We've decided that if one of us has something we HAVE to share with the other then we will. I'm still going to help him find a job. We cried at the thought of not seeing each other. It's been difficult for me not to call him when I get to work and go to lunch. He said at 5:30 he just stares at his phone hoping I'll call once I leave work. I would be lying if I said I didn't do the same thing.
My heart is shattered right now and I have no idea how or when to start piecing it back together again. I just know when I get off work he won’t be there. This is the longest that we've been apart in 2 years. I don’t know what I’m going to do tonight. Or this weekend. I don't know what to do when you're only half of yourself.
I don't know what else to say. If you actually read this, thank you. If you pray, please pray for me, pray for Sam. Even though you don't know our real names, God will know you mean us. If not send good thoughts, vibes, whatever you do. I'm going through my darkest days right now and I don't even see a glimmer of the light at the end of this neverending tunnel.
Posted by Rose and Jill at 10:06 AM
This time, we're asking the questions.
1. If you could be any color crayon, what would you choose and why?
2. You've mentioned before you're a fellow smoker, what is your poison of choice?
3. What fashion faux pas have you committed? No worries, we don't judge.
4. What is the correct way to say that you sent someone a text message? Texted them or text them?
5. What is your favorite memory of you and Big Man?
6. What is your name?
1. You're in a bar, what are you drinking?
2. Fill in the blank: Roses are red, Violets are blue ________
3. What does the G in g-string stand for?
4. If you could do one thing and not worry about repercussions, what would it be and why?
5. If you had to watch one show for the rest of your life, what would it be?
1. What is your favorite food?
2. What is your all time favorite movie?
3. What is your occupation?
4. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?
5. Do you believe there is life on other planets?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I woke up this morning and thought to myself "Good God, is it really only Wednesday?" I had to wake up my roommate just to find out what day it was. I was seriously confused. It has been the longest week ever, already!
Anyway, Rose is going through it. I'm not going to explain what happened or anything because it's just not my place to do it. However, I can say this...keep her in your thoughts. She needs some good Karma to come her way. Rose--I love you with all of my heart. Go on a cruise...or better yet. Maryland July 2009. Consider it.
This may seem inconsiderate because of Rose's break-up, but I seriously need some insight from y'all on this situation...and if you are a guy, I really need your insight (DWP Imma talking to you).
So, I am not a small girl by any means but I'm not a big girl either. I'm somewhere around average sized, maybe a slight bit larger. My size would be comparable to Kailee O'Sullivan.
Anyway, I have found myself completely attracted to a guy who is much smaller than me. I would have no problem trying to date this guy if he were my size or larger. I don't know why I think it's weird. He's probably a good 75 lbs smaller than me...like I said I'm not a small girl. He is however taller than me by a couple of inches. So, anyway..what are y'alls thoughts on this. Is it weird to date a guy who is smaller than you?
The next thing about this guy is that he is 3 years (and for half of the year, 4 years) younger than me. He acts a lot more mature than a guy who is 20. He has several older brothers and grew up hanging out with them, so he has learned to be mature about things. I realize that it's a decision that must be made taking the two people into consideration, but if you were to date someone younger how young would you go?
So, I don't even know if this guy likes me. I just don't want to waste my time on something that could end up being bad or awkward...he is one of my friends, so I don't want to mess up a friendship as well.
Relationships are way too confusing...this is why I tend just to stick to not being in them.
Any help/advice you all have is greatly appreciated. If you want you can send your responses to firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks a million.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I broke up with Sam last night because of a million different reasons that I can't get in to right now. It was the hardest decision I've ever made and I'm at a loss.
Posted by Rose and Jill at 8:15 AM
Monday, March 2, 2009
It has been declared. We are famous! We just got 3 more awards, all in one day by Melissa!
List five things about yourself that YOU think makes you SEXY!
Rose: So, this is pretty hard. I’m looking at myself and trying to figure out what is sexy. I think I’m more cute than sexy.
1. My cleavage, depending on the shirt though. Sometimes the girls hang out wayyyy too much.
2. My lips. They are full and luscious.
3. I’ve had lots of comments from my clients saying I have a sexy voice. I get this one: “You sound sexier and sexier each time I talk to you.”
4. When my hair is straight.
5. I have great legs. They are very toned and I don’t even work on them. My little brother even complimented them the other day.
Jill: I don't consider myself sexy...but I'll play along.
1. I play hard to get without realizing I'm doing it. Which explains why guys who I don't like end up head over heels for me.
2. My voice...I talk a lot on the phone at work...my claimants are always telling me that I have a nice voice. I actually had one guy tell me that I was on speakerphone and his friend (who was listening) thought I had a "sexy" voice. He also wanted my phone number so he could call and hear my voice, or listen to my voicemail repeatedly...creepy.
3. When I walk I look around. I don't look down at the ground or try not to look at people. When I walk I look at the people and things surrounding me. I think it shows confidence, which is sexy.
4. Since my body is most definitely NOT sexy, I'll go with the tattoo on my side. I think it's sexy. If you don't, sorry 'bout your luck.
5. The way I dress. I don't dress provacatively, unless I'm trying to get free drinks. But I dress the way I want. Sometimes I don't match, and I'm always wearing something that makes you go "hmm" but if I found a guy whose style resembled mine, I'd go for him.
List 7 things you do on a regular basis that could become an addiction.
1. Water. I drink water like it’s my job
2. Coffee. I’ve tried to limit myself to one travel mug a day because if not I have a major caffeine meltdown in the afternoon.
3. Wikipedia and Google. It’s unhealthy the amount of things I look up.
4. The news. I’m obsessed with the news. I check AOL, MSN, Yahoo, MSNBC, and Fox news at least 3 times a day.
5. Text messaging. I would rather text than talk on the phone any day.
6. Sleeping. I seriously cannot sleep enough. I can wake up, tool around for half an hour and go back to sleep for a 3 hour nap.
7. Lipstuff. I love having smooth lips. Lipstick, lipgloss, chapstick. You name it, I love it.
1. Smoking cigarettes.
2. Drinking Diet Coke.
3. Drinking McDonald's sweet tea.
4. Sleeping. I sleep less than the average person. This is an addiction. It's almost like a contest with myself to see how long I can stay up and how early I can get up.
5. Being lazy. Every night after work I sit on my couch watching TV. That's seriously all I do. I might get up to fix myself something for dinner, but that's only if I'm really hungry.
6. Facebook. Self-explanatory.
7. Driving. I drive 40 minutes to work and 40 minutes home. I also tend to drive a lot during the weekends, whether I'm driving or one of my roommates is, I'm on the road a lot.
So, I (Jill) took like 9 years of the Espanol. However, I can't speak, write or understand a word of it. So uhm. If any of you out there speak it let us know what this award means. Something about cool...I don't know.
Anyway, Thanks Melissa for these awards!
Because we are writing this at work, and we have to be careful about the time we spend on here...If you are reading this and consider yourself to be sexy, addictive or cool, consider yourself tagged!